What is the cause of your mental torment?

[OnlyTheWind]

My past and all the mistakes I made that have led to being in this state. The girl I liked in high school who I never told whose memory torments me daily. The loneliness. Being stuck in a job that causes me so much anxiety that I dream of it. Not being able to enjoy/ practice my hobbies because I'm too stupid and exhausted, and the fact that I can't turn back time. Also, I HATE myself.

 

[Nymph]

My mental health, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I can't make them go away. I feel like I can't function in this world with all these illnesses plus being introverted. I feel like a schizoid or asocial but my doctor didn't diagnose me with that specifically but all the symptoms match up. I also hate humanity and what the earth has become. Capitalism, consumerism, global warming, deforestation etc etc. plus I never wanted to be born in the first place and I just hate it here. I can't believe ppl have children just because they're bored with life or whatever. Adopt children for gods sake. I hate humans. I fucking hate them

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I hate humans. I fucking hate them

Suicidal minds think alike.

 

[lonerclown666]

hatred for humanity being bullied all my life being rejected

 

[Lastsauce]

I relate to this a lot. Guilt really does eat you alive, I think it's the worst emotion there is. Pure torture

I'll add shame. Anxiety somehow amplifies my feelings of shame for being a loser in the game of life.

 

[Ghost2211]

My bully ex and lack of money.

 

[Itsjustme21]

No one understands autism and the struggles that come with it.

 

[Gaybonez]

PTSD from being battered as a child by father throughout childhood.
PTSD from being locked up in a state boy's ranch, in which boys were made to pit fight. Many other horrors there.
PTSD from almost being killed twice in the military
PTSD from hitchhiking cross-country twice as a 16 year old, getting attacked in Texas with a broken bottle
Majority Depressive Disorder from military, and childhood
Chronic pain from spine related birth defect, complicated by 7 auto wrecks, 2 military injuries, and one work injury
Neuropathy below waist causing constant electric shock feeling
Chronic insomnia
Inability to socialize, due to the above
Losing girlfriend and home now, because of the above

Ah, the rich pageant of life.

Aside from mental illness, existence of suffering and specifics, such as rejection, loss, fear, pain, and other things.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Be specific

Hold on a bit. Almost finished.

 

[justsad&done]

guilt & grief

 

[ineverlearn]

Depression, guilt, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, agoraphobia, anhedonia, no self worth - the main ones I guess.

I was able to cope with much of that until early in the year. Partially not recognizing the issues and partially not having to because they mostly didn't disable me. But nonetheless with all that I ended up losing everything that mattered. My own fault, I should've recognized and dealt with my issues.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

Political strife.
National debt
Socio-geo political hell scape.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

There are numerous causes, but I guess all of them ultimately boil down to be related to myself and my own ineptitude in some way. Maybe I'm overly harsh on myself too but that's another reason why I am my primary cause of mental torment.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

All the money and effort put into public schools...just was busy babbling. The true educators and benevolent are hard to find.

 

[_Kaira_]

Many mental disorder labels.

But, it all stems from my childhood. Abusive parents, victim to pedophilia multiple times (IRL and online), sibling sexual abuse, social isolation from peers, and many other things.

 

[YukiFox]

Economic issues. All the rest it's secondary.
I have a lot of regrets for choose an humanities degree in college, instead some more "commercial" carreer path. My parents supported me in my decision to study Literature, but crud, I was never ready to the company world. I had around 26 interviews in a single year and only found a position in a hostel, with a wage below the minimmum. After 1 year in that hostel I found my first formal job, only to be fired at the start of the pandemic. After that I worked remotely for a company until august.
I had no clue for manage my money and my time. I used to be pinned into the model Boss - employee, master - slave, rich - poor, etc. into my life, because my depression and I had some issues to grow up as an independent person. I'm okay without boyfriend. I'm okay without traveling. I'm okay without a friend circle. That really mess up my head is with productivity and financial chores. I fear a lot being a homeless person. I don't trust myself and my inner capabilities, despite I know 3 languages, know a little of computing and programming... Simply my mind it's so messed up. Shame is my current puppeteer.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

Still trying to crack it.

 

[MrBlue]

My lifetime inability to form connections to anyone despite my best efforts, and being unable to express the full range of my emotion/character as a result of having no relationship with the outside world in order to do this appropriately.

I've been forced into my own head for years now and I don't know how long I can stay trapped in here. I've been in so long that no matter how much I reach out to people I'm too inhuman and alien for anyone to want me.

As I've aged it's gotten worse as I miss out on more and more experiences that people use to connect to each other. Whether it's IRL or online like here, I always fuck it up and the people I speak to understandably lose any interest in interacting with me when they realise I'm not a person but a undeveloped thing in skinsuit.

 

[Mentalmick]

I must of been born with a defective brain, because I can't remember not being like this. It just gets worse the older I get. Mind you, mental illness runs in my mother's side of the family so maybe genetics are in play.

 

[Mr2005]

What I didn't do. The realization I could have had everything I wanted. How people failed me. How I failed myself. The world we live in and how it only makes it worse. How I've been left behind and can't get back that time. The complete waste of potential and inability to look forward

 

[daddy Phil :)]

Me and life.

 

[Ghostly]

PTSD, depression, loneliness, bulllied in highschool, dysfunctional family, OCD, BPD, other undiaignosed mental illness

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Being ugly and I'm a girl, which means your life will suck because of that only. My hatred of society, especially the cruel, shallow, narcissistic, rude people that populate it. The rejection I've faced throughout my life, leaving me bullied and ignored by others, alone and unloved. Tired of being poor and struggling financially, always having to care about money. Wishing I would live in a different decade. Wanting to be a webcomic artist, though I suck ass at drawing. I could write a whole essay on why I want to die.

 

[StringPuppet]

Being ugly and I'm a girl, which means your life will suck because of that only. My hatred of society, especially the cruel, shallow, narcissistic, rude people that populate it. The rejection I've faced throughout my life, leaving me bullied and ignored by others, alone and unloved. Tired of being poor and struggling financially, always having to care about money. Wishing I would live in a different decade. Wanting to be a webcomic artist, though I suck ass at drawing. I could write a whole essay on why I want to die.

this all sounds like me except I'm a boy

 

[RubySimon]

Oh boy settle in this is going to be a long one.

So for the tl:dr upfront: we live in a captialist hellscape that has deemed people like me unworthy of life. Plus truama.

Long version:
My undefined learning problems that have been sverely negeclted by those around me to the point that I have next to no means of coping. Let me tell you it is hard to get help or be helped when the only dianogis is "moderate learning problems" when anyone that knows me for two seconds can tell that there is more to my issues then that.

So for all of my entire godamn life. I have been struggling with how to people and function in a world that is hostile to me. Simultaneously too normal. Too smart to "be like this" and yet too stupid and helpless to be allowed to chase my actual dreams or my own gender indenity.

I have anexityand depression because of this, having to struggle for tenyears in jobseekers because i was kicked off my esa because a program the government sent me to had me apply for a job. Because apparently that means im not actually disabled.

???

Until i have a mental breakdown down and finally get it back. All it took was to fall apart because of the unrelenting pressure the jobcenter puts you through,the kind of shit that breaks neurotypical abled folk let alone people like me. Absusive friendships, my mum getting hospitalised, grandmother dying and my grandad getting demntia. All in the span of 2016/7.

But now I am 31, no house,no job of my own. Half my life wasted. Stuck with a transphobic family. Forced to live on £180/200 a fortnight. Not nearly a enough to afford rent or bills of a place of my own. Let along food.

Still waiting to see if I am autistic as suspected or if I have to do the same old song and dance to try and figure out what is wrong with me.
Still waiting for an appointment with the gender clinic so I can prove what I already know.

All while soiciety tells me I deserve to suffer. For being unable to produce,to not be independent already. For being non cis, non het, other,wrong, useless.

 

[Toonloon]

Feeling gross and ugly all the time. I was molested young and raped few times in my adult years. Nobody knew and when I told I was called a liar. I was 9 first time I told. 21 the second time around disowned by a close family member. Told basically I don't matter and I should get over it all ready. I'm basically infertile from the attack as a kid and I really want a baby.

At 22 I told a guy I wanted to get serious with I was sterile. He rejected me saying what good am i, if I couldn't give him or anyone a baby.
I just feel so disgusting and unwanted everyday and moment I'm awake.

 

[Donk]

bullied as a child, extremely critical father, anxiety, depression. feels like I missed out on a lot in life and I wish I can re-live my 20s and 30s again.

 

[Miss_Takes]

If I said 'life' would it sound trite?
I deny depression but I am profoundly sad.
I am both victim and perpetrator ... Ill spare the vicarious trauma of details.
I have prayed for justice forced it upon myself but it is not the right kind or not enough.
Years of being my own judge and jury ... now time to taje on the role of executioner as well.
And yes ... my 18th century gothic fiction writer seems to have escaped ... apolgies all.

 

[winechateu]

If I said 'life' would it sound trite?
I deny depression but I am profoundly sad.
I am both victim and perpetrator ... Ill spare the vicarious trauma of details.
I have prayed for justice forced it upon myself but it is not the right kind or not enough.
Years of being my own judge and jury ... now time to taje on the role of executioner as well.
And yes ... my 18th century gothic fiction writer seems to have escaped ... apolgies all.

18th century gothic fiction sounding fantastic

 

[Miss_Takes]

18th century gothic fiction sounding fantastic

Thanks
Lol .... a Shelley I am not ... sadly.