To be quite frank, I am slightly embarrassed to be splurging, considering many other people on this site have considerably worse problems than I, whether physical or mental, financial or otherwise.
My main reasons are due to mental health/conditions. I have mild Autism/Aspergers, ADHD, as well as undiagnosed depression and anxiety. The last three worsened considerably during the pandemic. A more short term reason would be my academics, but for brevitys sake, I'll elaborate on that in another comment if people want to know more about that.
My ADHD (only very recently diagnosed) has where almost anything I set my mind to ends up being half done at best, which has always left me in a state of limbo and uncertainty and, as someone who prides themselves on achievement and excellence, I almost always come away frustrated and feeling as if I'm never able to fulfil my potential and function as a human being. This played havoc with my academics, While I'm grateful to having being diagnosed this year and thus having medication that has greatly helped me, I only wish I'd have had it much earlier when it could have made more a difference.
As for my depression, it's robbed me of the ability to genuinely enjoy life and even lifelong interests, hobbies, passions et cetera. Even my sense of humour has largely evaporated over the years. Not even truly beautiful places such as the Lake District (I'm British) can lift it. Regular depressive episodes lasting between a day and a week really cut into my productivity, and most likely contribute to an ever weaker working memory. I suspect the ADHD has contributed, but I've other reasons for depression, ehich aren't specific to it, so I doubt knowing about the former would have changed my circumstances significantly. The antidepressants I've tried haven't mitigated anything and the most recent one only makes me have a sore throat. I'll try and see if another batch works, but I'm sceptical.
Whilst it's been an exacerbating factor, the autism is a facet of myself which isn't a reason in of itself, but does contribute to a lack of tolerance for incompleteness along with impaired social skills, which spurred me to pursue excellence in other areas. Unfortunately, this seems to be a series of Sisyphean tasks and I've just become exhausted.
Considering how bleak things like housing prices are, along with the matter of me living with my family as I'm unable to work due to depression, makes me feel superfluous and dependent on others, as opposed to forging my own way in life.
While I had hopes and dreams, I believe that most are unachievable at this point or, even if they were, I couldn't bring myself to care about them, considering my mind processes everything as stale, starchy mush these days. I've had this experience for such a long time (over a decade) and I feel like such a dysfunctional and miserable mess that I wish to end my existence.
My main reasons are due to mental health/conditions. I have mild Autism/Aspergers, ADHD, as well as undiagnosed depression and anxiety. The last three worsened considerably during the pandemic. A more short term reason would be my academics, but for brevitys sake, I'll elaborate on that in another comment if people want to know more about that.
My ADHD (only very recently diagnosed) has where almost anything I set my mind to ends up being half done at best, which has always left me in a state of limbo and uncertainty and, as someone who prides themselves on achievement and excellence, I almost always come away frustrated and feeling as if I'm never able to fulfil my potential and function as a human being. This played havoc with my academics, While I'm grateful to having being diagnosed this year and thus having medication that has greatly helped me, I only wish I'd have had it much earlier when it could have made more a difference.
As for my depression, it's robbed me of the ability to genuinely enjoy life and even lifelong interests, hobbies, passions et cetera. Even my sense of humour has largely evaporated over the years. Not even truly beautiful places such as the Lake District (I'm British) can lift it. Regular depressive episodes lasting between a day and a week really cut into my productivity, and most likely contribute to an ever weaker working memory. I suspect the ADHD has contributed, but I've other reasons for depression, ehich aren't specific to it, so I doubt knowing about the former would have changed my circumstances significantly. The antidepressants I've tried haven't mitigated anything and the most recent one only makes me have a sore throat. I'll try and see if another batch works, but I'm sceptical.
Whilst it's been an exacerbating factor, the autism is a facet of myself which isn't a reason in of itself, but does contribute to a lack of tolerance for incompleteness along with impaired social skills, which spurred me to pursue excellence in other areas. Unfortunately, this seems to be a series of Sisyphean tasks and I've just become exhausted.
Considering how bleak things like housing prices are, along with the matter of me living with my family as I'm unable to work due to depression, makes me feel superfluous and dependent on others, as opposed to forging my own way in life.
While I had hopes and dreams, I believe that most are unachievable at this point or, even if they were, I couldn't bring myself to care about them, considering my mind processes everything as stale, starchy mush these days. I've had this experience for such a long time (over a decade) and I feel like such a dysfunctional and miserable mess that I wish to end my existence.
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