Story what keeps you from doing it?

[rdelia_]

At first, I was always searching for my purpose in life, I felt everything was empty and meaningless, but now everything is different. I feel something new and a new feeling that I have never felt before.

I am very interested in Finland and i think, maybe I can enter a public university there. Although it is difficult, but it keeps me alive. Honestly, this is the first time I feel so excited, or even imagine myself in the future, somehow with this new dream, I can think about starting a new life there, continuing my life and achieving success there. it feels refreshing to finally have the motivation to get up and go to school.

Don't give up and find your purpose in life too, I'm sure you can. I just want to go to Finland before I die, at most after being in Finland I will commit suicide there, who knows? Hehehe. Suomi!

 

[swankysoup]

What made you interested in Finland? Are you planning to go there soon?

 

[rdelia_]

Actually, since I was little, I've really liked Finland. I love history. When I learned about the Continuation war, I became interested. I really want to live in Finland. I also love the culture. Not only that, I love the forests and rivers. Wish me the best and wish me luck that I can go there in the next 4 years!

 

[Dissolving Figment]

Another finnaboo! I wanted to learn the language at some point but it was just so complicated. I hope you can visit soon!

 

[rdelia_]

Another finnaboo! I wanted to learn the language at some point but it was just so complicated. I hope you can visit soon!

yeaahh. the languange is too complicated. i dont get anything from learning it. but im sure you can, and thank you, i hope so too!

 

[ShiroNoKitsune]

Mostly purpose/loyalty. I know the folks who surround me would be far more hurt by my death. I'm mostly afraid someone would follow in my footsteps.

Aside from that, I'm just hoping for a better future. I've gotten this far for something, I just don't know, why yet.

 

[Red.one]

I don't have a purpose. What's keeping me alive rn is my pet cat Frania and the "trip of the lifetime" to Georgia. I'm going go along the Russian border on a horse for a week. I put all of my money in it. I really don't care what happens next.

 

[Pluto]

 

[NZkiwi]

i try to be a man of my word
i made a promise to my friends and there for myself i would reach out before i have another attempt

to be reachable, directable and to call for help even when my walls are up and i want to kill myself

trying to work on breaking the link between the thoughts and my behavioir

its fucking hard

***


good question thanks for asking
nice reading what others wrote too (or seeimg cat meme lol @Pluto )

 

[rdelia_]

Mostly purpose/loyalty. I know the folks who surround me would be far more hurt by my death. I'm mostly afraid someone would follow in my footsteps.

Aside from that, I'm just hoping for a better future. I've gotten this far for something, I just don't know, why yet.

man, im sure they'll understand if you ever want to free yourself from your suffering. i dont know what to say but its good to hear you're still hoping this far.

i try to be a man of my word
i made a promise to my friends and there for myself i would reach out before i have another attempt

to be reachable, directable and to call for help even when my walls are up and i want to kill myself

trying to work on breaking the link between the thoughts and my behavioir

its fucking hard

***


good question thanks for asking
nice reading what others wrote too (or seeimg cat meme lol @Pluto )

its relieving to hear you wanted to become better! i hope you'll do in the future, its nice to hear people's thoughts and experience in here, you're right, its hard to leave your habit, but you've tried, and that's already good.

 

[l345hyd7]

I've had some really dark times in the past couple of years, mainly due to bullying and exclusion at work. I felt trapped and didn't want to go on. At the end of last year, I disclosed to a close family member that I'd been having SI - that same family member ctb a month ago, which left our wider family devastated. Since them passing, my SI has been intense, I've felt hopeless, and as though there's no future for me without them. But I don't think I could do this to my family right now, they're my purpose. Wishing you a fabulous Finland adventure x

 

[webb&flow]

Hope you have a lovely life and such a beautiful and breathinspiring experience in Finland~ I sincerely hope that the new environment there will make you feel all kinds of new things in all kinds of different ways, and give you a loving and awe-inspiring place to live out your dreams and curiosity . ^^

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

My addictions to weed, alcohol, coloring books, and video games are the only reason I'm still here. I'm still going to end my life some day and I will do it anytime I please. When I print off my suicide note, I will do my best to soften the blow by explaining the beliefs that I have, and why I chose to do it. If my family can't understand or refuse to understand, then what else can I do?

All I know is I refuse to stay alive for others' benefit, I only do it for myself while I'm able to get some joy out of life still. For me this isn't recovery, just me postponing the inevitable until I lose my interest in things I like to do. For what it's worth, I hope you have a great time in Finland if you can go there. I'm sure it's a nice country to live in.

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

my loved ones mostly, my pets, my s.o., a thought that there is still some fun to be had. it might be all doomed in the end, but maybe i should ctb in a month or two, not today, me and s.o. still have some activity planned for the week. thoughts like that

also i too love finland! had finnish as a mandatory second foreign language back in school and i wishhh the program there had been more in-depth and i would speak it better now

 

[Inner]

I want to help others as a psych nurse and experience the joys of life. These reasons may not always feel possible for me to achieve, but at the end of the day it keeps me going.

 

[explosiveKai99]

Sometimes I get this thoughts what if I'm actually ill and can't make rational decisions? I was a semi-functioning human once.
And I start to imagine that I'm healing and things get better. Also people usually say things like depression is an illness which can be fatal. I ponder if these things they say are true, that holds me a bit.
Then I come back to my usual philosophical nihilism and I'm trapped in a meat puppet and I experienced everything that I wanted already and I suffer daily and I'm a burden to people around me and alright, suicide plan it is.
A bit of back and forth like that.

 

[HaibaneRenmei]

I'm terrified of dying. Sometimes less than usual, but it's still there.
Even though I've longed for it for half my existence. I can't find the courage to go through with it.
I've come close to ending it a few times, but the fear was always there, lingering.

 

[ShiroNoKitsune]

man, im sure they'll understand if you ever want to free yourself from your suffering. i dont know what to say but its good to hear you're still hoping this far.

One of my first encounters in therapy, back before I was even 10. Was an older woman who said I'd do great things. When I was younger it brought fire to my world and perhaps a misguided drive to do something good.

Now it still helps me along. I don't want my name burned in the stars like I did when I was younger. Really, I'd prefer to be forgotten. I just want whatever I do to have a lasting positive impact.

 

[GWAI]

For me my whole cope is the speal of "I'll die anyways"

I'm a paranoid guy, even if I don't kms , I don't expect myself to live long tbh. So it's like why would I end it right now, when I know I'm just going to die anyways; it's like I'm waiting for death in my mind, and that day seems soon

the reason i don't kms rn is because I'm waiting for death to happen; it doesn't make sense but it's hard to explain

 

[Dyespaav]

Interesting to know that there are finnaboos out there as a finn

 

[achingthroat]

I want to help others as a psych nurse and experience the joys of life. These reasons may not always feel possible for me to achieve, but at the end of the day it keeps me going.

This used to be my case too. Although, I hate the idea of working forever to just have a roof over my head, food, and some meaningless entertainment, I find that role to be fulfilling but realistically I'd still be miserable with this mind.
I dread nursing school too and would end it after failing by 1%. I'm quick to give up if it's uncomfortable and too much.

 

[Stale_Existense]

Mostly its my parents and my cat but both are getting older and im really not sure how long or if i even try to live without them. Besides that its small stupid things like GTA coming out soon and doing stuff on my car.

 

[Inner]

This used to be my case too. Although, I hate the idea of working forever to just have a roof over my head, food, and some meaningless entertainment, I find that role to be fulfilling but realistically I'd still be miserable with this mind.
I dread nursing school too and would end it after failing by 1%. I'm quick to give up if it's uncomfortable and too much.

I definitely relate with your opinion. I don't view nursing as necessarily "work" in the end, but rather what I want to do in life; I want to medically help others. Our Capitalistic society has taken this role of a caretaker and monetized it.

 

[rdelia_]

Hope you have a lovely life and such a beautiful and breathinspiring experience in Finland~ I sincerely hope that the new environment there will make you feel all kinds of new things in all kinds of different ways, and give you a loving and awe-inspiring place to live out your dreams and curiosity . ^^

thank you so much.. oh i wish i could. and hope's the best for you too!

 

[nitrogenous]

Feeling like it's not the right time, or that I should give myself one last chance… even though normally things only get worse and worse and not better…

 

[rdelia_]

Interesting to know that there are finnaboos out there as a finn

im sure it's really interesting to find out someone liking your country, and yes im interested in finland.. have fun there!

I definitely relate with your opinion. I don't view nursing as necessarily "work" in the end, but rather what I want to do in life; I want to medically help others. Our Capitalistic society has taken this role of a caretaker and monetized it.

i couldn't help but think the same, capitalist has taken the role of helping each other into a really sick crazy paybill even though it is humanitys job to always help another, you'd be a great healthcare worker or psych nurse just like you wanted to.

 

[Imeavie]

My Nana, Papa, and my Dad. They don't have anyone else who will really help them, and my death would ruin what is left of their lives. My grandparents raised me for the first 6 years of my life, and have done their best to take care of me since. I am not a grandchild to them, in their eyes I am their only son.

My dad chose to be my dad. Even when he should have left my mother, said fuck it they aren't my kids, and left. He stayed with her, and I am sure it was for us. He could have lived a great life without worry, but suffered in poverty, an abusive relation ship, and never ending work that was hard on him, and eventually crippled him for life. For kids that were not his.

I owe them my life.

 

[GordonWenlock]

My son.

 

[foreverandever]

My nephew. The hope that I'll finally make it to Japan. Or Wales. Or Scotland. Or Ireland. The even slimmer hope that I'll ever find love. My best friends.
Otherwise it's stupid little things. The next episode of a show I love, seeing what my character does in the next DnD session, stuff like that.

Right now, it's damn hard to see the point in most of it. But I'm still here. At least for now.

 

[saddo]

At the moment it's my mum. She's in her 80s and life is getting harder for her. l feel like I can't leave her on her own to face her final times without me plus with the added pain of dealing with me choosing not to be around. After she's gone - there's not so much. I just hope I can hold out coz sometimes it feels unbearable