Venting Why do i hold out hope?

[goodoldnoname923]

I've had some time to reflect on my life all these months about how horrible i've been all the mistakes i've made how terrible i've felt all the friends i've lost and stuff i've missed out on etc so on

I've had suicidal thoughts for over 10 years and indeed they've been and went but now more than ever I believe its time to go and maybe i should have years ago

But i still hold out on my special friend coming back despite everyone telling me its impossible….i have a friend that is planning to message them soon so maybe i'll get my final answer then but even then i manage to delude myself

I've had someone irl who has been trying to assist me with my plan for awhile and more recently i even used the partners section on this very forum but I wouldn't want anyone to travel here especially abroad or from a significant distance just for me to get cold feet it wouldn't be right…until i feel i get this answer I can't truly to through with it…aleast not with assistance i've been trying myself these past few days but I can't seem to get there

 

[UKscotty]

The natural and normal thing is to want to live that's why.

To CTB is going against everything our brain wants. It takes time, be gentle on yourself.