What was this year like for you? I feel horrible

[vanibless]

Lost all my friends, attempted this year too and honestly I wish it had worked... I feel even worse than I did in 2021

 

[Forever Sleep]

Work has been non stop pretty much since the end of January. I'm absolutely exhausted. It's supposed to be work I enjoy and comparitively, it is I guess but, I'm basically just fed up all the time. When it finally ends, I have the most enormous mess to clean up plus, all the domestic and garden jobs I've just been neglecting, plus my tax return. Plus, then the worry of likely not having work for an unknown period. Life just feels like a never ending sequence of things I have to do but, don't want to. I just want it to end.

 

[Valhala]

The worst year of my life. In January, I broke up with my loved one and since then it has only gotten worse. I believed that we would reconcile during the year, but that did not happen. In April, I began to seriously think about CTB. I know that she is still thinking about to us, but she is hurt, disappointed and angry, and I am broken and without her I see no way out or meaning. CTB is getting closer.

 

[RiverOfLife]

Started out with multiple health and car problems. Increase in work responsibilities during a time of stress and depression.Had major suicidal ideations that started me looking into purchasing a gun.
My mother rapidly started failing and died.
Funny thing, while I was working on getting her set up with hospice and taking care of her the ideations got put on hold.
And Trump won.

 

[My_name_is_Luka]

Horrendous.
First a doctor neglected me for 6 months without treating a food infection, saying that I was imagining things.
Then, like the year before, I've been chased in an outdoor place by a sexual molester. When I thought that I could handle him by myself without the need of overreacting, he started getting more and more obsessed until he caused me health problems and went to the police to play the victim, telling that I was suicidal, I had mental problems and needed help.
Now I'm reaching my limit of what I can tolerate..

 

[sevennn]

the most terrible horrible soul crushing and sad year of my life

 

[broth0100]

i think i made a lot of bad decisions this year, im embarrassed for myself. im full of shame and regret. i wanna ctb but i feel kinda obligated to the messes ive made? idk staring into the pit wishing i could jump mostly

 

[WallowingWillow]

The absolute worst year of my life. Hands down.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

This year has been the worst for me because the demands from life are significantly higher compared to previous years. This is a trend that will continue for me until I'm dead and, unfortunately, I have to wait it out until I die naturally because I'm too stupid to figure out how to die

I feel for you. It seems I may be more stupid, tried and failed 3 times so far. I'm definitely too stupid to figure out how to die. The years get worse and worse for me.

 

[untothedepths]

last 2 years have been a shitdumpsterfire.

 

[vadim]

Shit. I find myself saying "this was the worst year of my life" every year, and it's no different this time. I've made zero progress and haven't achieved shit and feel more miserable than ever :^)

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Pretty awful considering I should have killed myself in February. So far being a 30 year old kissless dateless incel Virgin loser has been 30 times worse than being those things in my 20s. I discovered more uncomfortable truths about myself like how I have anxiety and patterns for falling into limerence but now that I know all this it makes it even less likely I'll ever be able to recover. The only highlights of my year were seeing the Sonic Symphony in January and playing Sonic x Shadow Generations a couple weeks ago. Hopefully Sonic movie 3 will be the third highlight of the year and then I can finally kill myself and stop being such a burden to everyone.

 

[xulam]

I barely left my room this year. I felt so lost after high school and couldn't understand how my friends were able to move on with their lives, so determined to build a good future, while I seemed so determined to make sure I wouldn't have one. I didn't do anything productive at all; I was spending 17-18 hours a day on my phone and I even started avoiding my friends so I wouldn't be reminded of how much of a failure I am.
I still feel like I'm being left behind. These last months, though, I've been trying to hang out with my old friends, and it's actually better than distancing myself. I'm still on my phone 12 hours a day, but I'm happy I'm able to enjoy books and video games again.

 

[Bleh61]

I didn't do anything slightly productive besides immersing myself deeply in my limerence over my fav artist. I know this might be a coping mechanism since she's basically the only source of joy I still have and she made me feel happiness when I needed most.

I feel so dumb and ridiculous because I'll turn 30 next year and I've amounted to nothing in life besided neeting. At the same time I know I couldn't bring myself to do anything productive because I'm not well mentally. People think I'm just lazy but only I know what I go through every day in my mind. It's a struggle to survive with my brain each day but it doesn't stop me from feeling terrible.

I totally understand. I will turn 61 in a month. I've struggled with Complex PTSD all my life. In 2019, after almost ten years in therapy, I felt like I had finally overcome my demons, but Covid undid all the progress I made. I haven't felt this bad in 40 years. I've been out of work since March and on public assistance. My apartment lease expires in April, and I'm behind in my rent. There is a very good chance that I will be homeless by this time next year.

I lost everything this year.
My health, my gf, everything in a matter of months. I am trying my best not to make it to 2025 tho. Already failed once but will try again as soon as possible.

I know how you feel. I've been out of work for 8 months and my lease expires in April of next year. I have the means to end my life. I can OD on Phenobarbital, but I just can't seem to do it

 

[darkside1970]

I lost everything this year.
My health, my gf, everything in a matter of months. I am trying my best not to make it to 2025 tho. Already failed once but will try again as soon as possible.

Likewise in last 18 months , partner left without saying goodbye, now about to lose home and business . Thought I could rebuild but I can't . It hasn't mattered how much I gave back to all, I can't find the strength to go on.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

I totally understand. I will turn 61 in a month. I've struggled with Complex PTSD all my life. In 2019, after almost ten years in therapy, I felt like I had finally overcome my demons, but Covid undid all the progress I made. I haven't felt this bad in 40 years. I've been out of work since March and on public assistance. My apartment lease expires in April, and I'm behind in my rent. There is a very good chance that I will be homeless by this time next year.

I know how you feel. I've been out of work for 8 months and my lease expires in April of next year. I have the means to end my life. I can OD on Phenobarbital, but I just can't seem to do it

Heck pass the pheno if you change your mind, seriously DM me if you change your mind. Covid was out of nowhere hopefully once in 100 years off the charts alteration of how we live life. Don't blame yourself there, I imagine you are doing what you can to survive, just surviving is the hardest thing. I can only dream of going lights out, tried and failed 3 times now. I just want to be gone. Are there any programs whether through Social Services, local organizations like United Way or others that could help with rent? Maybe even reach out to AARP to find out if there's any help they can point you towards, even the local Foodbanks may be able to refer you to organizations that may be able to help with rent even if just for a month or two or a few months. It's so damn hard when you're just surviving because all your thoughts and energy go to that, no time to dream, create, relax, focus on bettering our health, etc. I've spent far too long in survival mode and want to be gone.

 

[IrishBug]

This year has been absolutely shocking for me. In late 2023 I got referred to a neurologist because I developed a tremor and suspected I had Parkinson's.

It took 8 months to get an appointment with the neurologist. The first neurologist then referred me to another one who specialises in tremors and it took a few months to get in to see him.

The wait was incredibly difficult and I ended up inpatient at a psychiatric hospital.

The second neurologist diagnosed me with Parkinson's. I feel slightly better now knowing what it is and I am seeing some results with the medication although it is a very difficult diagnosis to swallow.

 

[illbesafesomeday]

This year is a freaking traitor… Usually even numbered years goes a little bit better for me, but not this one.

And the fuck I know next year would be worse. Might just do some carbon monoxide stint inside my car one of these days. Not interested anymore what's gonna happen next…

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Every year gets worse in a way but I become more Desensitized to it aswell,, if that makes sense.
No point typing up a book when I know I'll be here for another..
Another..

 

[Tired_of_myself]

this year was better than the last… last year I tried 2 times, felt like a fraud. This year was a little better but sometimes I caught myself thinking that nothing really matters, you know?

 

[Mayfly]

Each year ends up being the worst I've ever lived through — I don't know why anyone would choose to fight when they're caught up in a similar rut
My partner left so I have to kill myself ASAP lol

 

[ElVato]

I started off with a little hope. I have been killing it at my job, gotten a lot of bonuses and whatnot (it's a very nice job in general, tbh). But every year is worse. I've had more attempts to ctb in this second half than ever in my life, the closest one was just a couple months ago too. SI is still very strong, but I think I have my ticket in the form of SN.

Usually, the xmas season cheers me up a little because people, more or less, fuck off. That's why I want to execute my SN plan around that season. I really don't want to see 2025.

My psychiatrist has cancer and is already into the second of his 3 year expectancy , so that's quite the bummer too.