what was your guys first attempt like.

[anomic]

how was your first attempt what did you do and how did it fail and did it change anything.

20g of Advil and nothing happened except an hour of the most painful dry heaving I've ever had and an involuntary inpatient stay. I almost died in my sleep since I took trazodone before sleeping and didn't ever wake up to vomit, however I'm not a back sleeper.

 

[skeletontree]

My first attempt was impulsive. I was around 13 or 14. At that time, I would always wish or pray "not to wake up the next morning" when I went to bed. One night, I grabbed a pillow and tried to suffocate myself. Thirteen-year-old me had no idea that it's not actually easy to suffocate yourself (especially with a pillow) so that's why it failed. The intention to die was there, but there wasn't much thought put into the method or execution. No one noticed what happened. I just sat there for hours, cried, and eventually fell asleep. The next day, I went to school (aka hell/warzone) acted like everything was fine, and pretended it was just another normal day.

 

[hitagi-crab]

I was 12. I tried to hang myself with my belt in my room but it was kinda mediocre in terms of execution (obviously). I ended up just lying on the floor pulling on the belt and that's how my sister found me. my mom had been really mad at me and had just left the house and driven off suddenly and I was scared she was going to kill herself and I wanted to show her I was sorry for being 'bad' (I forgot to check my scores at a practice track meet that day and she got really upset lol). I didn't tell my parents until I was mid-20s. my sister never brought it up either so I went through life thinking she never realized what I was doing. wasn't even the most upsetting thing that happened that day frankly.

 

[primadonna_]

Okay so I was like 8 or 9 and my mom just got done screaming her head off at me so I went to her bathroom and just ate a TON of lotion. Like a ton. Like I was just looking for things with the poison control label on them and I found the lotion and I just thought "well, this is all I have." and just started going. It taste exactly how it smells, not good.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I was I think 16 or 17. Wrote a goodbye letter, put it on the table then tried to hang myself using a belt from heat pipes. But as soon as I stepped off the bed SI kicked in and I stepped back.

 

[NameOfAction]

Okay so I was like 8 or 9 and my mom just got done screaming her head off at me so I went to her bathroom and just ate a TON of lotion. Like a ton. Like I was just looking for things with the poison control label on them and I found the lotion and I just thought "well, this is all I have." and just started going. It taste exactly how it smells, not good.

Yo! You just unlocked a memory. When I was 7 my father was about to belt me for something and my mother screamed at me.
So I grabbed a large screwdriver off the table and threatened my mom with it, kinda like taking a hostage. I screamed for them to back away so I could run, and when they did, I turned the screwdriver on myself and threatened to jam it into my heart, making myself a hostage. I slowly backed away and escaped to the bathroom.

I never considered it an attempt before, because the intent was to get away, not to die. (I was eventually belted anyway)

 

[VanillaBeam]

I tried to hang myself when I was 16 with a belt wedged in the top of a doorway. I stopped because the feeling of passing out was too uncomfortable/got too scared to go through with it.

 

[certified_idiot]

Tried to suffocate myself with a blanket when I was 10. I had gotten in trouble with my parents again, and, recognizing the cycle, decided that if I was dead, they'd be too sad to be mad at me. I didn't get very far lol

 

[aushunaph]

my first attempt was with a bunch of iron supplements. my parents found me crying and took me to the hospital. it didn't even reach toxicity in my blood. i was send to the psych ward and it made everything so much worse.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Recent, half assed attempts at FSH. Best I could do was hang for a second with my hands on the rope, bloodying my big thumb knuckles. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do.

 

[a4001]

I was 11 and took all my mom's birth control thinking that would fuck me over lmaooooooo

 

[pymeow]

how was your first attempt what did you do and how did it fail and did it change anything.

Have had four failed attempts before I knew Sasu. My first wasn't really significant, tried to hang myself with a tie in 3rd grade I guess, but it couldn't support my weight. As for the significant ones, I did 3 successive attempts on Feb 9th, 10th & 14th...the attempt on 10th had the worst effects...
I decided to overdose on codeine phosphate(a weak opioid)as per my research then, 800mg of tablets was lethal, I took 1200mg with some sleeping pills and ion pump inhibitors, had the worst stomach cramps ever, the skin on my left arm was burning and my right arm couldn't stop shaking, I felt like my liver was incinerating itself, passed out and when I gained consiousness, I was covered in stinking mashed tablet vomit. I rember I was starving myself, didn't have nausea but my abdominal muscles were rapidly contracting in a way to force me to vomit nothing... I gave up and visited a hospital at 3 am, I really waited to die but just got chronic pain, now I'm just hoping to get my hands on SN because I need to go aah, too difficult to die, it's disgusting!!!

 

[SummerTrip]

Don't remember the exact age, but I sure was below 7 because I clearly remember ideation kick in at that age. Didn't even comprehend death but I knew this is what I have to do. Was in a stressful situation, crying, pacing back and forth around kitchen with a knife in hand trying to pierce my heart. Thought about falling onto the floor or slamming myself on the furniture to make it quick. Didn't know any other methods. Mom came home and stopped me.

 

[fatpigiee]

The first time I had real suicidal thoughts, I was 9. I believe I had some kind of mental illness; I had really strange beliefs and delusions.
At that time I had just realised that these illusions were not reality, and I tried to die but slowly, things like eating mold, dirt, and insects. Not taking care ofmy health overall
When I was 11, i had my first real attempt. I took about 3 paracetamol tablets, some antibiotics, and random medications from my parents' medicines
It was stupid, and all that happened was I was shaking, felt nauseous, had a stomach ache, and couldn't get out of bed the next day and then got better
I remember isolating myself from my family and deleting everything I had posted on my art account at the time( i regret it forever)before i attempted, and I was sure it was the end for me.

I didn't succeed, but after that I started reading about the side effects and plan more, and that's when my problem began with OD and i made many attempts afterward.

 

[Fresh Soju]

First real-real attempt (not just trying to OD on vitamins, lightly chocking myself and similar when I was stupid lol) was a big cocktail of a lot of various anti-depressants and anti-psychotics in laarge amounts as I'd hoard the pills for almost a year, having gone through like 4-5 different meds on top at that, but I can't remember if I mixed 3 meds or more. I also (maybe stupidly) mixed in tons of painkillers and vitamins, but idk if that would help in any way or not.
I was extremely dizzy and couldn't even crawl almost, puking for 24h even while asleep, convulsing non-stop until I passed out, extreme pain on either side of my chest if I even moved 1 inch but that was mainly it. I forgot the other symptoms at least.
My brain interestingly was extremely sharp and calm, though. I was at peace and just observed myself, which was nice in a way, as I bet panicking would've been terrible in such a state.
Edit: Nothing changed, however. My psychiatrist/psychologist at the time kinda went "eh", as did the nurse I was talking with, as did my parents and my friends.
That was the worst pain as it really made me feel alone.
Though I supposed my mom did force me into a ward some years later because of this perhaps, when I had another close call?

 

[wishingiwasok]

When I was 6 I tried to get my friend to stab me to death because I couldn't handle living anymore but didn't want to do it myself. She wouldn't do it ofc. I tried to slit my throat, but my tiny little kid fingers couldn't even get the switchblade open lol. Found the suicide note last year. Surreal to read.

I was 4 and did get the switchblade open and tried to slit my throat but wasn't strong enough to go deep enough and stopped when it started to hurt. Didn't even break the skin.

 

[InTheAbyss]

I was 7. I hung myself with a skipping rope. Knots and anchor point were good. The skipping rope was a cheap one and broke from me weight after a few seconds.

 

[ineedssris]

how was your first attempt what did you do and how did it fail and did it change anything.

i had been like 14 and taken a handful of my prescriptions. after an hour i started to get insanely sick and was throwing up blood and then passed out. when i regained consciousness i was alone in my room. nobody had even noticed something had happened. i had no friends to tell either. it didn't change my life in any capacity. just reminded me how people only care about me when i am of use to them.

 

[GyreOfAsh]

I've never had an attempt, only practice runs. I'm pretty decent at coping with life despite my conditions & circumstances, so I haven't really considered ctb much at all. I have a feeling that I won't fail any attempts though. I aim to get it right the first time, especially after hearing about the many ways that someone can be screwed for life if they make the wrong mistake.

 

[bugbugbug]

My first time living on my own however long ago, I had a couple of pretty bad roommates and virtually began starving myself for a year (140 - 84 lbs) as I didn't know how to handle the stress and could not afford to move. I got the highest I've ever been, drank a bottle of cough syrup and took all the medicine I could find (anti-psychotics, Tylenol, anti-depression/anxiety and whatever else I could find). I remember being so fuzzy and was later told that I stumbled out of my room and groaned saying "my stomach is on fire" but I don't remember that. I eventually passed out and my blood pressure dropped to the point of almost death. I do remember thinking about how fast my heart was going and how much I just couldn't seem to breathe

 

[Shimweus]

I tried to hang myself 4 times in full suspension and many times in partial hanging. Either something went wrong like the rope ripped or my survival instinct kicked in. After that I unfortunately had ptsd from it. Now I'm afraid to die. I want to go, but I want a more peaceful way to go. But I'm afraid to survive again and that everything will be worse or that I suffer before I die.

 

[sadidiot0328]

how was your first attempt what did you do and how did it fail and did it change anything.

Attempted to overdose on painkillers. Read the bottle wrong though so I didn't take enough, and I ended up in the hospital for 2 days. I remember feeling my heart slow down and my limbs going numb. Quite scary. I was 16.

 

[Webcore]

My first attempt I was maybe 13-14
I was freaked out about bad grades and thought I could drink dish washing soap to kill me. It did nothing but upset my stomach a little. I was so dumb!

 

[MephiticShadow]

I swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. It was pathetic they didn't even have to pump my stomach. Just made me drink charcoal. Messed with my heart for a couple weeks

 

[acerace]

Not a serious attempt but I was about 12 the first time i seriously started considering my options that I would stand in the kitchen at 3am holding a knife to my stomach hoping I could gain the courage to stab myself. At the same time I was drinking literally any cleaning chemicals I could find in the house after a couple weeks I gave up. I think that was the turning point in my life that I started to obsess over suicide. Now its in my head all day every day.

 

[LaetumCat]

Went to a bridge and wanted to jump. Cut my arm lightly and realised going down the hill was too scary (it was rlly fucking steep), so I called my parents and they came for me lol. I was 15, and what had changed.... Well, I know my survival instincts are unfortunately what will most likely stop me from suicide if I try again.
I also realised people don't care. The cops drived by and stopped my mom who was waiting down the hill, my mom told them I tried to take my own life, and they waited until they heard my father's voice thru the phone (we were calling the entire time; my dad climbed up the steep hill to get me), and then they drove away.

 

[turbulent.mind]

it would be pathetic to call it an attempt, it was more of a way to comfort myself in the moment. i just used a belt around the doorknob to do partial hanging, i couldn't breathe but stood up and took it off after few minutes. i knew i wasnt committing to it in the first place since i didn't want my parents to spend money on flying my body back home.