I'm done with this Joke of a life.

[izzy909]

Being 20 years old isn't an accomplishment for me, i should've died years ago, but I'm still here because the mental health ppl and my family, both are one of sources of trauma.

Just tired of fighting, so fucking tired of going to therapy, therapist after therapist, meds after meds, I've still don't feel any different about myself.
Since i was 10/11 years old
I'm tired of this "healing journey" and for what?

To fit in? To get a job, and work for the machine?

For nothing...
It's meaningless, the earth doesn't have what i need

I'm also psychotic, I'm literally delusional,
I believe i have a girl talking to me in my head all the time, and loves me, when I'm a literally a hermit, and a neet stuck in 2016.
I so used to loneliness, that don't feel it no more.
And became delusional.

It's matter of time before i get sent back to the psych ward, because of this.

I've decided to begain looking to ctb,
But ive attempted 6-7 times, and failed because of being forced to treatment for it, and then getting sent there to be drugged and same ol same ol shit they tell you.

My family caused alot of emotional pain, my whole entire life, but same time I don't want hurt them for ctb ing myself, moral dilemma.

And when people, say it your responsibility
For yourself, but at the same fucking breath don't believe in the choice of suicide, is so so fucking stupid, they might aswell stfu then,
Pro-lifers are a bain of my existence!!!

Depression is caused for many reasons,
Mine are caused by many, internal and external conflicts, mainly because i see the world as pointless place and doesn't matter, and trauma, and psychosis, loneliness, because of autism.

At the same breath, they some people they can't save, but at the same damn time,
They force you into treatment, obviously not because they care about you, it's to feel good about themselves, its either religious or narcissistic or fearful reasons.

Long rant lol, but I'm pissed, I'm tired, I'm done with giving a damn, i want just to sleep and be in peace for eternity.

 

[iloverachel]

Welcome to this forum my friend
I'm also done with my joke of a life
Life is truly awful

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this awful, undesirable existence, I also despise those pro-life people who refuse to accept suicide as a valid option, it's so cruel and horrible how suicide isn't accepted even know there is literally no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they exist. But anyway I hope that you eventually find peace, best wishes.

 

[Dayrain]

Yes, welcome. Thank you for introducing yourself and sharing your experiences. I agree with a lot of it.

 

[izzy909]

Welcome to this forum my friend
I'm also done with my joke of a life
Life is truly awful

Thanks,
I feel comfortable here although i just joined, which is quite cool;)

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this awful, undesirable existence, I also despise those pro-life people who refuse to accept suicide as a valid option, it's so cruel and horrible how suicide isn't accepted even know there is literally no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they exist. But anyway I hope that you eventually find peace, best wishes.

They think it's surface level problems, they don't understand, sometimes
Depression, and despair, goes way deeper, for some people.
the idea of life itself, is also depressing.
Which is one of my reasons.

 

[sserafim]

I'm done with life as well. I don't see the point of achieving anything. Nothing will matter in death, so I don't see a point in trying. I don't want to get a job or work for the machine. I would hate to become just another part in the machine. I don't want to become a slave to the system. I guess I used to be ambitious and want to be successful, but now I view success as meaningless. I view everything as meaningless. There's no meaning of life, and you can't take your achievements with you after you die. Everything you worked for will have been for nothing. Nothing matters in death; everything becomes meaningless

 

[Linda]

I see the world as a pointless place too, and have done since I was about 16, but I've made it to 70. I don't suffer from psychosis or autism, which helps, though I do have other problems of my own. In my case, I have managed to find enough short-term goals to make life worth living. It also helps that when I was 30 I found a wonderful partner.
The point I want to make is that although ctb is obviously an option for you, it may not be your only option. You might be able to find a way to get enough out of life to make it worthy carrying on. Take your time, and think this through. The option to ctb isn't going to go away, so there is no rush.

 

[Guy_Smiley]

I'm done with life as well. I don't see the point of achieving anything. Nothing will matter in death, so I don't see a point in trying. I don't want to get a job or work for the machine. I would hate to become just another part in the machine. I don't want to become a slave to the system. I guess I used to be ambitious and want to be successful, but now I view success as meaningless. I view everything as meaningless. There's no meaning of life, and you can't take your achievements with you after you die. Everything you worked for will have been for nothing. Nothing matters in death; everything becomes meaningless

You matter and mean a lot to me