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Illidan77

Illidan77

╰━≪ - ≫─╯
Nov 22, 2022
116
A lot of similar reasons like previous answers, for the first failed attempt.. but this time.. still same reasons, but more into some kind realization.
 
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xenoz

xenoz

Member
Dec 5, 2022
15
Whenever I hear someone ask this, the only thing I can really say is "dude, look outside."
For me, things are fucked up on both a personal and societal scale. The world is full of utter trash that are the ones that actually deserve to die, and let's face it, pollution and climate change are far past irreversible and any scientist saying we still have time is lying to the public to instill false hope.
And, let's say I wasn't as much of a pessimist about it, then what? The second I was born I was doomed to live the same life as everyone else on this planet, where I wake up, spend all of my waking hours working to barely afford necessities, where one bill can send me out onto the fucking street. And it's just that, over and over and over and over again 'til I croak. Whether I CTB now or die of some other cause years later, I'll still have gotten the exact same amount of joy out of life. I've tried therapy, it didn't work, I went to a mental hospital only to find it degrading and infantilizing, to the point I genuinely believe I'm worse off after going there. What else is there besides that? If what supposedly helps every other depressed person can't even help me, then that's it, what else can I do? Stick around with a bowl of popcorn and just wait for everything to get worse?

My dad said the phrase "life sucks, and then you die" a lot when I was a child, and I'm inclined to believe him. I just wanna make life suck for not as long.
 
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R

Resinn66

Student
Sep 5, 2021
120
Same reasons: chronic Depression, severe social anxiety , lack of pleasure in almost anything in life and many others disadvantages. Nature has deprived me of basic tools to face life and I've never been meant for this world. Three failed attempt so far, waiting for the next "trigger"
 
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Tired and Done

Tired and Done

Member
Dec 14, 2022
22
I just don't have anything left in me to keep going on. I am tired, afraid, hopeless, defenceless and so sad. There is just too much wrong to even explain it all. It's like being a raw nerve open to everything. It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to live anymore. I cannot see a way forward
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,874
I just don't have anything left in me to keep going on. I am tired, afraid, hopeless, defenceless and so sad. There is just too much wrong to even explain it all. It's like being a raw nerve open to everything. It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to live anymore. I cannot see a way forward
Describes my own miserable life this year quite well also
 
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J

jessisme

Specialist
Dec 3, 2022
382
I have to do it to escape a fate worse than death.
 
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S

SorrowMind

Member
Nov 9, 2022
48
excruciating physical pain and mental torture from debilitating chronic conditions making existence torture every second.
plus the isolation, hopelessness, disability, the disgust from
people who treat me like a burden, the misery of relying on others because of limited mobility and lack of body autonomy, whith no prospect of having any cure available anywhere soon, just life prolonging drugs while my body and mind are deteriorating rapidly and losing all dignity
 
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Anna.

Anna.

Wishing I never existed
Aug 24, 2022
68
when my family told me they hated me
 
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T

Timetoleave1

Member
Jan 4, 2023
23
Terminal illness and debilitation of the mind.
At this point, it is just the (only) option. It becomes very rational, natural, even the body will be cooperating and survival instinct, like many other things now, is of no concern.
 
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sincerelysad

sincerelysad

bpd . chronic pain . ptsd . pls be kind <3
Jan 4, 2023
158
when i asked for help and to come home from family and was coldly and promptly rejected.
 
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Suicidebydeath

Suicidebydeath

No chances to be happy - dead inside
Nov 25, 2021
3,558
It's not my only option but its probably the best one for me, sadly.
 
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DeadManLiving

DeadManLiving

Ticketholder
Sep 9, 2022
315
The sociobiological construct of relationships. As a man, you're only dateable based on how much you have in your account. When I was in college without a dollar to my name nobody would give me the time of day.

Until I finally killed it and landed a hedge fund job and made bank. Then everybody all of a sudden remembered my name. So when I was nobody with nothing to show I wasn't dateable, but all of a sudden when I stole the show I was an eligible bachelor. Oh really?

The hedge fund blew up, and with it my relationships due to my socioeconomic status. Although, I knew what I was capable of. I rebuilt everything over thrice as much. The Exes came back after they saw the money and I also had every woman's attention all of a sudden. Oh nice! So now when I have money I the woman all of a sudden line up. Interesting!

So then I did a social experiment: I posted on Facebook that my joint venture blew up, my car was repossessed and I had a lien on my house and was staying with my brother. The first person to leave my life was my fiance, followed by a few colleagues and some dead weight friends. Then I hit the rewind button post on Facebook that it was as social experiment, my joint venture was thriving, my car was intact in the garage and I had a selfie pic with a new second Audi, and my Soho flat wasn't actually repossessed I just rented it out on Airbnb and just stayed with my brother in for the duration of the experiment. During that time it felt like I was back in high school. I was the sideline guy in the back of every girl's eye, the backup option in the back of their radar while they set their sights on high.

When everyone found out they were surprised, but I found out who my true friends were and the rest well, the rest is history.

I sold my second startup for a nice ton of cash, lit up a match and set it all the blaze. I disposed all of my assets to charity and funding for University research, and essentially through everything away.

Life is a sociobiological game and there's no such thing as relationships based on who you are as a person; your qualities, character, integrity and values. Rather, relationships are based on the size of your wallet, and the quality based on how much it's quantity changes over time. Removing myself from this playing field as a participant of it to the stadium as an objective observer of it - it's a cute game, just not my speed. No complaints. To the contrary, selection of mates based on socioeconomic status is a critical evolutionary function enabling the propagation of this species survival.

I have patents and intellectual property where I can just reset and make bank again, I still have industry connections and access to funding. But why the fuck would I want to make all of this money to share with someone whose love is measured not by what I'm worth on the inside but by how my income varies?

And so, it's a cute game but I'm clocking out. All of my funds have been disposed to fund research for Alzheimer's and other ailments.

And the rest is history. Let everybody fuck each other and propagate away and enjoy all of life's pleasures, but I want no part in it. I've made peace with my fate accepted my end and will be pulling the plug with a lethal infusion of Profanol, Phenobarbital and Fentanyl with the mega dose of benzos as I tried in my first attempt. Unfortunately I was found after someone heard me gagging on my vomit.

This time I won't be found. Anyways, the combination feels like being overwhelmed with this massive Rush of with euphoria that becomes so increasingly overwhelming and peaceful you feel like you're resting your head on a pillow, sinking your head into a warm summer cloud, expelling yourself into non-existence.

That's it folks!
 
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R

randy

Student
Jan 6, 2023
155
lifelong depression, regret and guilt over not treating someone well, someone who was willing to be my life partner if I had only invested in the relationship. can't go back and undo that. now 10 years later stuck with a lonely life with no hope of love.
 
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Archamais

Archamais

Member
Jan 8, 2023
22
It's not my only option it's just what I really want. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, I'm sick of loving the wrong people. I've wanted to fall asleep and not wake up since I was 14 (I'm 32 now) it's time.
 
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Szinuus

Szinuus

I see the bus...I can almost see it
Aug 19, 2022
211
Chronic pain, obviously.
 
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thereisthemist

thereisthemist

drops common loot when defeated
Nov 5, 2021
159
it's literally in the site name, having no sanctuary, being just a gravity-less dust drifting in the cosmos
 
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L

lionetta12

Just a random person
Aug 5, 2022
1,276
To be quite frank, I am slightly embarrassed to be splurging, considering many other people on this site have considerably worse problems than I, whether physical or mental, financial or otherwise.

My main reasons are due to mental health/conditions. I have mild Autism/Aspergers, ADHD, as well as undiagnosed depression and anxiety. The last three worsened considerably during the pandemic. A more short term reason would be my academics, but for brevitys sake, I'll elaborate on that in another comment if people want to know more about that.

My ADHD (only very recently diagnosed) has where almost anything I set my mind to ends up being half done at best, which has always left me in a state of limbo and uncertainty and, as someone who prides themselves on achievement and excellence, I almost always come away frustrated and feeling as if I'm never able to fulfil my potential and function as a human being. This played havoc with my academics, While I'm grateful to having being diagnosed this year and thus having medication that has greatly helped me, I only wish I'd have had it much earlier when it could have made more a difference.

As for my depression, it's robbed me of the ability to genuinely enjoy life and even lifelong interests, hobbies, passions et cetera. Even my sense of humour has largely evaporated over the years. Not even truly beautiful places such as the Lake District (I'm British) can lift it. Regular depressive episodes lasting between a day and a week really cut into my productivity, and most likely contribute to an ever weaker working memory. I suspect the ADHD has contributed, but I've other reasons for depression, ehich aren't specific to it, so I doubt knowing about the former would have changed my circumstances significantly. The antidepressants I've tried haven't mitigated anything and the most recent one only makes me have a sore throat. I'll try and see if another batch works, but I'm sceptical.

Whilst it's been an exacerbating factor, the autism is a facet of myself which isn't a reason in of itself, but does contribute to a lack of tolerance for incompleteness along with impaired social skills, which spurred me to pursue excellence in other areas. Unfortunately, this seems to be a series of Sisyphean tasks and I've just become exhausted.

Considering how bleak things like housing prices are, along with the matter of me living with my family as I'm unable to work due to depression, makes me feel superfluous and dependent on others, as opposed to forging my own way in life.

While I had hopes and dreams, I believe that most are unachievable at this point or, even if they were, I couldn't bring myself to care about them, considering my mind processes everything as stale, starchy mush these days. I've had this experience for such a long time (over a decade) and I feel like such a dysfunctional and miserable mess that I wish to end my existence.
I didn't decide it, life decided that for me.
 
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spoiledsick

spoiledsick

bones to earth, back to god, i'm sick of waiting.
Jan 4, 2023
30
there is no other way to end the pain.
 
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J

jessisme

Specialist
Dec 3, 2022
382
The sociobiological construct of relationships. As a man, you're only dateable based on how much you have in your account. When I was in college without a dollar to my name nobody would give me the time of day.

Until I finally killed it and landed a hedge fund job and made bank. Then everybody all of a sudden remembered my name. So when I was nobody with nothing to show I wasn't dateable, but all of a sudden when I stole the show I was an eligible bachelor. Oh really?

The hedge fund blew up, and with it my relationships due to my socioeconomic status. Although, I knew what I was capable of. I rebuilt everything over thrice as much. The Exes came back after they saw the money and I also had every woman's attention all of a sudden. Oh nice! So now when I have money I the woman all of a sudden line up. Interesting!

So then I did a social experiment: I posted on Facebook that my joint venture blew up, my car was repossessed and I had a lien on my house and was staying with my brother. The first person to leave my life was my fiance, followed by a few colleagues and some dead weight friends. Then I hit the rewind button post on Facebook that it was as social experiment, my joint venture was thriving, my car was intact in the garage and I had a selfie pic with a new second Audi, and my Soho flat wasn't actually repossessed I just rented it out on Airbnb and just stayed with my brother in for the duration of the experiment. During that time it felt like I was back in high school. I was the sideline guy in the back of every girl's eye, the backup option in the back of their radar while they set their sights on high.

When everyone found out they were surprised, but I found out who my true friends were and the rest well, the rest is history.

I sold my second startup for a nice ton of cash, lit up a match and set it all the blaze. I disposed all of my assets to charity and funding for University research, and essentially through everything away.

Life is a sociobiological game and there's no such thing as relationships based on who you are as a person; your qualities, character, integrity and values. Rather, relationships are based on the size of your wallet, and the quality based on how much it's quantity changes over time. Removing myself from this playing field as a participant of it to the stadium as an objective observer of it - it's a cute game, just not my speed. No complaints. To the contrary, selection of mates based on socioeconomic status is a critical evolutionary function enabling the propagation of this species survival.

I have patents and intellectual property where I can just reset and make bank again, I still have industry connections and access to funding. But why the fuck would I want to make all of this money to share with someone whose love is measured not by what I'm worth on the inside but by how my income varies?

And so, it's a cute game but I'm clocking out. All of my funds have been disposed to fund research for Alzheimer's and other ailments.

And the rest is history. Let everybody fuck each other and propagate away and enjoy all of life's pleasures, but I want no part in it. I've made peace with my fate accepted my end and will be pulling the plug with a lethal infusion of Profanol, Phenobarbital and Fentanyl with the mega dose of benzos as I tried in my first attempt. Unfortunately I was found after someone heard me gagging on my vomit.

This time I won't be found. Anyways, the combination feels like being overwhelmed with this massive Rush of with euphoria that becomes so increasingly overwhelming and peaceful you feel like you're resting your head on a pillow, sinking your head into a warm summer cloud, expelling yourself into non-existence.

That's it folks!

I wholeheartedly respect your decision
to ctb as you clearly have many reasons but just wanted to say that my brother makes about $12,000.00 USD a year and he has never had a problem attracting quality mates so maybe it's the environment you were meeting these people in. Just wanted to say it's not all about the money everywhere, all the time. It may just be a characteristic of the culture you were involved in when you were involved with your hedge fund. That makes sense for those circumstances but it doesn't speak for everyone, everywhere, all the time. xo
 
SadScarlet

SadScarlet

Member
Nov 7, 2022
15
My entire life in general. Biggest thing would probably be the SA that happened to me at 3 years old, and then 13. Abandonment from parents after the SA, (had to be adopted) and mother chose the creep over me. Severe depression, panic disorder, and possibly the worst of all the mental illnesses, severe OCD. Not to mention probable undiagnosed autism and ADHD. The chronic loneliness from being unable to make friends, can barely even look anyone in the eyes. I've always been a weird girl, and bullied for it as a child.
Even writing this is hard for me, and feel like I'm sharing too much.
I'm tired of waking up, feeling worthless.
 
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DeadManLiving

DeadManLiving

Ticketholder
Sep 9, 2022
315
I wholeheartedly respect your decision
to ctb as you clearly have many reasons but just wanted to say that my brother makes about $12,000.00 USD a year and he has never had a problem attracting quality mates so maybe it's the environment you were meeting these people in. Just wanted to say it's not all about the money everywhere, all the time. It may just be a characteristic of the culture you were involved in when you were involved with your hedge fund. That makes sense for those circumstances but it doesn't speak for everyone, everywhere, all the time. xo
I wrote that reply with one eye open and the other closed awake from the other day so I just realized the clusterfuck of typos I made LOL can't edit it now but anyways ...

Kudos to your brother, and of course it's not all about the money everywhere all the time. Equally, I also had no problem attracting quality mates. But I realized over time that it's not what you can attract, it's what you can keep. It's not how much money you make, it's how much you can keep.

Equally, what matters more than how much love you have in your life right now - is for how long it will last; and on what terms it will end (by heart shattering shock, a bittersweet break up, or 'till death do its part').

For as long remains alive, one must contend with a very broad array of likely harms and devastating risks which are very likely to arise in the future, outweighing the total net balance of life's future goodness which a bright future may behold. As much as I'm an evangelist of optimism and fanatic of opportunity in the change for the better, my only allegiance has always been and remains steadfast to the cold hard bitter truth.

A speaker of the truth has no friends or fans, but if must be told - the reality is we live optimistically only to shortchange ourselves running out of steam going from Mirage to Mirage, wandering everywhere only to end up in the middle of nowhere blinded by the sandstorm and mental dehydration.

Of course you'll have that stroke of luck that'll hit you like a bolt of bliss one day. But blinded in its flash, the part that goes unthought of is that things getting better are unlikely to stay that way, and you make up one day with everything gone in the blink of eye. The lottery of life is both statistically stacked against you and for me personally I find that untenable.
 
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ilikecats

ilikecats

Member
Feb 15, 2023
37
Well I am not sure I want to do it just yet but. I tried to talk to my friends but they just don't care about me . I can't talk to my family about it , it will just change my life and reputation forever plus they wouldn't understand . And in my country mental health is so taboo and their are not a lot of services except therapists ( I don't have the money) and I talked in a lot of different forms but it doesn't seem to make any difference.
 
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EndlessDream

EndlessDream

Member
Feb 15, 2023
95
Realising doing anything productive requires suffering when I've already suffered enough. I have a long way to recovery, one that is not worth the suffering.
 
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leloyon

leloyon

I'll see you in the Wired.
Feb 4, 2023
1,496
Lifelong mental illness as well as the extent of the mental illness. My illnesses have gotten to the point where I cannot function in society or get a job. I cannot imagine living for the rest of my life as a shut-in with no goals or purpose, and my illnesses make me not want to live an average human lifespan as-is, both due to not wanting to have to deal with depression and my other issues for at least another 40 years (taking lower lifespan into account) and the fear of growing old. I have accepted suicide as an inevitability. I cannot see myself dying any other way.
 
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M

missingpeace

Arcanist
Feb 4, 2023
431
The pattern of everything disintegrating a d nothing getting better. The entity attacks getting even more intense, me disappearing, absolutely no one able to help, losing my sanity and knowing it will continue to worsen. Need to get out of here and fast..
 
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GasMonkey

GasMonkey

Nitrogen Master Race
May 15, 2022
1,878
Genetics+Environment.
 
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H

HadItAll

I just want to be completely forgotten
Feb 20, 2023
243
When I got my autoimmune symptoms at 24 and realised there's no curing them. When I also realised I got them from one of my parents and hence I should never have children which is why I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. When my diseases stopped me from doing my hobbies and performing well at my job.

This downward spiral is brutal, changed the direction of my life completely.
 
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T

Truth1234

Member
Feb 3, 2023
26
Autoimmune disorders, the banality of life. Particularly the thought that all of us have to die anyway. So why bother. All good things coming to an end.
 
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