Venting what made me think they would help?

[dinosavr]

A week ago after my mental breakdown, I used a suicide prevention program I've recently discovered. They offer writing them an email with description of your feelings and thoughts. And they are supposed to provide you with an answer with advice on what you can do about your problems.

I really thought they'd help somehow. But they ignored half of my message. I mentioned having supportive friends and it's what they mainly referred to. "We're glad you're reaching out for support".
Self harm? Having ctb plan ready? Reading forums? Going to sleep everyday with hope of never waking up again? Girlll, just call emergency number if you're in danger. If you're not in immediate danger, see our posts on our website.
They didn't make it personal, not even a little bit. It was the same crap you can read on any pro life website.

They were supposed to be experts. They aren't even regular psychologists, they are suicidologists!!! And they cannot find anything else to say but these cliches? Just "Look! Here are our five ways to distract yourself from your thoughts!". But they didn't even see the part where I exactly said I don't want to distract myself. I literally said I miss being more suicidal and that I love these thoughts. And that I'm fucking miserable and stuck in between life and death because it is so incredibly difficult to make the final decision.

But I guess they are so confident about the idea that all suicidal people in reality want to live but they don't realize that and they need help. Bullshit. I so fucking DO NOT want to live. I'm just trying to, because it's what I've been told is a must since I've been born. And it's quite logical it takes time to find courage and determination to let it all go.

 

[mortuarymary]

suicidologists


Heard it all now.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

But I guess they are so confident about the idea that all suicidal people in reality want to live but they don't realize that and they need help. Bullshit. I so fucking DO NOT want to live. I'm just trying to, because it's what I've been told is a must since I've been born. And it's quite logical it takes time to find courage and determination to let it all go.

Word. There was a thread saying that people should not have control over their own life... This is how it feels...

But on the other side, what should they answer. I would hope for a suicide help line "if you are at this point, here qre some resources to provide you with all information and help to make it as peaceful," secure" and quick " a suicide help network like this but on the phone or in Real Life...

What are u going to do next?
You said you wish you were being more suicidal... Just out of curiousity: how do you recognize these different suicidiality states?

 

[Doemu]

To me sounds like they have to much more suicidal people to attend that what they could handle, and they tried to make a general communication hoping that works for the most.

I think it's a terrible idea. Dealing with suicidal people as numbers, can't work.

Sometimes some of us may want to be saved, but the truth is they only can show you how maybe you can save yourself.

We wait to much from another people? I really don't know.

If they can't help you, others maybe could, or no one. Try your best options.

 

[return.]

The thing I realized about "life will get better" or "life is meaningful and it's worth living" is that that advice only works if I make it happen. Life will only get better if I know how to make it better. And then even further, I don't know how to make it happen. I don't know how to make life meaningful, is that not why I feel the way I do? Life will get better? Then why has it been getting worse?

 

[dinosavr]

Word. There was a thread saying that people should not have control over their own life... This is how it feels...

But on the other side, what should they answer. I would hope for a suicide help line "if you are at this point, here qre some resources to provide you with all information and help to make it as peaceful," secure" and quick " a suicide help network like this but on the phone or in Real Life...

I wish they did. Just like they have places for people with incurable diseases at the end of their lives. They try to prepare them for death. Somehow when it's about the body, not your mind, they are able to accept that there's nothing else you can do to save a life.

What are u going to do next?
You said you wish you were being more suicidal... Just out of curiousity: how do you recognize these different suicidiality states?

I take antidepressants and they made my mood "better". I'm not as sad as I used to, I don't have as many thoughts as I used to, it's less of an obsession. It's easier sometimes to have fun or at least to be able to clean my room. It all helps to accept my existence and gives me space to work on my mental health, which I thought was what I wanted, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'll just continue to exist for a few months I guess and see if anything changes. If not, I don't think it's worth staying here.

To me sounds like they have to much more suicidal people to attend that what they could handle, and they tried to make a general communication hoping that works for the most.

I think it's a terrible idea. Dealing with suicidal people as numbers, can't work.

Sometimes some of us may want to be saved, but the truth is they only can show you how maybe you can save yourself.

We wait to much from another people? I really don't know.

If they can't help you, others maybe could, or no one. Try your best options.

Well I think you're right. Why would they care?
And there's no way they can understand our perspective.

The thing I realized about "life will get better" or "life is meaningful and it's worth living" is that that advice only works if I make it happen. Life will only get better if I know how to make it better. And then even further, I don't know how to make it happen. I don't know how to make life meaningful, is that not why I feel the way I do? Life will get better? Then why has it been getting worse?

Trueeee. The support we receive only makes us hang on for a while longer and it makes us feel more guilty… And things still keep getting worse. It makes no sense