no am emotion per se, but a strong mixture of powerlessness and hopelessness, it is freaking awful to try and break that mental mindset, anxiety too crippling anxiety man, cant do this nomore, it is nigh impossible, to break our mental anguish man, stuck in a rut and cant see a future, i look ahead and see yet more pain and misery, i need out peeps desperately, i just lack the courage, i have my method but i keep dilly dallying, nothing to live for, keep telling myself that, most people detest me irl, and avoid me, i am so lonely, and in my head, which is a very tormented and dark place, overwhelmed and consumed by my thoughts as tho my thoughts have become me, i wish si wasnt a thing, isnt it enough we suffer so much in this existence, and then at the point of exit some of us simply cant do it, and if we ever do go through with it we will never know if we achieved the holy grail or not, so messed up peeps, so in closing hopeless and defeated and utterly worthless, thanks for reading, peace and love to everybody, there isnt enough of genuine empathy and love on this godforsaken planet.