nothing realistic. Only i can help myself . what i want is my suicide asap.
I have 100's of reasons to want to suicide. But i don't see any objective reason to live. There is no objective purpose to life. life is meaningless . to me the only real thing is extreme pain and extreme suffering which i want to avoid.
There are so many horrible things that can happen to a human or other sentient animal. I wouldn't want to live if some problems were even fixed by winning the lottery. But that's statistically impossible . magic is also impossible to remove all bad things and problems in life. Everything is subject to the law of Entropy . All systems break down including the human body and brain , things go wrong , problems occur.
There isn't a way to remove all suffering, all pain , all problems or to create objective meaning to live.
They made everything to help me in suicide a crime . and censored everything
They made suicide so difficult . banned nembutal and assisted suicide. If you had an electrical problem in your house. how hard would it be to fix it yourself? very difficult if you couldn't hire an electrician. I'd be scared to shock myself with electricity. And then if they would censor all info on the internet youtube etc on how to do repairs for electricity would make it even more difficult to fix the electrical problem. so this is why suicide is so difficult. they censored all info, they made everything related to helping in suicide a crime. same thing for anything else like car repair, plumbing , buying any product would be impossible for you to make a product as only companies can do it just like companies could make nembutal , sn , or suicide machines but those are restricted and illegal.
only i can do my own suicide because they made it a crime for anyone to help in my suicide. They made it a crime for anybody to sell me anything , any service an product any assistance with my suicide. so becuase it is a crime it's much harder to trust anyone that would say they would do it for example a hit man to kill me . but i
don't have that kind of money anyway.
What is see that it's all noise. With some initial basic BIOS , only a few instincts the brain is trained to subjectively like some of this noise. So the brain / mind is trained to think some things are good or get to like some things that are not objectively good. you might think i'm crazy but Shakespeare said " Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so " in the 1600's . for example I don't think youtube tv sports news social media are objectively good important or enjoyable but i became addicted to that garbage because i spent a lot of time as a child monkey looking at that garbage so became addicted to it.