Discussion what keeps you guys going

[iori011x3]

its hard to recover when idek what i could stay for. what keeps yall alive?

 

[jay_tee0]

My mom and my pet, honestly. If I lose those things I'm planning on trying to OD again. Btw I love your pfp!

 

[Yukako]

This might sound nerdy but I have a list of paintings I would like to see in person before I die, I was recently able to see one of them, It gives me a different feeling than when i see them on the internet.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Silly things. Your quote on your profile happens to be the name of the first song a group that I grew up on made. A few years ago, I stayed alive just to hear the first song that they had put out in five years lol.

When I was a pre-teen and during some of my teenage years, I stayed alive just to check on my Animal Crossing villages. Today I stay alive for more silly things; I want to see the next Animal Crossing game, I want to hear more music from my favorite artists, I want to eat more of the foods I like, I want to see the sky turn pink a million more times, I want to see a night sky that's full of stars again. And more seriously, I just have to stick around for the sake others.

It can be hard to recover even when you have a reason to live. But I want to die just because I think that I have nothing to live for, and the lesser part of me wants to stay alive despite knowing I have a million reasons to die.

Are there any things in this life, no matter how small and silly they may seem, that you want to stick around to see?

 

[iori011x3]

Silly things. Your quote on your profile happens to be the name of the first song a group that I grew up on made. A few years ago, I stayed alive just to hear the first song that they had put out in five years lol.

Girl's generation? i love them sm. they were my entire childhood.

Are there any things in this life, no matter how small and silly they may seem, that you want to stick around to see?

i would say my friends but i'm scared that i'll keep hurting them if i continue to exist tbh. otherwise, maybe a game of lethal company lol.

My mom and my pet, honestly. If I lose those things I'm planning on trying to OD again. Btw I love your pfp!

i hope your mom and your pet live a long and happy life then. and ty :)

This might sound nerdy but I have a list of paintings I would like to see in person before I die, I was recently able to see one of them, It gives me a different feeling than when i see them on the internet.

i think thats a wonderful reason to live. i can understand in a way i guess? there's some artists i want to meet that i follow on sns.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Girl's generation? i love them sm. they were my entire childhood.

I always know a SONE when I spot one in the wild!

i would say my friends but i'm scared that i'll keep hurting them if i continue to exist tbh. otherwise, maybe a game of lethal company lol.

I think I saw a thread you posted earlier about falling out with your friends. I'm really sorry that happened. I think staying alive to keep playing Lethal Company is a completely valid reason, and so is staying alive for your friends. But I think what someone suggested to you in that thread is truly good advice; you should want to live for yourself. That is much easier said than done, though, and it's hard to find that reason. I think a lot of life, especially when we're young, is probably about discovering that reason. And in the meantime it really does suck; you feel empty, you lose things like friendships and feel like it's the end of the world, nobody gives you any instructions, rarely do they help— they just expect you to keep going. It's okay if you don't have a reason. It's okay to keep looking for it. And even if you find it, while it may be best to keep living for yourself, if that isn't the reason and you're just alive to play GTAVI or something, it's fine.

Maybe it might sound harsh, I know that you've hurt your friends in the past and that is causing you pain right now that I do not want to diminish, but I don't know if it's possible to keep hurting them with your existence. It's both a distressing and comforting thought that in a number of years, what's happening right now with your friends will matter so much less. They may not forget you, but time will march on, they will put bandaids over that wound and they will patch things up. They will rely on each other, confide in each other, find and lose new friends; in five years from now, in ten, what you did to them will be a memory, or a lesson, and they'll be different, they'll have moved on. Or, maybe you guys will even make up again— things definitely won't be the same, but it can happen. What will you do in the meantime? What will you do if they don't come around?

I think that if you want to stay alive, then maybe a good first step to take in rebuilding your life after losing something as important as a friend group is to start the grieving and learning process. If you want to stay alive for your friends, maybe you can do some private work to be the kind of friend they need, and just to be a better person all around for yourself (of course, this is not to say that you are a bad person or friend now, I don't really know the situation). If you decide to live, you're also going to be patching up your wounds. Time will make this pain duller, you'll change with every season that passes, you'll grow and you'll learn and one day, those friends may be memories and lessons for you as well. They'll be painful reminders when you feel you're about to mess up something again and they'll be the voices in your head that remind you to choose a different path that time. In five years, in ten, I think you'll have a completely different life with a completely different set of friends, too, and maybe even a reason to live. But if that doesn't work out, I want you to know that's fine as well.

Maybe if our reasons are unclear right now. we should just stick around until SNSD decides to make more music?

I hope none of this sounded harsh or dismissive and I wish you the best in whatever you do. I really hope that one day, there's something that you think is worth living for.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

My pets and new movies i wanna see. Lol

But What do you do when the things that makes you keep going dont feel enough? I know when im in need for help when these things dont matter…

 

[Pallf]

Years ago I answered this question with wanting to see a sports team that I love win the championship. I never thought it would actually happen! It did and now I have some other things to live for. Right now it's my family, specifically my grandmother. It would hurt her if I went before she did. I'm also holding out hope for a bright future.

 

[iori011x3]

I always know a SONE when I spot one in the wild!

I think I saw a thread you posted earlier about falling out with your friends. I'm really sorry that happened. I think staying alive to keep playing Lethal Company is a completely valid reason, and so is staying alive for your friends. But I think what someone suggested to you in that thread is truly good advice; you should want to live for yourself. That is much easier said than done, though, and it's hard to find that reason. I think a lot of life, especially when we're young, is probably about discovering that reason. And in the meantime it really does suck; you feel empty, you lose things like friendships and feel like it's the end of the world, nobody gives you any instructions, rarely do they help— they just expect you to keep going. It's okay if you don't have a reason. It's okay to keep looking for it. And even if you find it, while it may be best to keep living for yourself, if that isn't the reason and you're just alive to play GTAVI or something, it's fine.

Maybe it might sound harsh, I know that you've hurt your friends in the past and that is causing you pain right now that I do not want to diminish, but I don't know if it's possible to keep hurting them with your existence. It's both a distressing and comforting thought that in a number of years, what's happening right now with your friends will matter so much less. They may not forget you, but time will march on, they will put bandaids over that wound and they will patch things up. They will rely on each other, confide in each other, find and lose new friends; in five years from now, in ten, what you did to them will be a memory, or a lesson, and they'll be different, they'll have moved on. Or, maybe you guys will even make up again— things definitely won't be the same, but it can happen. What will you do in the meantime? What will you do if they don't come around?

I think that if you want to stay alive, then maybe a good first step to take in rebuilding your life after losing something as important as a friend group is to start the grieving and learning process. If you want to stay alive for your friends, maybe you can do some private work to be the kind of friend they need, and just to be a better person all around for yourself (of course, this is not to say that you are a bad person or friend now, I don't really know the situation). If you decide to live, you're also going to be patching up your wounds. Time will make this pain duller, you'll change with every season that passes, you'll grow and you'll learn and one day, those friends may be memories and lessons for you as well. They'll be painful reminders when you feel you're about to mess up something again and they'll be the voices in your head that remind you to choose a different path that time. In five years, in ten, I think you'll have a completely different life with a completely different set of friends, too, and maybe even a reason to live. But if that doesn't work out, I want you to know that's fine as well.

Maybe if our reasons are unclear right now. we should just stick around until SNSD decides to make more music?

I hope none of this sounded harsh or dismissive and I wish you the best in whatever you do. I really hope that one day, there's something that you think is worth living for.

tysm for all your words. it didn't sound harsh or dismissive at all dw. i feel like i really needed to hear this. you put it so clearly and consise, almost like a set of instructions. thank u sm. hopefully one day ill be able to leave this site and live my life in the way i want to. for now, im gonna just save this and come back to it when im starting to spiral lol. tysm <3

But What do you do when the things that makes you keep going dont feel enough? I know when im in need for help when these things dont matter…

when im feeling super down with no energy i doomscroll on instagram lmaoo. would not recommend it. i'm trying to set reminders on my phone to do certain chores around my little dorm/basic needs. it doesnt rly fill a void that well but the satisfaction that you did in fact do something productive in the day definitely uplifts the feeling of not being enough. because showing is so fucking hard sometimes that every time i do it i feel like im on the red carpet lol.

 

[poached]

This might sound nerdy but I have a list of paintings I would like to see in person before I die...

I saw Rembrant's Nightwatch in a textbook and thought it was ok. Saw it a few years later in person and it was so much prettier than a photo could show. In contrast, that same trip I saw the Mona Lisa and didn't get the fuss.

 

[iori011x3]

In contrast, that same trip I saw the Mona Lisa and didn't get the fuss.

no i agree. i went to the louvre a long time ago and everything else in the museum was cooler than the mona lisa. kinda too overhyped.

 

[Rapière]

This might sound nerdy but I have a list of paintings I would like to see in person before I die, I was recently able to see one of them, It gives me a different feeling than when i see them on the internet.

I love paintings too -- who are your favorite painters?

I really wish I could go see some of my fsvorites in real life aswell. I did visit (or was made to visit) the Louvre as a young teenager but sadly didn't have much of an interest in arts at the time.

 

[trashhologram]

My family, friends, cats and my girlfriend mostly. I know that when I die it will crush many people. I remember my mom being there for me when I got fucked up, tried to cut my wrists and was committed into a psych ward. She was obviosly worried but so nice. She took me to eat before I had to go to the ward and she visited me daily. She's a fucking saint. ❤

My best friend has their own mental health struggles and I'm afraid they might try to harm themselves if I did kill myself. I don't want them to die. I want them to be happy, even without me.

Fuck. Now I'm crying again. I don't want to live but I don't want to hurt so many wonderful people. I don't know what to do.

 

[kittyswift]

i think primarily im just too scared and tired to follow through with my ctb plans. when i have better days, i try to think of one positive thing from my day, like i listened to a really good song or ate some good food. i think im also living for the hope of things improving, even if they havent improved yet

 

[iori011x3]

My family, friends, cats and my girlfriend mostly. I know that when I die it will crush many people. I remember my mom being there for me when I got fucked up, tried to cut my wrists and was committed into a psych ward. She was obviosly worried but so nice. She took me to eat before I had to go to the ward and she visited me daily. She's a fucking saint. ❤

My best friend has their own mental health struggles and I'm afraid they might try to harm themselves if I did kill myself. I don't want them to die. I want them to be happy, even without me.

Fuck. Now I'm crying again. I don't want to live but I don't want to hurt so many wonderful people. I don't know what to do.

hey dude, if it makes you feel any better, i'm kinda in the same situation. i'm trying to live for myself but it's hard when my friends are the ones i'm trying to recover for. you seem like you have so many people around you who love you so so much. kinda jealous ngl. i hope it gets better for you man. you don't deserve to feel so down all time :(

 

[trashhologram]

hey dude, if it makes you feel any better, i'm kinda in the same situation. i'm trying to live for myself but it's hard when my friends are the ones i'm trying to recover for. you seem like you have so many people around you who love you so so much. kinda jealous ngl. i hope it gets better for you man. you don't deserve to feel so down all time :(

Thank you. I really hope things get better for you too. ❤

 

[Yukako]

I love paintings too -- who are your favorite painters?

I really wish I could go see some of my fsvorites in real life aswell. I did visit (or was made to visit) the Louvre as a young teenager but sadly didn't have much of an interest in arts at the time.

I love Vincent van Gogh and Otto Dix, I was able to visit the van Gogh museum last month with some money I had saved and I almost cried during the tour, I guess everyone here can relate a bit to his personal life.

For Otto Dix, i haven't had the chance to see any of his paintings in person, it's all about time I guess :)

 

[Rapière]

I was able to visit the van Gogh museum last month with some money I had saved

Damn, you had to save money for that? Are these tours expensive or are you just really poor? :/

I love Vincent van Gogh and Otto Dix

I prefer Gauguin and Cézanne over Van Gogh, but only as a matter of personal taste; his art is obviously gorgeous.

 

[Yukako]

Damn, you had to save money for that? Are these tours expensive or are you just really poor? :/

The tours and tickets aren't that expensive. I don't live in the Netherlands and i can't afford traveling too often so i used a bit of my savings to cover the hotel and flight still, i don't regret it at all since i was able to visit the Rijksmuseum too.

I prefer Gauguin and Cézanne over Van Gogh, but only as a matter of personal taste; his art is obviously gorgeous.

Gauguin is fantastic too! They influenced each other's styles after all :)

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

Playing PJSK, listening to various vocaloid stuff, speaking with a few people, and I think mostly my cat... and my mother's recent engagement.

I'm scared of going ctb and ruining their relationship (since I have a part in it in a family way) and my cat getting depressed because I'm not there... scared of being responsible for smth like this :/
fear is also a thing lol

 

[iori011x3]

Playing PJSK, listening to various vocaloid stuff, speaking with a few people, and I think mostly my cat... and my mother's recent engagement.

I'm scared of going ctb and ruining their relationship (since I have a part in it in a family way) and my cat getting depressed because I'm not there... scared of being responsible for smth like this :/
fear is also a thing lol

omg you play puroseka? who's your favourite character? mine used to be emu but i've started to really relate to mafuyu haha.

i can understand your fear :( it must be tough trying to stay alive but feeling like you want to ctb. and feeling scared of ruining relationships is also so valid mannnn. hell, i ended up doing that and it hurts. i just wish u the best. ur not alone <3

 

[todienomore]

Bupropion, caffeine. Waiting for my parents to die in the next five years.

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

omg you play puroseka? who's your favourite character? mine used to be emu but i've started to really relate to mafuyu haha.

i can understand your fear :( it must be tough trying to stay alive but feeling like you want to ctb. and feeling scared of ruining relationships is also so valid mannnn. hell, i ended up doing that and it hurts. i just wish u the best. ur not alone <3

I really like kanade for being a shut-in and all the story surrounding her, but Niigo in general is really nice. My account ended up being focused on it, since most of my cards are from them, but I have lot of other ppl too since I've been playing for a while now.

and yeah, it's rlly though. I've been thinking and I'll probably vent around this forum soon. Hope your doing well aswell, wherever you are

 

[iori011x3]

I really like kanade for being a shut-in and all the story surrounding her, but Niigo in general is really nice. My account ended up being focused on it, since most of my cards are from them, but I have lot of other ppl too since I've been playing for a while now.

and yeah, it's rlly though. I've been thinking and I'll probably vent around this forum soon. Hope your doing well aswell, wherever you are

ooo yeah i really loved kanade's story. it reminds me of one of my best friends who stayed no matter how many of my friends left. she's def grown on my favs list !

i really recommend venting here. there's so many kind souls here that can really help push you in the right direction (either ctb or recovery, whichever one you're trying to go for) for recovery though, i'd def recommend ignoring some of the users with extreme nihilistic outlooks on life. it can really fuck you up if you consume too much.

otherwise, i've gotten so much good advice to the point where i've managed to turn my life around for the most part. i hope this can happen to you too (if it's in the direction you're going for)

 

[Rapière]

i don't regret it at all since i was able to visit the Rijksmuseum too.

I'm jealous. Seeing Rembranft's art in person must be an entirely diffetent experience.

Gauguin is fantastic too! They influenced each other's styles after all :)

Yeah, they had an interesting relationship, to say the lesst. I love how much they both believed in the beauty of their work, despite how unpopular it was during their lifetimes.

 

[milquetoast]

for me it'd probably be my mother. ever since my dad went up and left for another family, me and my mom were always in the house together and she's just so sweet to me and my siblings whenever they decide to visit and she does everything within her capabilities to make life somewhat tolerable for me, be it her nice cooking, the comfort she'd bring me whenever i'm stressed the hell out after going home from college. her being understanding with my thoughts and feelings as of late.

apart from old friends who just somehow are able to bear me, she's the one person i genuinely love being with and i'd hate to just leave her alone after everything she has done for me.

 

[Argo]

So, for me the thing that worked better than anything else for survival was meditation. It's not for everybody, but it's a very dramatic solution because it solves the problem of unsatisfaction at its root. That's by the way, the reason we feel we need something to keep going-- because we need some solution to a major problem. That major problem isn't even something we are aware of, but just see if you can notice right now, very suddenly, that you are constantly unhappy. It's something you've sort of known but are mostly unaware of at most points in life. It's so obvious that it's taken for granted.

What's the reason? You want things you don't yet have, don't have enough of, or can't get. You don't want other things you do have, have too much of, or worry will come, or never go away.

When those postures are in place, you will be permanently miserable in between every distraction and every moment of relief when you finally get something you want or lose something you don't want. This relief will be short-lived. This guarantees a life of suffering that can never be fixed by just acquiring your wants and/or shedding your not-wants.

The reason meditation helps to solve this is, it trains a quality to mind that lets you identify this wanting and not wanting. Why is that useful? Because if you can't identify it happening, you cannot do anything about it. But if you can identify it, you open the door to also relax it, as if it were a tensed muscle you weren't noticing, and make it reduce or go away. If you can make it reduce or go away(not by forcing it away, but by relaxing and being indifferent and letting it naturally fall away, or even accepting its refusal to fall away), your suffering vanishes instantly for as long as you can maintain this realization.

I'm not able to follow my own advice very well at this point in my life but if someone else does, the room for improvement is pretty dramatic. So I feel forced to at least offer it to whoever wants to give it a serious effort. That's also part of the problem by the way, it requires a long term commitment and is not something that can "sampled" or dabbled in. So it's not ideal for many people. But if it interests you and you want to get better, you should be skeptical of what I wrote, you should make no hasty conclusions, and just slowly reflect on this problem of wanting/not-wanting, and what happens to suffering when you are in the peaks of those attitudes vs. when you seem relatively free from them.

 

[iori011x3]

So, for me the thing that worked better than anything else for survival was meditation. It's not for everybody, but it's a very dramatic solution because it solves the problem of unsatisfaction at its root. That's by the way, the reason we feel we need something to keep going-- because we need some solution to a major problem. That major problem isn't even something we are aware of, but just see if you can notice right now, very suddenly, that you are constantly unhappy. It's something you've sort of known but are mostly unaware of at most points in life. It's so obvious that it's taken for granted.

What's the reason? You want things you don't yet have, don't have enough of, or can't get. You don't want other things you do have, have too much of, or worry will come, or never go away.

When those postures are in place, you will be permanently miserable in between every distraction and every moment of relief when you finally get something you want or lose something you don't want. This relief will be short-lived. This guarantees a life of suffering that can never be fixed by just acquiring your wants and/or shedding your not-wants.

The reason meditation helps to solve this is, it trains a quality to mind that lets you identify this wanting and not wanting. Why is that useful? Because if you can't identify it happening, you cannot do anything about it. But if you can identify it, you open the door to also relax it, as if it were a tensed muscle you weren't noticing, and make it reduce or go away. If you can make it reduce or go away(not by forcing it away, but by relaxing and being indifferent and letting it naturally fall away, or even accepting its refusal to fall away), your suffering vanishes instantly for as long as you can maintain this realization.

I'm not able to follow my own advice very well at this point in my life but if someone else does, the room for improvement is pretty dramatic. So I feel forced to at least offer it to whoever wants to give it a serious effort. That's also part of the problem by the way, it requires a long term commitment and is not something that can "sampled" or dabbled in. So it's not ideal for many people. But if it interests you and you want to get better, you should be skeptical of what I wrote, you should make no hasty conclusions, and just slowly reflect on this problem of wanting/not-wanting, and what happens to suffering when you are in the peaks of those attitudes vs. when you seem relatively free from them.

i've thought about meditation tbh. i used to watch anna akana videos on youtube when i was happier and more mentally stable and she always raved about the benefits. the way you explain it makes me want to try it out for real even if i'm not the best at it or even if it doesn't bring anything to the table. it's interesting. it can't get worse from here right? haha

 

[Forever Sleep]

Obligation more than anything else but after that- distraction.

 

[milquetoast]

trees, birds, spiders, clouds. cold air in the morning. emotions hidden behind the veil. the moon. my cat. he is very silly. strange dreams.

aha, i totally get the cats bit. what's your cat like?