Venting would it be bad to ctb over a boy?

[halleyscomet]

My ex was the only person who ever showed any love towards me. My entire life was around him.

He abused me, stole from my family and left me with fuck all. I gave him everything.

I have nothing left, but I miss him so much.

I would do anything to feel his warmth, hold his hand, share a kiss, laugh with him, lay in his arms, snuggle up against his chest, joke with him, again.

But I can't he's already moved on to another girl.

I have nothing without him.

I don't know what to do with this sort of pain. I've tried alcohol, drugs, cutting, flirting, ignoring it all - nothing works.

I know this seems very superficial, very 1st world problems or whatever the saying is. But I have never been loved before, not once.

My parents neglected me all my life, my friends used me for a laugh, every authority figure has abused me or ignored me.
And then I finally find someone who cares, someone who holds me, someone who wants to, chooses to be around me - but it was all a lie to take advantage of me.

If there is a God, I think he hates me, or it's my sick destiny to die like this.

I can't live without love, I'm miserable, I have no one. I care so deeply for others, hoping, praying it will someday be returned but it never is.

People always say "you must be such a special/strong person to love the way that you do.".

I'm not special. I'm not strong. I always thought I was a good person but I'm just a fucking loser aren't I?

There must be something so deeply, so spiritually wrong with me. It has to be my fault. Not everyone's an asshole, I must be the problem.

I just don't know what to do with all this pain anymore its suffocating me. I always said to myself I'll never cry over a boy, I'll never die over a boy. But I am aren't I? I can't deal with this pain for much longer, I'm at my limit.

I thought I loved humanity, I thought the world was shitty, but I thought I could bring some light, some peace. I'm not worthy of that, I'm worth absolutely nothing am I.

I'm pathetic. I'm nothing. I've lost everything. I need to suck it up and ctb.

I just wish someone or something could push me to do it.

 

[Relic]

These things happen so that your next relationship can be different. Maybe not better, but different. It is okay to live for someone, but not okay to die because of one, not in this context. Nobody is perfect, in this world no-one is special. The only animal capable of loving a human unconditionally is a dog.
So you could just pick yourself up, and continue. There's always something else just around the corner.

 

[Bagel Lover]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My ex turned out to be stalking three other girls and sexualizing my friends and sister, so I relate very much to your story. And apparently, there are more things he is too ashamed of telling me beyond that. I gave him my everything too.
It's not wrong to want to ctb for someone; afterall, he was your everything. All of your efforts and love went to nothing, in addition to the pain you already harbored.
I wish everything you are planning will go as you want it to.

 

[bac-9271]

Bad relationships happen. They are a stepping stone. I'm not judging you, but you can always find someone else who will actually love you, care about you and protect you (assuming you are female). Just be aware of your feelings and needs, and keep trying.
If you have the capacity to love, you'll be able to find someone who'll love you back.

 

[Sleeper System]

Fine. I'll be your boyfriend. Jesus. >_>

Lost love is a normal human experience.

Falling into it with someone is very risky and people don't usually realize until after the implications
of connecting without someone on that level. Unfortunetly by the time you realize it's already too late.

For boys, which I think I am. (checks for pee pee) We tend to focus on our selves or making money to get over a broken heart. Eventually, you move on. but constantly thinking about it doesn't help. Same with suicidal ideation. The more your mind is fixed on it the more it consumes you.

That's a lot of writing for a casual pop on sasu. You have been greatly blessed. ^..^

 

[sserafim]

I want to ctb over a boy as well. It's the unrequited love that I have for my crush. I just had a bad dream about it yesterday and it felt like my heart was being stabbed to a million pieces.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I feel similarly, not just over one person although one person kinda got a bunch of people to hate my guts and I'm ready to ctb over just about all of them. I think I'd still be suicidal if I had them back in my life though but they're extra motivation to actually go through with it.

 

[Sleeper System]

I want to ctb over a boy as well. It's the unrequited love that I have for my crush. I just had a bad dream about it yesterday and it felt like my heart was being stabbed to a million pieces.

I need to see this boy you're so obssessed with. O_O;;

 

[sserafim]

I need to see this boy you're so obssessed with. O_O;;

Lol. We went to the same high school. I've liked him ever since then, but only started talking to him during college. Sadly, he stopped talking to me more than a year ago and I don't know why.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The chemical reaction produced by this crumby thing called love cuts like a knife, doesn't it? It is so violent that it will make you overlook every flaw in the person that is the subject of your love.

In this case, I think the reason the stab runs so deep is because he has already moved on with another person. I imagine it would still hurt if if he didn't have another love interest, but this has to make it worse. Make you feel inadequate.

You may not want to hear this, but the only thing that will probably cure this is time. Or by chance hearing that his new girl doesn't put up with his antics and they end it. Preferably sooner than later. But the last thing you need to do is find ways to peer into his current life. Block him on all social media. Try your hardest to not expose yourself to him. Don't self-inflict any more psychological punishment on yourself than you have to.

One thing I have found that helps is that whenever you find yourself thinking of him, think of all of his bad qualities.

 

[Sleeper System]

Lol. We went to the same high school. I've liked him ever since then, but only started talking to him during college. Sadly, he stopped talking to me more than a year ago and I don't know why.

Maybe your dark cloud became visible to him?
Maybe he was waiting for you to make a move?
O_O Regardless, I must see him. So I can judge the situation.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I want to ctb over a boy as well. It's the unrequited love that I have for my crush. I just had a bad dream about it yesterday and it felt like my heart was being stabbed to a million pieces.

Unrequited love is just another, if not one of THE worst things one can experience in this evil world. The biology and chemistry of it is just so damn powerful. At many times in my life I have been crippled by it. Wanting what you cannot have just plan kills.

 

[sserafim]

Maybe your dark cloud became visible to him?
Maybe he was waiting for you to make a move?
O_O Regardless, I must see him. So I can judge the situation.

He called me "emo" before; I think he knew I was depressed. I actually met up with him in 2022; he posted on his Instagram story that he was coming to my city and I asked him to hang out. We didn't hook up though

 

[halleyscomet]

The chemical reaction produced by this crumby thing called love cuts like a knife, doesn't it? It is so violent that it will make you overlook every flaw in the person that is the subject of your love.

In this case, I think the reason the stab runs so deep is because he has already moved on with another person. I imagine it would still hurt if if he didn't have another love interest, but this has to make it worse. Make you feel inadequate.

You may not want to hear this, but the only thing that will probably cure this is time. Or by chance hearing that his new girl doesn't put up with his antics and they end it. Preferably sooner than later. But the last thing you need to do is find ways to peer into his current life. Block him on all social media. Try your hardest to not expose yourself to him. Don't self-inflict any more psychological punishment on yourself than you have to.

One thing I have found that helps is that whenever you find yourself thinking of him, think of all of his bad qualities.

the funny thing is i haven't been keeping tabs on him

he's been telling all of the people in my life to tell me about his new girl and everything

i blocked him already i told him to stay out of my life but he always finds a way to crawl back in

 

[fantastic_unicorn]

Yes. Please don't. I found the most perfect man after a very very abusive relationship who treated me perfect. I've gotten very physically sick and forced him away from me now but he is quite literally the most perfect person.
Someone out there will appreciate you.

 

[Erick]

My ex was the only person who ever showed any love towards me. My entire life was around him.

He abused me, stole from my family and left me with fuck all. I gave him everything.

I have nothing left, but I miss him so much.

I would do anything to feel his warmth, hold his hand, share a kiss, laugh with him, lay in his arms, snuggle up against his chest, joke with him, again.

But I can't he's already moved on to another girl.

I have nothing without him.

I don't know what to do with this sort of pain. I've tried alcohol, drugs, cutting, flirting, ignoring it all - nothing works.

I know this seems very superficial, very 1st world problems or whatever the saying is. But I have never been loved before, not once.

My parents neglected me all my life, my friends used me for a laugh, every authority figure has abused me or ignored me.
And then I finally find someone who cares, someone who holds me, someone who wants to, chooses to be around me - but it was all a lie to take advantage of me.

If there is a God, I think he hates me, or it's my sick destiny to die like this.

I can't live without love, I'm miserable, I have no one. I care so deeply for others, hoping, praying it will someday be returned but it never is.

People always say "you must be such a special/strong person to love the way that you do.".

I'm not special. I'm not strong. I always thought I was a good person but I'm just a fucking loser aren't I?

There must be something so deeply, so spiritually wrong with me. It has to be my fault. Not everyone's an asshole, I must be the problem.

I just don't know what to do with all this pain anymore its suffocating me. I always said to myself I'll never cry over a boy, I'll never die over a boy. But I am aren't I? I can't deal with this pain for much longer, I'm at my limit.

I thought I loved humanity, I thought the world was shitty, but I thought I could bring some light, some peace. I'm not worthy of that, I'm worth absolutely nothing am I.

I'm pathetic. I'm nothing. I've lost everything. I need to suck it up and ctb.

I just wish someone or something could push me to do it.

I would tell you to never CTB because of a person. There's a lot of nice people in the world that can make you feel happy one day.
As long as you don't stay in your bed the whole day and go out, you will meet nice people.
CTB is too hardcore and stressful, in my opinion is a waste of time to think about it if you are healthy and not extremely poor.
It's way easier to find cool friends out there than to find a method of CTB that would work.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

the funny thing is i haven't been keeping tabs on him

he's been telling all of the people in my life to tell me about his new girl and everything

i blocked him already i told him to stay out of my life but he always finds a way to crawl back in

Then every time one of his friend's gossip finds his way to you, try to remind yourself that it takes a really pathetic person to make that happen. And the fact that he is going out of his way to make it all known to you just proves that he wants you just as bad if not more than you want him.

 

[Sleeper System]

He called me "emo" before; I think he knew I was depressed. I actually met up with him in 2022; he posted on his Instagram story that he was coming to my city and I asked him to hang out. We didn't hook up though

Perhaps you should have been more forward with him.
Men are hard wired to be attracted to opportunity. @_@
You give a man a chance to do anything and he will surprise you.
If we have too many opportunities then that decreases the level of time and patience we
have with people before we're just like fuck it this isn't going anywhere. >_>

 

[sserafim]

Perhaps you should have been more forward with him.
Men are hard wired to be attracted to opportunity. @_@
You give a man a chance to do anything and he will surprise you.
If we have too many opportunities then that decreases the level of time and patience we
have with people before we're just like fuck it this isn't going anywhere. >_>

Wdym?

 

[Sleeper System]

Wdym?

You'll have to DM me if you want clarification. I only planned to stop by here for awhile before
returning to reality. xD Toodle-oo.

 

[Blank_Slate]

Would it be bad?
Since you're asking the question, I have to be honest and say that yes, an ex-boyfriend is a bad reason.
Bad relationships can cause a lot of suffering and could be a trigger for bigger problems down the road - but your intense feelings about this relationship are almost certainly temporary - and guys like your ex are a dime a dozen so he himself is not a loss - the only loss is time you invested and the emotional aspect, plus the material goods that he stole from you.

It's quite likely that in a couple months you'll be thankful that he pulled this shit sooner rather than later. Also don't be afraid to call the police on him if there's anything you can reasonably charge him with.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's no worse than a guy wanting to CTB over a lady, or in my case, several ladies over the course of 30 years.

 

[CRT Seal TV]

I wanted to kill myself after I broke up with my ex. It wasn't even abusive, it was entirely mutual. But I realised over time she had been everything to me. I felt like nothing without her. That was 2 years ago. I don't feel like ctbing over her anymore, we've both so thoroughly moved on. I still miss the good times ofc, nothing except maybe another relationship will compare to the comfort and happiness I felt. I am a lot more numb now. A lot more bold too. I look forward to doing whatever I want in my life. I am still occasionally suicidal, but at this point Idc.

All this to say that it seems like your world is over. But it's not. The world has only just begun, you have to play thr game however.

In terms of being a good person and being abused. Try to do small acts of kindness instead, don't expect anything in return. But quite often I find people will thank you, or just be happy. If you are nice to everyone you end up attracting people who take advantage of your niceness. Take a step back, watch what happens if you don't help.

Good luck, best wishes, it's not easy but time moves on. Go outside.