What is the point of fighting if it will take forever to feel normal?

[Water-Lily]

I have BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder. Though I am in therapy, I wonder whats the point? Thanks to childhood trauma it will take an additional 20-30 years for me to feel normal. It hurts to wake up every morning wanting to die. I want to die everyday. Sure there are coping mechanisms and ways to help, but I am just tired. I figure, instead of fighting for something that might never be, why not die now and stop all the pain?

 

[Mentalmick]

why not die now and stop all the pain?

I think that's the question that trouble's everyone here. There's so many answers it's impossible to single one out. Everyone has their own answer I suppose.

 

[signifying nothing]

why not die now and stop all the pain?

I think we naturally feel we want to be sure we've tried as many possible things as we can find the energy for before we're ready to accept that death is the only remaining solution to our pain.

 

[NeverSatisfied]

I think we naturally feel we want to be sure we've tried as many possible things as we can find the energy for before we're ready to accept that death is the only remaining solution to our pain.

This is why I think people who want to and people who do ctb are so strong. No one randomly wakes up and ctbs. It's often years of trying and fighting everyday before realizing it's futile for that person then still ctb-ing.

 

[signifying nothing]

This is why I think people who want to and people who do ctb are so strong. No one randomly wakes up and ctbs. It's often years of trying and fighting everyday before realizing it's futile for that person then still ctb-ing.

I think also that some people are hanging on to life and living a lot more than they realise, so its obviously going to take a lot of determination and energy to overcome those things and successfully ctb.

 

[Water-Lily]

I think also that some people are hanging on to life and living a lot more than they realise, so its obviously going to take a lot of determination and energy to overcome those things and successfully ctb.

Indeed. And with CTB once you do it successfully....thats it. No second chances, re-do's etc. Thing like heaven, hell, reincarnation and such are just talk with no evidence. We could go into total darkness. no one knows. I think because it is os unknown and final is what makes it the most scary

 

[Mentalmick]

Also, I think it's easiest at the beginning because you haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it as, for me at least, the more I think about it the harder it gets.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

I wonder whats the point?

Something tells me just about everyone else on this forum wants to know the answer to that too.

Living is hard. Dying is hard (or so I hear). Living while wanting to die is especially hard. I see your exhaustion and pain and frustration in what you've written, and I know how much effort it must take just to get out of bed every day. I'm not sure where you got the 20-30 years figure from, but I wouldn't put stock in numbers or estimates like that when it comes to something as individual and variable as mental health. At least for now, rather than trying to put a timeline on your recovery or fixating on the end goal of normal, it might be helpful to instead look at the progress you've already made in therapy and on your own.