What If I'm Not Feeling So Shitty When Its Time to CTB?

[jdogg60]

I wake up almost every morning with severe anxiety/dread...at least those are the common words used. It actually feels something like being tormented by demons...(Which 'happened' to me during a bad trip that kicked this crisis off 9 months ago).

I feel that way usually until later in the afternoon. I'm in so much mental torment for those 5 or so hours that CTB is pretty much all I can think about. And it seems somewhat feasible that I could pull it off in that state. I can't say for sure whether SI would still kick in, but if there's a state that would drive me to CTB...its my state during those hours.

But usually by the time late afternoon/evening comes around, I'm 'ok'. At least not in a state of unbearable torment. And its harder to conceive of feeling the desperation that would drive me to follow through with CTB.

Then, rinse and repeat the next morning...

So, the issue is, how do I manage those fluctuations with the consideration to CTB? The method thats most accessible to me is SN. And that takes just a bit of planning/foresight.

I suppose I could time it for a morning, when I'm feeling like hell. Though that's typically not the best time for isolation.

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

Just here to say that I'm in the exact situation. I was planning on SN too but it's hard since it takes planning and my moods fluctuate so much throughout the days. Mornings being the worst just like you. Sorry I can't offer any advice, hoping someone replies that can help us both. I know the logical answer would be that if we're not feeling to CTB every second of the day then that means we aren't ready and shouldn't do it. But for myself I know that I really do want to it's just my SI maybe convinces me against it

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Just here to say that I'm in the exact situation. I was planning on SN too but it's hard since it takes planning and my moods fluctuate so much throughout the days. Mornings being the worst just like you. Sorry I can't offer any advice, hoping someone replies that can help us both. I know the logical answer would be that if we're not feeling to CTB every second of the day then that means we aren't ready and shouldn't do it. But for myself I know that I really do want to it's just my SI maybe convinces me against it

Same.
Morning is perfect for SN, because if you slept for eight hours, you've already fasted for eight hours. If that's not the best time for isolation, book a couple of nights someplace where you can put out the "do not disturb" sign, and isolate.