What is stopping you CTB?

[keg-ireland]

Curious to see what's stopping you CTB and if it is similar to my reasons.

1) SI is very strong. I wish it wasn't as its keeping me living in this nightmare.

2) Hurting my family. It pains me knowing that I'm going to cause a lot or long term hurt to my family, im in tears now thinking about what I would put them through.

3) My 3 year old dog. He's my best buddy and he will be left wondering and hurting over me.

Interested to see if others are feeling the same as me and tips to overcome this.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I'm looking for resources like SN and it looks like I can't get it shipped to America! The pain I have is not tolerable so I'll be gone soon

 

[sylvaticus]

I waited for a relatively less gruesome method. I cannot find any. So hanging it is.

 

[EyesOfNight]

I'm just waiting for a delivery. Maybe a second one next month and then I will have more than enough to do the job. I have SN but I don't want to use it and don't really feel like searching for support meds.

 

[ilvgore]

1.Failing. I am very much afraid to fail. I could end up a vegetable. The shame would be unbearable..
2. No set Location. I still don't know where to ctb.(I want to do it outdoors).
3. I had stuff to do, but I had no motivation to do anything. But now everything is ready.

Will ctb on Monday.

 

[billie]

Nothing

 

[Darkover]

government restricting all peaceful methods

 

[Alltheywanted]

I just joined the job to earn money for the funeral so that my parents wouldn't have to bear the burden. I'm just waiting for payment.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

1. I only have one chance to attempt suicide which scares me immensely. If I fail even a single attempt, I'm forced to be a prisoner here. If I fail, there's a high chance that I could be a vegetable but, even if I don't get any injuries from the attempt itself, my parents will be overprotective as hell to make sure that I don't attempt again

2. Speaking about parents, I don't really have much freedom to casually go outside whenever I want to without permission. That isn't allowed in asian culture (or at least it isn't in the specfic subset of my parent's culture). This means that I don't really have much of an opportunity to go outside to ctb. If I had any friends, I could perhaps make the excuse that I'm going outside to visit a friend but... I don't have any friends

3. SI is really strong for me despite it being irrational

4. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb is because of how I react extremely to small amounts of stress and pressure due to my autism (i.e. I'm oversensitive). Of course this also makes ctb difficult for me because points 1 and 3 of mine induces a lot of stress and pressure

5. My neurotype is such that I love being in inertia and that I always want to take the path of least resistance. For my entire life, I always done the bare minimum and nothing more. Me trying to ctb would go against that inertia

 

[UKscotty]

Just hope that recovery might be possible. I don't believe in failure anymore, once I am ready there will be no more failures.

Also that 0.1% chance there is something after death holds me back.

I am lucky to live in a country with lots of peaceful methods though.

 

[Darkover]

I am lucky to live in a country with lots of peaceful methods though.

like what hanging isn't peaceful jumping in front of a train isn't peaceful, SN come with a welfare check

 

[4am]

this exact question was asked literally yesterday. but anyway my reason is that i don't have a method yet, rn i'm just waiting for it to arrive

 

[Defenestration]

Holidays of Bodyguard....
I must wait end of may

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

fear of failure and remaining alive but in a worse condition. no isolated spot without humans or my si to interupt my suicide attempt

humans can always interrupt or call the ER hospital to bring you back life but with brain damage . they don't care if you are disabled with brain damage as long as your heart is beating and that monstrous brain stem is still alive ( yuck i hate the brain stem and the brain and all the organs and cells of a "human " body)

And i don't know why this new dumb keyboard started typing bold . it also does weird things when touch other keys. something always goes wrong .now i'll have to return it. i hate life. entropy can never be overcome

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy those who managed to voluntarily end their own existences, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering. It's truly so hellish how I cannot just access some guaranteed, peaceful poison that's accessible or an instant suicide pill, it'd be such a relief to be able to painlessly free myself from the dreadful burden that is human existence.

 

[dykgot]

1) my beloved cat. i cant go until i can find someone who connects with her like i do, or until she's gone (whenever that will be)

2) the naïve hope that if i try one more thing, maybe my life will turn around…

3) in the media age we live in, it would be my personal nightmare for the very real possibility of someone recording my CTB/body and posting it on the internet to happen to me

 

[Ash]

I've posted elsewhere that my dog has behavioural issues and separation anxiety and wouldn't do well in a kennel environment so my only choices are to find her a new home first and just hope that they'll never abandon her like me, or take her to the vet to be PTS before I CTB.

 

[shaucro]

In my case, not survival instinct (SI) but fear. I think SI is something else, an instinct when your body fights for life in the final moments, an automatic thing that you can't control. Fear is what I have, and I don't know why. Or perhaps I do.

I know my method and I know it'll work. I've tried it and know how and why it failed. So I know I could succeed with it. I think that's why I'm afraid. The 'answer' is right there, I could be dead within the hour - if that's what I really wanted. The question is real and the answer is frightening.

 

[UKscotty]

like what hanging isn't peaceful jumping in front of a train isn't peaceful, SN come with a welfare check

SN doesn't come with a welfare check, that's a myth spread by the profiteers.

I don't think SN is a good method anyway personally, its too slow. Also I strongly dislike any method that traumatises innocent people.

I meant more reliable stuff like CO, inert gas setup, partial suspension or maybe something like pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl - probably two methods at once for me so no more half hearted attempts.

 

[Darkover]

SN doesn't come with a welfare check, that's a myth spread by the profiteers.

no, it isn't there's been lots of posts of people receiving welfare checks in the UK

Got welfare checked, scored 20/20 on the suicide risk assessment, and they let me go home

So months ago I ordered SN from some random vendor I found in China. It never showed so I ordered from a vendor in Ukraine which showed up with no issue. It's now hidden somewhere very secure. Fast forward to a few weeks back and my SN from china shows up (huh? Okay cool, I guess I have...

sanctionedsuicide.site

I meant more reliable stuff like CO, inert gas setup, partial suspension or maybe something like pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl - probably two methods at once for me so no more half hearted attempts.

pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl are hard to get in the uk even with the dark web since they have to go through customs
i'll have a look into the CO method with coal i might be able to do this one hopefully

 

[UKscotty]

no, it isn't there's been lots of posts of people receiving welfare checks in the UK

Got welfare checked, scored 20/20 on the suicide risk assessment, and they let me go home

So months ago I ordered SN from some random vendor I found in China. It never showed so I ordered from a vendor in Ukraine which showed up with no issue. It's now hidden somewhere very secure. Fast forward to a few weeks back and my SN from china shows up (huh? Okay cool, I guess I have...

sanctionedsuicide.site

pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl are hard to get in the uk even with the dark web since they have to go through customs
i'll have a look into the CO method with coal i might be able to do this one hopefully

There was one batch after KL was arrested, nothing since. Anyone else had told their therapist or doctor. No one is checking parcels and SN is not illegal.

Anything else is just misinformation allowing people to over charge people.

 

[divinemistress36]

fear of failure and remaining alive but in a worse condition. no isolated spot without humans or my si to interupt my suicide attempt

humans can always interrupt or call the ER hospital to bring you back life but with brain damage . they don't care if you are disabled with brain damage as long as your heart is beating and that monstrous brain stem is still alive ( yuck i hate the brain stem and the brain and all the organs and cells of a "human " body)

And i don't know why this new dumb keyboard started typing bold . it also does weird things when touch other keys. something always goes wrong .now i'll have to return it. i hate life. entropy can never be overcome

I had a stroke in my brainstem I hate that bastard brainstem to

 

[JamieD]

I used to come up with reasons not to go and holding out hope that life will get better. However my recent MRI scan shows my MS is active and will get worse. I don't have family to leave behind.......so before the end of this month....i will CTB

 

[seekingrelease22]

I envy those who managed to voluntarily end their own existences, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering. It's truly so hellish how I cannot just access some guaranteed, peaceful poison that's accessible or an instant suicide pill, it'd be such a relief to be able to painlessly free myself from the dreadful burden that is human existence.

Sodium nitrite?

 

[not_applicable]

Not living alone and money

 

[sash]

Holding out for a partner, didnt want my last moment to be alone.
But...

 

[steygrone]

I still have things to do that I paid for and promised to others. They all happen later this month, after that I'm all good. Just still here suffering til then

 

[suicidal flapper]

because I literally cannot find any SN resources and I don't want to die in a plastic exit bag

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Mostly SI and mental gymnastics plus overthinking the dying process

 

[Ww42]

Timing. I've got to be very precise in when I do it so I dont get stopped or found out that im CTB. My fiance and I work the same schedule so its very difficult to find the right time to get my supplies, and even harder to have enough of a window to actually die and not be found before I CTB