Help What is the best anti-acide for SN?

[leyl]

Do you know what the best anti-acide for SN method is? Something not too expensive but that works well. I live in Switzerland.
I know sodium bicarbonate is one but i'm not sure of its efficacy.

 

[spody]

Hey there im from switzerland too . If you don't mind answering why do you want to die ?

 

[leyl]

Oh damn that's so cool! Sprichst du dütsch ou français?
I have severe depression, really bad ptsd and adhd that have been making my life miserable for a decade. I am just simply exhausted of trying. I know i am young, i know i have potential and i am actively trying to get better but if nothing comes of it in the next 2 months: i'm taking the bus.

And the lack of understanding and support from my parents, despite knowing i am suicidal, is just so frustrating. They don't realize and refuse to believe that i am the way i am *because* of my mental illness, and not that i am "using it as an excuse to be lazy". It's like talking to a wall.

In addition, i don't feel real. Everyday i feel like a walking rotting corpse. Like an imposter because i shouldn't even be alive right now. Family complains i dont talk to them but when i try they: don't understand/blame/ignore me. I am just pure disappointment and they make sure i feel it.

I never thought i'd live a long life, getting near my 20's feels painfully wrong.
This is just the right thing to do, and it should be a right to respect. I do not want to be forced to live, the same way i shouldn't be forced to die. It's my body and my conscience and i wanna shut it down. That's all.

 

[spody]

Dütsch but damn it is fr tough right. Trying to keep living with depression feels impossible like you cant even get out of bed ?
Parents are always this. They sadly will never understand what we going through. My parents are like that :( its fr sucks that the ones that are always there for you cant understand you.

That feeling is so real. Its like you dont feel alive right? Its hurts to know. 20s are the worst years you dont know what to do and just feel like you cant anymore. Do you miss being young right ? Btw your english sounds amazing. You pretty smart right ?

 

[leyl]

I'm trilingual thanks for the compliment ^_^
I've always been pretty good at functioning with depression as my parents wouldn't even grasp what was happening and i even myself didn't quite know what is was or what to do. My depression first expressed itself at exactly 11yo because of past trauma resurgence (accompanied by ptsd).
I just learned to deal with it even tho that first year felt like everything was so meaningless.
My grades always stayed up, i was doing plenty of activities and everything really looked pretty normal from outside (except my ADHD, that wasn't possible to hide but people just thought i was forgetful and inattentive).
These last 3 years have really been *bad* bad, and this year is really my last.
I do not want to turn 20. I do not want to suffer for some eventual happiness. I don't mind dying, i love dying. Living is scary.

My childhood wasn't the happiest (i was beaten, got assaulted multiple times, got bullied…) but it was bliss. Because as a child, you don't know much so you just take in the abuse and your brain tries its best to hide most of it deep within you. So although bad things happened, it's only really affecting my joy of life now.
So yes, i wish little me was still alive. She died so i must follow.

 

[spody]

So i see so you still can act normal even with depression. This might seem tough to answer so if you can't you don't have to. What is your trauma? Also what happened the last 3 years that made you want to stop living.

True living is scary. I feel you. Its just been hell. Also damn your childhood really feels like you been through hell :(

 

[leyl]

Well CSA, by incest and 2 friends. But the incest is what traumatized me the most. Maybe because i was so young (like 5) and it lasted just so fricking long
The first time i recalled it and was finally able to understand its severity was the day of my 11th birthday. What a gift lol

For these last 3 years, I think a combination of this untreated trauma, untreated depression, my increasingly bad eating disorder and my grades going to hell just about ate every last bit of will to live i still had. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I already attempted 3 times in that time (but much more in total, i really suck at dying).

But, i also just generally never thought i'd live past 15 so i feel like an imposter. And some days i don't feel real and/or things around me don't feel real. It created a *lot* of dissonance.
I often wonder if i'm not already dead and this is all my brain's imagination of what my life could've been…

 

[spody]

Im really sorry to hear that :( your childhood truely seems like hell. But this happpened for so long omg thats so messed up. Why would they do that to you ? :(

Yea i understand. Its hard to study when you are mentally not doing well. Like it feels so pointless right ? Are you currently in kanton schule ?

Alot of attempts damn what all methods did you try ? Also u right it truely feels like that everything u doing. You are just doing automatically and it fr feels like you just the co-pilot to your own life.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

There seems to be some ongoing debate (see here and here) about whether it's optimal to take antacids for SN. Désolée de tout ce qui t'est arrivé dans la vie pour te rendre ici </3

 

[leyl]

Are you currently in kanton schule ?

Alot of attempts damn what all methods did you try ?

I'm still in high school. But i've been missing a lot recently because i am really unwell.

My main method was OD. Just mixing plenty of pills and poison.
I got sick enough twice. Enough that i should've gone to the hospital but mom decided not to. She saw i was in bad shape (i didn't tell her i was trying to CTB), got mad at me, realized i should be treated but then said it wasn't necessary.

Had i been brought to the hospital, they would've seen i was clearly overdosing and i could've finally opened abt my struggles and get treated earlier but it never happened and i never said anything. I was 14.
Oh well, past is past

There seems to be some ongoing debate (see here and here) about whether it's optimal to take antacids for SN. Désolée de tout ce qui t'est arrivé dans la vie pour te rendre ici </3

Are you another swiss? ٩(^‿^)۶
Nous sommes tous ici avec nos propres raisons. Of everything else that could've happened to me, i feel like i'm still quite privileged yk.
I have a home, food, education, activities, friends and a social life.

Thank you lots for the links! That's exactly what i needed, i will read all of it throughly.
After all, that'd be quite ridiculous to fail my attempt again lol

 

[goldenbananagirl]

Oh damn that's so cool! Sprichst du dütsch ou français?
I have severe depression, really bad ptsd and adhd that have been making my life miserable for a decade. I am just simply exhausted of trying. I know i am young, i know i have potential and i am actively trying to get better but if nothing comes of it in the next 2 months: i'm taking the bus.

And the lack of understanding and support from my parents, despite knowing i am suicidal, is just so frustrating. They don't realize and refuse to believe that i am the way i am *because* of my mental illness, and not that i am "using it as an excuse to be lazy". It's like talking to a wall.

In addition, i don't feel real. Everyday i feel like a walking rotting corpse. Like an imposter because i shouldn't even be alive right now. Family complains i dont talk to them but when i try they: don't understand/blame/ignore me. I am just pure disappointment and they make sure i feel it.

I never thought i'd live a long life, getting near my 20's feels painfully wrong.
This is just the right thing to do, and it should be a right to respect. I do not want to be forced to live, the same way i shouldn't be forced to die. It's my body and my conscience and i wanna shut it down. That's all.

I have a feeling that psychedelics could really help you! might be worth researching, especially on reddit

 

[leyl]

I have a feeling that psychedelics could really help you! might be worth researching, especially on reddit

have you tried it?

 

[goldenbananagirl]

have you tried it?

Yes, they were incredibly healing

Im only here now because im chronically sick