Venting Life would literally be a BILLION times easier if only I was a "normal person"...

[ConfusedHurting2632]

For the record, I have SEVERAL mental illnesses/disorders, including Type 1 Bipolar, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety (SA), Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective, etc...and that's not even all of them. I lose track of how many I have, honestly. I've gotten A LOT of different diagnoses over the years.

All of these mental illnesses/disorders have literally made my life PURE HELL ever since I was 6 years old in Kindergarten, and first began interacting with other kids my age...

Children and teenagers have some sort of literal GIFT when it comes to identifying when a person is "off," and once they finally identify that a person is off, they bully the shit out of that person. And the times that they're not bullying that person, they ignore/evade the person, and make a huge effort to not include that person in anything.

As a small child I think I was a lot less mentally ill compared to today (age 22, almost 23), but in general they say that a lot of mental illnesses are caused by emotional trauma and neglect and lack of companionship and support system and stuff like that, etc...and that makes sense. They also say that any mental illnesses you have may not show up very much as a small child, but become A LOT more severe in the late teens/early 20s. And that also makes sense.

But either way...life would literally be a BILLION times easier if only I was a "normal person"...literally.

All these mental illnesses/disorders do exactly NOTHING but hinder my life and my experiences. There's no benefit to having them. I have to face like a billion extra obstacles that normal people get to just completely ignore, or not even know they're there in the first place.

And beyond that, I can't relate to anyone and I have nothing in common with anyone. And this is both offline and online. With how diverse the internet is, TECHNICALLY I should have been able to find at least SOME people or at least ONE person I have stuff in common with, if I couldn't find anyone offline I had anything in common with...but NOPE. Even on the internet I have found literally no one.

They say that the best people in history who left a big impact on humanity and who had a massive influence weren't "normal" people, such as Einstein or Martin Luther King Jr to name a few...BUT those people were "abnormal" in a GOOD way, NOT in a way that hinders their daily living and ability to connect with people! Beyond that, those people also had some sort of gift/talent. I sure as hell don't, and most people who share these disorders/illnesses with me also don't, as like me they're too busy fighting their inner demons to ever be able to do something truly amazing externally.

But yes, um...I'm not necessarily too much of a religious person, but if a spiritual world really DOES exist, I'd love to just die and reincarnate as a person who is 100% normal with absolutely zero quirks or deviations, for once...would be a dream come true...

Some people may call that "boring," but I'd literally KILL for a boring life. Better boring than "eternal living hell that never ends, where people treat you like shit because of disorders/illnesses you have, that you NEVER asked to have..."

Don't get me wrong. I know that normal people's lives are not all sunshines and rainbows. I know that normal people have their own battles and struggles too. And I know that normal people also have horrible stuff happen to them and/or to the people that they love, from time to time. And/or their pets as well if they have any. And I know normal people often go to jobs that they hate and everything.

But even considering all that, a normal person's life is still a billion times better than mine. So even if it's not a perfect life, it's WAAAAAAAAAY better than what I have now, and it's NOT EVEN CLOSE, really...

Normal people don't regularly fantasize about how much they wanna kill themselves in gruesome and grotesque ways because of how much sheer hatred they have for themselves...normal people don't self harm several times or attempt to commit suicide several times...ask a normal person if they do any of this stuff or have any of these thoughts/fantasies and they'll laugh in your face and call you a crazy lunatic.

Case closed, nothing else to say, really...I just wish I was normal...

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

You couldn't have but it any better, honestly i can't even fathom the ugh I donno life "normal" people live, I wish I were, but I'm not, yea even normal none suicidal people have rough times and go through shit, but I guess that's the difference, they don't contemplate or try committing, because that's just not somthing that would cross there mind,, fuck you ever think about how bizarre it would be to not think so morbidly about yourself always thinking and coming up with diffrent ways you could ctb,, even while your at work,, it doesn't stop, it never does, I almost lost my job because of my pathetic "mental" bullshit, im trying to appease to the others around me, but you know I'm not certain it'll stick,, trying to appease to a world I hate, I wish shit would be better, but I don't even wish it, I just want it to end,, that's my better,, I'm sorry you have to deal with so much shit, I understand you to some degree, obviously not fully because well I could never truly understand because I'm not you but I get it if, you what I mean, anyway good luck, and hey, you know what, I wouldn't want to be normal even if I had the option,, because then it'd be like giving in to my deepest hates ha! Just in the sense of Ignorance an conforming and blaintent lack of empathy, I donno I just don't agree with anything in this world so when I here people like my old co worker telling me that they've never considered suicide or even thought about it until I brought it up with him, even tho he's been repeatedly subjected to pain seemingly his entire life, I can't understand. Okay okay that's all I'm done.

 

[Pluto]

I agree. I've fought insanely hard for countless years, and there's nothing to show for it because I was at a fundamental deficit of inferior genes the whole time. It's an invisible nightmare, hidden in plain sight from others, who will then pass judgement because I'm unable to keep up with them.

 

[eatantz]

I wish i was normal as well. Before i found this site i literally thought i was an alien, i got diagnosed with autism and the world just seemed so distant. I've never found a place I've fit into its such a jarring feeling to desperately want to be apart of something but you just cant.