I'm 5. I've researched methods and settled on one. Not elegant or easy but it's worked for many. I've gathered my paperwork. I've thought through my reasons and determined them sound. I've written my notes, then rewritten them then thrown them out. It's not like everyone isn't aware of me being suicidal.
My main concern is privacy and not letting my young niece be the one who finds me.
There are countless times I've been right at the edge and then stumbled on a complication, (or an actual person in a wood I thought private!)
But there will come a time when the road blocks I set up for myself will be washed out by a sudden flood, I know it. There will be a perfect time.
It's been kinda peaceful here in the eye of the storm, waiting. I think maybe I've been in this holding pattern since I was thirteen. Never really committing to life, never really seeing a future.
It occurs to me, what a bunch of warriors we are, facing this each day.
I guess kind of 1 and 5. I made a will, which took weeks, but that is done. I've allayed people's fears by saying it's about COVID. I still need to take care of a "final wishes" document. I'd been thinking a lot about full or partial suspension, or perhaps the cargo-strap trick. But re-examining exit bag, I've regained confidence--and found a regulator that doesn't cost the earth. I only really need to get that, a bag & tubing, and of course the gas itself.
I'm kind of waiting to see if ketamine treatment does anything for me. Real tired of waiting, though.
I have heard good things about ketamine.
I've never heard of the cargo strap trick.
