Discussion What phase of CTB are you currently in?

[goomsoom]

Did all planning, reasearch, got supplies.

Then kinda entered the recovery phase. It lasted a while, got busy with a lot of stuff.

Now back to where I started. I want to escape but don't know how or what should I do.

I forgot about the research and planning I did. Ahh now I don't have the energy to do all that again.

 

[strangeceleste]

Presently 4, or maybe 5-6. It changes throughout the day and over time (bpd probs hehe) but I have a lot to live for so idk

 

[aminend]

2

 

[Downbylife]

4, depends how will my disease develop tho

 

[EDMisgood]

somewhere between 2 and 3

 

[suicidesheep31]

4-5

 

[lofticries]

A combination of 3 and 4 as of now. I mean I am actively researching my method to the fullest and even looking at other options. I do plan to ctb when both parents die since after that there will be no point in living. No friends,not close with any family members, no plans for husband or kids. Honestly the whole point of me getting a bit out of my depression is so I can get a decent job,take care of my parents in old age, knock a couple things off my bucket list, become independent, and finance whatever ctb method I choose. If I get really lonely along the way I'll just get a cat but one in adulthood.

 

[alittlehuman_]

Friday evening and I am not suicidal anymore. I am at peace now and I know there is nothing I need. I am just enjoying me because I haven't been able to be me since 2007.

I think it matters what language is used. Suicidal conjures a sense of individual who is panic and just the way I felt without company and escape without brutality. I think the narrative that is found here can be influential. People are haunted by us. If they would evolve then they would not lose the best humans the have for the very thing that makes them so intolerable. Creatives, empathic, curious creatures like dolphins who play at the helm of our ships. Or bigger yet ET instead just dirty old chimpanzees. They are revolting and now I know I was not sad because they were living a life I wanted and I didn't feel left out. It felt medieval to be forced to listen to Christmas music grind away yet again. I am awake and I want my planet that is it. It saddens that right now there is someone in more pain then I bear to even consider. Honestly my problem is not really a big after all. I don't want the inconvenience of being poor and the fucking head ache of packing and finding some hole. The reason is there is nothing to be gained on my end. So I am going to find a way to exit the human part and move on.

And that is because of you. I would still be trapped and just fucked on daily basis until my body was destroyed. I would be victimized without shelter and frankly anyone could have done whatever they wanted to do to me. I am not an animal so I understand I could recover because that means I must start picking my butt hole and then smelling that finger singing christmas carols while stepping over a human in my way. I don't remember anymore why this could have ever made sense to me.

 

[hfdepression30]

Between 2-3. I'm ready to go at any time, but I keep pushing it back because I'm weak

 

[HowNowBrownCow]

Probably 4. I ordered sn and once it arrives we'll see from there

 

[Isisnefert]

cause my state of elevated anxiety I can move quickly from one level to another in the same day, when I wake up I am at 1, then I go to 2, to 3, rarely to 4, right now, at this time 2-3

A combination of 3 and 4 as of now. I mean I am actively researching my method to the fullest and even looking at other options. I do plan to ctb when both parents die since after that there will be no point in living. No friends,not close with any family members, no plans for husband or kids. Honestly the whole point of me getting a bit out of my depression is so I can get a decent job,take care of my parents in old age, knock a couple things off my bucket list, become independent, and finance whatever ctb method I choose. If I get really lonely along the way I'll just get a cat but one in adulthood.

same

 

[Mellowness]

3 for me

 

[Deathbydemo]

2. I intend to go as soon as my SN arrives.

 

[Bedrock48]

Mainly 5, my mood fluctuates day to day and even between hours. Have had a couple days this week at a 2 though, just a shame this is the one week I can't do anything.

 

[WaterHemlock]

I'm 5. I've researched methods and settled on one. Not elegant or easy but it's worked for many. I've gathered my paperwork. I've thought through my reasons and determined them sound. I've written my notes, then rewritten them then thrown them out. It's not like everyone isn't aware of me being suicidal.
My main concern is privacy and not letting my young niece be the one who finds me.
There are countless times I've been right at the edge and then stumbled on a complication, (or an actual person in a wood I thought private!)
But there will come a time when the road blocks I set up for myself will be washed out by a sudden flood, I know it. There will be a perfect time.
It's been kinda peaceful here in the eye of the storm, waiting. I think maybe I've been in this holding pattern since I was thirteen. Never really committing to life, never really seeing a future.

It occurs to me, what a bunch of warriors we are, facing this each day.

I guess kind of 1 and 5. I made a will, which took weeks, but that is done. I've allayed people's fears by saying it's about COVID. I still need to take care of a "final wishes" document. I'd been thinking a lot about full or partial suspension, or perhaps the cargo-strap trick. But re-examining exit bag, I've regained confidence--and found a regulator that doesn't cost the earth. I only really need to get that, a bag & tubing, and of course the gas itself.

I'm kind of waiting to see if ketamine treatment does anything for me. Real tired of waiting, though.

I have heard good things about ketamine.
I've never heard of the cargo strap trick.

 

[sadworld]

I've been in most of them.
Right now I'd say I'm in 2 but it's possible that it will change to 3 again...
You gotta enjoy the ride I guess...

 

[Symbiote]

Solid 3 atm. Give me a shitty life event and it'll change to a 2 instantly.

 

[Last chance]

1

I have everything I need Im just really struggling to write my notes.

 

[Happy deathday!]

This will be about the different phases of CTB. What phase are you currently in? I personally have veered in and out of these different phases for a long time. Sometimes stuck in one forever, only to move into another, then back again. I am sure everyone is quite familiar with them. Here are the options I have came up with. Look forward to hearing from you all!

1. Planning stage, actively suicidal

2. Actively suicidal and ready to go

3. Actively suicidal. Will CTB but don't have a date.

4. Passively suicidal. Will CTB probably sometime later in life.

5. Combination of active and passive suicidal ideation. Don't have a date.

6. Combination of active and passive suicidal ideation but will never actually be able to CTB.

1

 

[Odwin]

I am Between 1 and 5. Basicly I have some points in my plan I do now before the rest follows, but I am sure if something major happens its a deep 1.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

4. As soon as my dog passed on l'll get him cremated and then 'Bang' !!!

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Practically:

In order of apperance, from left to right,
First row (CTB kit): meto, ibuprofen, ranitidine, alprazolam, propranolol, SN.
Second row (testing kit): 1000g/0,1g digital scale, syringe, 2 litres of distilled water.

Testring strips will be coming sometime this week.

Mentally:
All over the place. On your scale:
3. Actively suicidal. Will CTB but don't have a date.

 

[Whole-Ad]

1. I've planned my suicide and I'm currently waiting for my SN to arrive. I'm not ready to die yet though as I still need to finish writing my note, clear out my bedroom of useless junk, and I have just over £1000 I need to withdraw from holiday funds at work.

 

[ansiedad]

5

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

2/3 i just don't know when

 

[Charaltontin]

I'll say 1-2 I just hope I don't baby out again...I'm not scared of dying.. honestly I'm more scared of getting in trouble then anything

 

[BandAddict]

I think 1. I have a roundabout date planned, and pretty much everything I need, wanna get a couple things done first. Just struggling with it all. Sometimes the thoughts feel more ambiguous, like a 3/5, perhaps due to fear or doubt.

 

[dreamlessnight]

Planning and research stage, with quiet, serious intent. Want to do it right the first time, combined with (probably like most on here) not seeing a clear path to victory just yet, so have to dig for information, learn how to use crypto and Tails, things like that.

This, me 3. I'd always recommend that place, the infamous Internet hate machine and meme spouting 4chan to get yourself started in computers. /g/ is no longer a cool place, but the guides are still up, you can troubleshoot a toaster and run Doom if you follow the wikis.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess 3-4, I know I will ctb at some point in my life, I think about it a lot but I'm not really desperate and I don't plan to do it in the near future. Ctb is still certain for me though.

 

[virtually_anybody]

1-2 I'm only waiting on my date to arrive, I got everything I need, crossed everything off of my gift list, Got a will, a plan, and booked bus tickets and reservations for the hotel.