Yes, this is me, and a lot of people here.
Happiness is overrated. Being content with your life is way more meaningful, because those that have suffered trauma, are never going to be happy. You have suffered far too much.
I've been told by several therapists, mental health nurses etc, that I'll never be free from it, but it's about trying to find ways to manage better. That for me, would be a content life, therefore happy life.
Life goes up and down, so we can't expect it to be a bed of roses, especially for those that have suffered complex trauma - that's not their perspective, nor will it ever be. And for some, the smallest little thing can cause a severe amount of stress and suicide attempts - that's me, and anyone that has suffered severe complex trauma. However, I'm also learning how to calm myself down, to get through it, not to focus on the shitty thoughts (yes it isn't easy because I have Borderline, CPTSD, depression, anxiety and everything that comes with complex trauma), but I'm now finally learning to manage better, by myself. You can, too.
It's about being kind to yourself also, and not feeding into it, which is very easy to do, and very difficult to do the opposite, because it's all you have known for so long. It's what's been protecting you, but now it doesn't need to protect you, you are out of that situation. We have to learn better ways to cope - why feed the garden full of shit? All it does is make us feel like this.
Look, I'm not about to tell you life is perfect, because life literally doesn't work that way for anyone - it is full of ups and downs, full of pain and sorrow, and it's a learning curve. It's about doing what works for you. It's about exhausting absolutely all avenues, and finding what's right for you - sometimes therapy works, sometimes not - but therapy takes YEARS, yes, years. Medications can help ease the symptoms, and again, sometimes we have to keep persevering.
I've tried all different meds and therapies - but I wouldn't be on this website if I had completely given up - there's been so many times I thought I had, and couldn't go through with it, but something is keeping me here - I want to get better, and live a content life. And you definitely wouldn't be posting if you had given up
It's trying to find ways to manage just that bit better, and things can ease overtime, but don't expect things to be easy overnight. Things go up and down, up and down, down, down - you will fall a lot, which is completely normal during a recovery process.
This site has taught me that there's many pro death out there - I've seen posts that are practically telling people to end their lives, and yeah, I'm not sticking around for that. The disgusting things that people say about others, absolutely sickening. This is not good for anyone.
But, it's like addicts with addicts - all these people are mentally ill, so they will stick together, and won't be able to see any other way. And that is really dangerous. I can't stand another post where a piece of shit is stating disabled people essentially, should end their fucking lives, or "you are not important", or "homeless people should have the right to die" - I have been homeless several times in my life. It is a temporary problem, even if it does last a long time. If you think you're going to get better by being on this website, or if you're going to find anything helpful from anyone at all, you're not, there's far too many people wanting to watch people suffer, and evidently getting off on it. Just because they chose not to do anything to even try and help themselves, which will naturally, distort your perception.
I wish you all the best in the future, whatever you decide. Try to remember you are just as important as the next person, and you are more than the trauma you've suffered
