What was this year like for you? I feel horrible

[BimbleBob]

Shit. Every year is shit. Another year wasted, did nothing but spend time alone with my thoughts and misery. I don't care anymore that I'm seen as a bum or a loser, I don't care about explaining why I am the way I am to people as they'll judge regardless. Fuck, I want this to end so bad.

 

[Worndown]

A health setback slowed me down in May. Just now easing back into my normal somewhat fragile life. I guess this year half sucked.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Some bad and some good. There are times when I want to die and other times where I enjoy life. I want to ctb before 2025 because I know logically that any future suffering that I endure will not be outweighed by the happiness, and that death is the final destination of all humans anyway. I also do not want to live as a failure at all, death is preferable. Hopefully my SN arrives before final exam week.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I have been in limbo for so long and this year was no different.
Nothing changes. Same old, same old.
It's like waiting for your own funeral.

 

[affirmatice]

Terrible. Though i've been depressed for the last 4 years. January was the start of one of the deepest spirals. Since then, every single day has been difficult in ways only people on this forum might understand. It hurts. And it made me realize that I can no longer live like this. I would say the odds are quite fairly good that I am gone sometime next year.

Because I can't take anymore. Not only the actual suffering itself. But looking back on another year of my life and my dreams that I have lost to this.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Like it never even happened. Too wrong and impossible to believe it could be true. Not even knowing what is real anymore, because the reality is just unbelievable. My world ended. Now it's like existing in this unreality with no control over what is happening anymore. Don't even know how to feel about it, possibly in denial about the whole chain reaction of events, just getting worse and worse.

 

[savory]

Just as bad if not worse than last year. Not what I thought it'd be at all. Fighting to keep myself optimistic and productive while unemployed didn't pay off. Felt like being kicked while I was down, again and again. Eventually took a job I knew Id be miserable working, kept applying elsewhere, while steadily unraveling inside. Then I got blindsided and was let go. They wouldn't say why. Took it to heart because I'd always been told I'm a good/ hard worker. Maybe I wasn't holding it together as well as I thought and they noticed. Got one job interview thereafter and was rejected because I'm overqualified. Stupid me for not dumbing down my resume and being a good liar.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The earlier part of it was awful. The rest of it has been meh so far.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Every year the downward spiral continues. Next year looks to be worse.
I need to exit, I just am a coward.

 

[Chopper97]

This year went better than expected. Even though It's probably the worst year of my life.

 

[resteasy3232]

honestly really fucking bad, and i feel like this year was shit for everyone lol. lost a lot of things precious to me, even something this month. honestly sucks :/

 

[avalonisburning]

I can't remember 90% of it. Same can be said about last year, and the year before. Seems like every time I blink, another week is gone. I hate it. I wish I could just close my eyes and make it stop.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I didn't do anything slightly productive besides immersing myself deeply in my limerence over my fav artist. I know this might be a coping mechanism since she's basically the only source of joy I still have and she made me feel happiness when I needed most.

I feel so dumb and ridiculous because I'll turn 30 next year and I've amounted to nothing in life besided neeting. At the same time I know I couldn't bring myself to do anything productive because I'm not well mentally. People think I'm just lazy but only I know what I go through every day in my mind. It's a struggle to survive with my brain each day but it doesn't stop me from feeling terrible.

2022 was the last year where I had a few days where I woke up and had a future. I'm just slowly and painfully dying now. No hope no future no really anything.... in terms of years of my life 2024 has by far been the worst of my life. 2023 second worst. And 2022 third. To go from having a bright future to none because someone robbed you of it is indescribable. Maybe even worse is the extraordinary amount of apathy from well everyone...

 

[blacksand]

Want to make it clear that I've read everyone elses.

On the topic of my year: absolute waste of time. Everything has been garbage for me since early last year. Basically 2023 was worse than 2022, 2022 worse than 2021 and this goes back for about 6 years now.

 

[LittleJem]

Constant suicidal ideation and often not able to get out of bed or look after myself unless on substances. Sectioned for the summer. Since I've been out - same again. Enduring this shit for now using substances. Scared of the future.

 

[Felodese]

Failed therapy, failed ctb several times, more anxiety, started self-harming, more meds that didn't work, might get yet another diagnosis after pissing off my shrink by not improving, just getting older and a more hopeless case.

Here's to hoping I'll manage to ctb i 2025

 

[lacustra]

2016 was perhaps the last good year after 2012. I was first suicidal in 2017. It's been getting progressively worse ever since. Sometimes it makes me wonder how unlucky a person would have to be to become so firmly convinced suicide is the only way out and there's seemingly no evidence whatsoever to the contrary.

 

[combatcuteness]

It was great and that only makes it worse, because my can't life be this good. At least not for long. It's only a matter a time before a catastrophe hits me and i'm back to pondering over the intricacies of suicide.

 

[lawlietsph]

I've lost 2 of my cats and my dog.
My horse has been sick the entire year.
I've lost my job, the tiny money that I have - spent it all on vet bills.
Tried to hang myself once, got my heart broken many times.
I was starving for 5 days with zero money, zero job.
I couldn't afford healthcare so they refused to give me my antidepressants - the withdrawal symptoms were horrible, awful, painful and nobody was giving a fuck.
After that I've hit my all time low. August was the most horrible month of my life.
I feel absolutely awful. I still don't have a job and I have no idea what's going to happen to me. I just want to die, people are awful and disgusting and life doesn't matter at all.

 

[CallmeWill4719]

I didn't do anything slightly productive besides immersing myself deeply in my limerence over my fav artist. I know this might be a coping mechanism since she's basically the only source of joy I still have and she made me feel happiness when I needed most.

I feel so dumb and ridiculous because I'll turn 30 next year and I've amounted to nothing in life besided neeting. At the same time I know I couldn't bring myself to do anything productive because I'm not well mentally. People think I'm just lazy but only I know what I go through every day in my mind. It's a struggle to survive with my brain each day but it doesn't stop me from feeling terrible.

Yeah I knew someone who was a neet. Younger than you but still going through the same emotions. This has been the worst year of my life, I don't know objectively, but it's how I feel. 28 and haven't really accomplished anything far as I know. I have virtual copes, music being one of them. We're not "lazy" we're broken and fed up I think.

 

[avalokitesvara]

2024 has been crystallising, clarifying.
I found my path after 5+ years of searching and failing. After struggling and doubting for so long, I finally knew what there was for me to do in life, with my personality and history, and knew it was right for me and for the world, my destiny, my way to be good and thrive and benefit myself and others, be free from all the things I hate in the world, be myself, be what I want to be, grow and evolve and become better and wiser and learn to be a true powerful force for good. Be with the people like me and who I like and want to be around and learn from. Have true community, true brother- and sister-hood, true companionship, with people who understand the truth.

Almost simultaneously with finding this path, I also found that it might not be possible for me to pursue it, that I might be kept from it by bullshit bureaucracy and politics. Accepting that that may well happen meant I became suicidal. I have always had suicide inside me since a long time, but now I know it is my other option. If I can't follow my path, I don't want any other kind of life. It would be impossible now that I know that I had a path, if it was denied me, to carry on. So I will go.

So in 2024 I have spent the happiest months of my life (Jan-April, and August) and the most depressed and despairing and miserable (Oct-now). I've spent the time from October really coming to terms with the fact that if I don't get to do this then I am going to die. Right now that feels very peaceful.

I'm so sorry for everyone who has had a year of unrelenting misery

 

[endofline2010]

This was a year where I gave into my depression and stopped caring about pretty much anything. Add being taken advantage of at work, and a failing relationship. I can't think of one day in the last 6-8 months I didn't consider can at least once.