Venting what would be something that would hold you back from ctb?

[heartbreaksilence]

Mine would be a partner, a true friend, anyone who stick around. I have been wanting to ctb since I was around 12. However this year has been especially rough, lost a lot of support systems and no one ever seems to want me for very long. It hurts so much. All I have ever wanted was for someone to show me affection and make me feel like I am worth something. I may be young, but I am looking for a serious relationship, even fiance/husband. I would do anything to find and keep someone special. I am so loyal and I would be by their side no matter what. I dont know ... I have always had a hard time coping I guess.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Zero judgment, but it sounds to me like you don't really want to die at all, that you're only feeling that way because things feel hopeless? I know exactly how you feel, loneliness is a killer. But if you're anything like me, you won't be able to find happiness in anyone else. I was never able to love myself, so I never felt I was good enough to deserve the love I did find...and believe me, this causes a big mess and a lot of heartbreak. I'll be happy to talk to you here and whenever you get your pm privileges, for as long as I'm here anyway...I hope you don't feel like I'm telling you I know you better than you know yourself, I'm definitely not because I definitely don't. But sometimes, feeling understood and cared about can come from unexpected places at unexpected times, and I'd hate for you to die before you find it if its something you want more than death, you know?

 

[heartbreaksilence]

Zero judgment, but it sounds to me like you don't really want to die at all, that you're only feeling that way because things feel hopeless? I know exactly how you feel, lonliness is a killer. But if you're anything like me, you won't be able to find happiness with anyone else. I was never able to love myself, so I never felt I was good enough to deserve the love I did find...and believe me, this causes a big mess and a lot of heartbreak. I'll be happy to talk to you here and whenever you get your pm privileges, for as long as I'm here anyway...I hope you don't feel like I'm telling you I know you better than you know yourself, I'm definitely not because I definitely don't. But sometimes, feeling understood and cared about can come from unexpected places at unexpected times, and I'd hate for you to die before you find it if its something you want more than death, you know?

I don't know how to sound like I want to die enough, okay? But I have come here got this far researched into it im just struggling and feel miserable everyday. I'm tired of caring what everyone thinks, I know youre not judging im just saying

 

[falloutcarter13]

I don't know how to sound like I want to die enough, okay? But I have come here got this far researched into it im just struggling and feel miserable everyday. I'm tired of caring what everyone thinks, I know youre not judging im just saying

Yeah I know where you're at mentally and emotionally and you don't need to worry about appeasing me, lol, its all good and my heart goes out to you. I know how you feel and I don't want you to try to sound like you wanna die, I just don't want to see anybody off themselves before they're truly sure. It's nothing but concern for you, I promise. I'm still willing to talk with you and try to help you sort everything out if that's something you want. Or if you just want me to stfu and listen to you, I can do that too. Whatever you need, whatever I can do...I'm here for you.

 

[Meditation guide]

All I have ever wanted was for someone to show me affection and make me feel like I am worth something. I may be young, but I am looking for a serious relationship, even fiance/husband. I would do anything to find and keep someone special. I am so loyal and I would be by their side no matter what.

I feel the same. I hope you do find someone like that. Be very careful, there are users out there who will take advantage of someone like you. They will pretend to love you only for a short while and dump you when they get bored. You are very vulnerable to this and they are out there everywhere. Learn all about narcissists. They can seem like wonderful people at first but are evil.

 

[mediocre]

If I found out what was causing my physical pain and I was given a diagnosis and offered treatment. But that is very unlikely.

 

[BoaNoite]

Sincerely? Nothing, because I know 100% sure that my problems don't have solutions, but damn...I feel this too, I identify with u
My biggest dream is to marry. I was alone all my life, If I wasn't hated, I always was the second option or the "disappointment". That's why I feel so needy and wished that I had a true love to with I would stay all my life.
(Sorry if my english is not very good, is not my main language)

 

[Wayfaerer]

Eternal return. If I just had 100% confidence that when i die I won't come back, I'd be much less hesitant.

 

[Meditation guide]

If I just had 100% confidence that when i die I won't come back, I'd be much less hesitant.

That's the premise of Buddhism that once you achieve enlightenment you not longer have to endlessly reincarnate over and over for thousands of years. You see this shit hole world as it really is therefore all longing for it ceases.
I want enlightenment and if it means seeing this for what it is then I'm there.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

As stupid as it might sound getting my own home would help me postpone ctb. It has been my dream to have a home again after I lost mine. I would postpone until a couple family members pass.

I feel the same. I hope you do find someone like that. Be very careful, there are users out there who will take advantage of someone like you. They will pretend to love you only for a short while and dump you when they get bored. You are very vulnerable to this and they are out there everywhere. Learn all about narcissists. They can seem like wonderful people at first but are evil.

This this this! I was exploited by a narcissist sociopath who further ruined my life through severe abuse. All those events and traumas they caused is one of main reasons I'm on this forum. Everyone should be careful and know the warning signs of a narcissist.

 

[Smokey8484]

All I have ever wanted was for someone to show me affection and make me feel like I am worth something.

I hear you on this. It's all I've ever wanted, was to have a significant other who showed me I was worthy and loveable. I've only been involved in abusive relationships (with a narcissist & a violent, emotionally unavailable man), and I've sabotaged opportunities with potentially good guys (which were very few & far between). I'm single so long now that I've given up hope. But I would have liked to experience romantic, mutual love before I CTB.

 

[ZardozOmega]

a cute bf that could withstand my horrible character flaws

 

[Deleted member 18655]

There is one thing. It's not worth writing because it won't happen. But there is something that could change everything.

 

[Madiem]

my head canon of death being just an "eternal loss of body possession" and the consciousness just stays in the same spot you die due to some cruel fluke of our largely not understood universe...
i know it's just SI but still fuck

 

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

Gaining friends and a social life lol

 

[GonnaGoBye]

Me and her getting back together. We've lasted for 7 years and broke up easily because she cant handle my negativity.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Any mild distraction tbh. I am very easily amused when there is no panic-driven frenzy going on in my mind.

 

[rt1989526]

I have PSSD from anti depressants. If I could regain normal function and feeling I'd probably stick around, but there is not a lot of hope for recovery

 

[ZardozOmega]

I have PSSD from anti depressants. If I could regain normal function and feeling I'd probably stick around, but there is not a lot of hope for recovery

Try seeing a doctor. I believe there are a few meds that could help.

 

[draw a circle]

maybe if i can instantly finish my thesis or drop out. therapy would probably also work. also money lol.

All I have ever wanted was for someone to show me affection and make me feel like I am worth something.

can relate to this as well. my best friend kissed me last year a few weeks after my birthday (my intended death day) and i instantly was like. okay i will go through life now that i have a reason to stay. we kissed every now and then until around valentine's and at that time i feel like i can bear to stay alive (even though my root problems doesn't go away and i still think of dying) i actually wanted to try surviving. and then shit happens and they fall in love with someone else (long story). i was heartbroken and ended up postponing my thesis for another semester. why am i rambling about this here?

i hope you can find the love you're searching for, dude. wishing you the best love