What is your reason?

[Jezzibell]

Again, I'm curious. I realise there may be other reasons and that more than just 2 may apply. But its your two main reasons.

 

[Kyuumin]

Tired of being an underachieving burden to my family.

 

[shutupanddrive]

trying to please my parents with academic success is tiring. i wouldnt be at college rn if it was truly me who had that decision but its hard when both ur parents went to uni and have degrees so they expect that of u too.
also i only have 1 person that i talk to all day which is my bf he is the main reason im staying for now

 

[Jezzibell]

trying to please my parents with academic success is tiring. i wouldnt be at college rn if it was truly me who had that decision but its hard when both ur parents went to uni and have degrees so they expect that of u too.
also i only have 1 person that i talk to all day which is my bf he is the main reason im staying for now

It's really wonderful that you have something positive in your life xxxx

 

[mypersonalhell]

I can't remember the last time I was happy or content with life. It's all so tiresome.

 

[Jezzibell]

I can't remember the last time I was happy or content with life. It's all so tiresome.

I feel every word that you wrote. I can't even remember the last time I genuinely laughed. You know that deep down belly laugh. It must be decades ago. And content? Never.

 

[ikadasui]

Just a giant ugly failure really. Nothing more to it than that but gotta know when to fold

 

[EmmaD]

'There's no point to my life' is the reason nearest to the mark, but even that's not exactly right. Xx

 

[FuneralCry]

Overall, it's because I see life in itself as being the true problem and it's something that I could never see as being worth enduring no matter what. I see wanting suicide as being a logical response to the tragedy that is life, and I know that I could never be delusional enough to wish to exist here as I have awareness that life is just an unnecessary, and unappealing harm.

Existing certainly isn't for me and I don't wish to age and suffer more in the process, I see it as being irrational wishing to be tortured by old age. This world where there is unlimited potential to suffer repulses me, but even if there wasn't any extreme suffering there would just be emptiness, disatisfcation and awareness of how futile everything is. I see existence as being a burden, I could never wish to be trapped in a decaying flesh prison, and I only wish to not exist where this existence won't even be a distant memory. I see so much beauty in the thought of being able to not exist forever with all future suffering avoided.

 

[spectraltease]

Never gonna feel happy or enough.

 

[prtsn]

I just dont like living. simply put theres too much hustle, and I don't have something to voluntarily keep living

 

[epic]

Disability is too strong a word but I have a physical ailment.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

Again, I'm curious. I realise there may be other reasons and that more than just 2 may apply. But its your two main reasons.

Well, due to my paranoid schizophrenia I always feel followed, the things I hallucinate are voices and people and sometimes geometric shapes for some reason. Combine it with PTSD and flashbacks and whenever I hear a shouting voice my heart feels like having a heart attack and my mind runs at 100 miles an hour. Meds make me sleepy all the time and I need to increase dosage every few years to fight off the mental decay schizophrenia causes, so my life going forward will be dependant on pills, more and more pills, I have to take memory supplements in order to be average at learning things like new skills and stuff. The only thing I am decent at is writing. I find doing all this stuff tiring and can't resist doing them anymore. I just want peace...

 

[Jezzibell]

Well, due to my paranoid schizophrenia I always feel followed, the things I hallucinate are voices and people and sometimes geometric shapes for some reason. Combine it with PTSD and flashbacks and whenever I hear a shouting voice my heart feels like having a heart attack and my mind runs at 100 miles an hour. Meds make me sleepy all the time and I need to increase dosage every few years to fight off the mental decay schizophrenia causes, so my life going forward will be dependant on pills, more and more pills, I have to take memory supplements in order to be average at learning things like new skills and stuff. The only thing I am decent at is writing. I find doing all this stuff tiring and can't resist doing them anymore. I just want peace...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with so much. To have one of these is enough to bring down a person let alone the combination. When I was in psych, there were a number of patients with paranoid schizophrenia and I was so distressed by their terror. I noticed they didn't get a moments peace. Its a lot to cope with. Xxxxx

 

[Darkover]

i have a brain injury for 7 years now and i am dependent on antipsychotics medication to keep me from being bed bound without it i'm in world of pain

 

[Jezzibell]

i have a brain injury for 7 years now and i am dependent on antipsychotics medication to keep me from being bed bound without it i'm in world of pain

That is a truly awful thing to live with. I'm so sorry for the pain you have to endure. I cannot even imagine how much your life changed after the injury. I hope you have people around you to look out for you and that you don't have to deal with this alone.

 

[Darkover]

That is a truly awful thing to live with. I'm so sorry for the pain you have to endure. I cannot even imagine how much your life changed after the injury. I hope you have people around you to look out for you and that you don't have to deal with this alone.

i use to be a programmer made bot software for mmo games got over 100,000 downloads and made over 10k profit, those were the good days now i can't program or play games i am mostly bored all the time and suicidal everyday but my condition is manageable with the right drugs i smoke weed a lot because i've always got a low mood and feel dull but i plan to ctb asap, my family and community psychiatric nurse look after me fairly well i live on my own tho got my own 1 bedroom flat, but my life is ruined and over for sure

 

[Jezzibell]

i use to be a programmer made bot software for mmo games got over 100,000 downloads and made over 10k profit, those were the good days now i can't program or play games i am mostly bored all the time and suicidal everyday but my condition is manageable with the right drugs i smoke weed a lot because i've always got a low mood and feel dull but i plan to ctb asap, my family and community psychiatric nurse look after me fairly well i live on my own tho got my own 1 bedroom flat, but my life is ruined and over for sure

Wow. That is something to brag about. I am a hacker in terms of code. I don't know an entire program but I'm good at reusing and knowing just enough. Hats off to you. Whilst i hope you can return to your craft, I'm not going to insult you with cliches. You are the only one that can determine how capable you are. Its good to hear you do have some supoort

 

[Darkover]

Wow. That is something to brag about. I am a hacker in terms of code. I don't know an entire program but I'm good at reusing and knowing just enough. Hats off to you. Whilst i hope you can return to your craft, I'm not going to insult you with cliches. You are the only one that can determine how capable you are. Its good to hear you do have some supoort

i can program a bit sometimes but not for very long nowhere near at the level i use to be able to do so only like 5 percent capable, this is what i was working on before i got my brain injury

 

[charlotte_]

There are way too many reasons, but overall I think it wraps up in the fact that there's no point trying in life. It requires way too much effort. You gotta have a stable mind, a decent look, decent financial status, a good job, proper educations, ect. As someone with several mental disorders, all of these are just too tiring for me. I've tried before, but it just went in this hopeless loop of failures over failures. I can never achieved anything good in life. If my life is just gonna continue being dull and burdensome like this, then it's better to just give up

 

[Zaya]

There are so much more reasons than just the 2 options but overall I just feel like I wasn't made for this life.. I feel like I don't belong here.. Maybe other people feel the same.. That would at least explain why nobody ever cares about me

 

[nanfranci]

while im alive im in pain. all i do is suffer from my own mind, other people, and life itself. i haven't been truly happy in years. i feel like there's nothing left for me here. i'm finally at a transitioning stage of my life now, and all i feel is fear for how much worse my life could become. i want to end it before i get tied down again, and before things possibly get worse for me.

 

[phantomime]

The poll only lets me choose two, haha. It's way more than that.

Chronic physical illnesses, mental disabilities, poverty... And the worst of it all of course, I'm a girl balding at 21 because of chronic illness, I've tried treatment before and nothing worked and I can't really keep trying because I don't have the money and well... Public health services won't help me. And it's not like it'll ever heal, as a chronic illness, it can only manage to look a little better. I can't bear seeing my reflection. It makes me suicidal every single day. On the days my body doesn't hurt as much or I don't feel absolutely alien to everything in the world, there's always this to make me want to throw myself in front of the next car on the road.

I just wanted to be normal, really. Just want to end the pain.

 

[jigsaw_falling]

i'm just so tired of never getting a break from my brain. i disgust myself, my body particularly feels unbearable and shameful to live in. i'm tired with my constant anxiety, my friendships falling apart, my utter hatred towards myself. i feel trapped and alone and useless.

my head never shuts up, i'm always too self destructive, too scared, too big, too tired and hungry and then too full and guilty. and too overwhelmed but too lonely.

man it sucks, i feel like i have potential to be happy and fulfilled but i just can't do this much longer

 

[Haruka]

There isn't anything worth doing here for me, I'm not needed here and everybody I love has passed away or is dying. I've felt this way since my pre-teen years, and at 19 I'm still the same. I'm always so tired and my life is pointless. I want to go home.

 

[CTB Fella]

At this point, I've overdosed so many times, and come so close, that it has become a part of my life.

It has become who I am, what I do, what I'm about.

It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

This world is of no use to me.

 

[mrwizard11]

My wife left me. I'm sad and lonely and depressed all the time. If I could snap my fingers and off myself I'd have done it a month ago. I have a good job, make good money, but I have no friends. I have nothing outside of work. I miss my wife. Every waking moment is torture. I dread going to sleep because I dream about her and then I dread waking up because then I think about her and have to pretend to be happy.

People that know what's going on or my family see me laugh or see me smiling and they think "oh, he's getting better and he's going to be okay." No. I'm not okay. I'm still in pain despite my temporary appearance of happiness. I'm still in pain because I have no one to share anything with. Loving someone that hurt you and doesn't want you is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like I am just on autopilot and doing what I need to do until it's time and I'm gone.

 

[EmmaD]

This post has got me thinking about my reasons for feeling suicidal. And I realise half of it is to escape my feelings, because bpd makes them all too much to bear. But also I want my choosing to ctb to be a big FUCK YOU to my family.
I have a friend who ctb a few years ago and my mum always talks about it, and blames this girl's mum for being a bad mum to her, hence why she ended up ctb. (Oh the irony…) I just would love my mum to have to live with the shame of me ctb because of what a shit mum she was to me. She had so many chances to help me but failed every time.
So I think a big reason to ctb is for the effect it would have on someone else if it makes sense?
I know this sounds cruel. But anyone who has parents who've fucked them up will understand.

 

[dancer-in-adaydream]

i don't want to live this way.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I lost my soul mate and partner of 31 years to cancer 5 years ago since then I've slowly been getting worse and worse. Severe depression and loneliness coupled with a job that is making me ill due to stress. I miss our our happy life together, we were so close, almost like one person or Siamese twins. I can't face any more of this nightmare. There's no more joy or happiness just a dead feeling inside. Meds are not helping and I've just stopped taking Venlafaxine As it wasn't agreeing with me. I wish I had the courage to ctb