• Hey Guest,

    If you would still like to donate, you still can. We have more than enough funds to cover operating expenses for quite a while, so don't worry about donating if you aren't able. If you want to donate something other than what is listed, you can contact RainAndSadness.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

keg-ireland

keg-ireland

Member
May 3, 2024
52
Curious to see what's stopping you CTB and if it is similar to my reasons.

1) SI is very strong. I wish it wasn't as its keeping me living in this nightmare.

2) Hurting my family. It pains me knowing that I'm going to cause a lot or long term hurt to my family, im in tears now thinking about what I would put them through.

3) My 3 year old dog. He's my best buddy and he will be left wondering and hurting over me.

Interested to see if others are feeling the same as me and tips to overcome this.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: leavingthesoultrap, suicidal flapper, dykgot and 5 others
karmaisabitch

karmaisabitch

Mage
Mar 25, 2024
570
I'm looking for resources like SN and it looks like I can't get it shipped to America! The pain I have is not tolerable so I'll be gone soon
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: errorsinmypast, dggtscccvfd and keg-ireland
sylvaticus

sylvaticus

Member
Mar 10, 2024
9
I waited for a relatively less gruesome method. I cannot find any. So hanging it is.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ijustwishtodie and karmaisabitch
EyesOfNight

EyesOfNight

the night will be eternal
Feb 2, 2024
371
I'm just waiting for a delivery. Maybe a second one next month and then I will have more than enough to do the job. I have SN but I don't want to use it and don't really feel like searching for support meds.
 
  • Like
Reactions: karmaisabitch
ilvgore

ilvgore

Member
Jan 7, 2024
18
1.Failing. I am very much afraid to fail. I could end up a vegetable. The shame would be unbearable..
2. No set Location. I still don't know where to ctb.(I want to do it outdoors).
3. I had stuff to do, but I had no motivation to do anything. But now everything is ready.

Will ctb on Monday.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: PromisedLand, divinemistress36 and karmaisabitch
bookie

bookie

main character of sasu
Mar 31, 2024
359
Nothing
 
  • Aww..
  • Wow
Reactions: sylvaticus and EyesOfNight
Darkover

Darkover

Angelic
Jul 29, 2021
4,083
government restricting all peaceful methods
 
  • Like
Reactions: steygrone, divinemistress36, Arvinneedstodie and 1 other person
Alltheywanted

Alltheywanted

I'll just lay here and die
Mar 6, 2023
331
I just joined the job to earn money for the funeral so that my parents wouldn't have to bear the burden. I'm just waiting for payment.
 
  • Like
Reactions: completelydone and karmaisabitch
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,611
1. I only have one chance to attempt suicide which scares me immensely. If I fail even a single attempt, I'm forced to be a prisoner here. If I fail, there's a high chance that I could be a vegetable but, even if I don't get any injuries from the attempt itself, my parents will be overprotective as hell to make sure that I don't attempt again

2. Speaking about parents, I don't really have much freedom to casually go outside whenever I want to without permission. That isn't allowed in asian culture (or at least it isn't in the specfic subset of my parent's culture). This means that I don't really have much of an opportunity to go outside to ctb. If I had any friends, I could perhaps make the excuse that I'm going outside to visit a friend but... I don't have any friends

3. SI is really strong for me despite it being irrational

4. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb is because of how I react extremely to small amounts of stress and pressure due to my autism (i.e. I'm oversensitive). Of course this also makes ctb difficult for me because points 1 and 3 of mine induces a lot of stress and pressure

5. My neurotype is such that I love being in inertia and that I always want to take the path of least resistance. For my entire life, I always done the bare minimum and nothing more. Me trying to ctb would go against that inertia
 
  • Like
Reactions: pthnrdnojvsc, karmaisabitch and 4am
U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,451
Just hope that recovery might be possible. I don't believe in failure anymore, once I am ready there will be no more failures.

Also that 0.1% chance there is something after death holds me back.

I am lucky to live in a country with lots of peaceful methods though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Denis and karmaisabitch
Darkover

Darkover

Angelic
Jul 29, 2021
4,083
I am lucky to live in a country with lots of peaceful methods though.
like what hanging isn't peaceful jumping in front of a train isn't peaceful, SN come with a welfare check
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4am
4am

4am

there’s nothing for you (it/its)
Dec 14, 2023
3,332
this exact question was asked literally yesterday. but anyway my reason is that i don't have a method yet, rn i'm just waiting for it to arrive
 
  • Like
Reactions: karmaisabitch
Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
853
Holidays of Bodyguard....
I must wait end of may😱😱😱😱😱
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: karmaisabitch and vak
pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
2,148
fear of failure and remaining alive but in a worse condition. no isolated spot without humans or my si to interupt my suicide attempt

humans can always interrupt or call the ER hospital to bring you back life but with brain damage . they don't care if you are disabled with brain damage as long as your heart is beating and that monstrous brain stem is still alive ( yuck i hate the brain stem and the brain and all the organs and cells of a "human " body)

And i don't know why this new dumb keyboard started typing bold . it also does weird things when touch other keys. something always goes wrong .now i'll have to return it. i hate life. entropy can never be overcome
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Denis, dykgot, completelydone and 2 others
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
35,254
I envy those who managed to voluntarily end their own existences, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering. It's truly so hellish how I cannot just access some guaranteed, peaceful poison that's accessible or an instant suicide pill, it'd be such a relief to be able to painlessly free myself from the dreadful burden that is human existence.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4am
dykgot

dykgot

despondent
May 5, 2024
10
1) my beloved cat. i cant go until i can find someone who connects with her like i do, or until she's gone (whenever that will be)

2) the naïve hope that if i try one more thing, maybe my life will turn around…

3) in the media age we live in, it would be my personal nightmare for the very real possibility of someone recording my CTB/body and posting it on the internet to happen to me
 
  • Like
Reactions: completelydone and karmaisabitch
Ash

Ash

Enlightened
Oct 4, 2021
1,494
I've posted elsewhere that my dog has behavioural issues and separation anxiety and wouldn't do well in a kennel environment so my only choices are to find her a new home first and just hope that they'll never abandon her like me, or take her to the vet to be PTS before I CTB.
 
S

shaucro

Member
Mar 10, 2024
22
In my case, not survival instinct (SI) but fear. I think SI is something else, an instinct when your body fights for life in the final moments, an automatic thing that you can't control. Fear is what I have, and I don't know why. Or perhaps I do.

I know my method and I know it'll work. I've tried it and know how and why it failed. So I know I could succeed with it. I think that's why I'm afraid. The 'answer' is right there, I could be dead within the hour - if that's what I really wanted. The question is real and the answer is frightening.
 
U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,451
like what hanging isn't peaceful jumping in front of a train isn't peaceful, SN come with a welfare check
SN doesn't come with a welfare check, that's a myth spread by the profiteers.

I don't think SN is a good method anyway personally, its too slow. Also I strongly dislike any method that traumatises innocent people.

I meant more reliable stuff like CO, inert gas setup, partial suspension or maybe something like pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl - probably two methods at once for me so no more half hearted attempts.
 
Darkover

Darkover

Angelic
Jul 29, 2021
4,083
SN doesn't come with a welfare check, that's a myth spread by the profiteers.
no, it isn't there's been lots of posts of people receiving welfare checks in the UK
I meant more reliable stuff like CO, inert gas setup, partial suspension or maybe something like pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl - probably two methods at once for me so no more half hearted attempts.
pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl are hard to get in the uk even with the dark web since they have to go through customs
i'll have a look into the CO method with coal i might be able to do this one hopefully
 
U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,451
no, it isn't there's been lots of posts of people receiving welfare checks in the UK

pentobarbital, morphine or fentanyl are hard to get in the uk even with the dark web since they have to go through customs
i'll have a look into the CO method with coal i might be able to do this one hopefully
There was one batch after KL was arrested, nothing since. Anyone else had told their therapist or doctor. No one is checking parcels and SN is not illegal.

Anything else is just misinformation allowing people to over charge people.
 
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Visionary
Jan 1, 2024
2,371
fear of failure and remaining alive but in a worse condition. no isolated spot without humans or my si to interupt my suicide attempt

humans can always interrupt or call the ER hospital to bring you back life but with brain damage . they don't care if you are disabled with brain damage as long as your heart is beating and that monstrous brain stem is still alive ( yuck i hate the brain stem and the brain and all the organs and cells of a "human " body)

And i don't know why this new dumb keyboard started typing bold . it also does weird things when touch other keys. something always goes wrong .now i'll have to return it. i hate life. entropy can never be overcome
I had a stroke in my brainstem I hate that bastard brainstem to
 
  • Like
Reactions: pthnrdnojvsc
J

JamieD

Member
Feb 28, 2021
50
I used to come up with reasons not to go and holding out hope that life will get better. However my recent MRI scan shows my MS is active and will get worse. I don't have family to leave behind.......so before the end of this month....i will CTB
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: completelydone, pthnrdnojvsc and dggtscccvfd
S

seekingrelease22

Student
Feb 28, 2024
122
I envy those who managed to voluntarily end their own existences, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering. It's truly so hellish how I cannot just access some guaranteed, peaceful poison that's accessible or an instant suicide pill, it'd be such a relief to be able to painlessly free myself from the dreadful burden that is human existence.
Sodium nitrite?
 
not_applicable

not_applicable

a dog who wants to sleep
May 2, 2024
11
Not living alone and money
 
sash

sash

f/uk seeking partner to vanish with
Oct 1, 2023
200
Holding out for a partner, didnt want my last moment to be alone.
But...
 
steygrone

steygrone

I'm trash so I'm taking myself out
May 3, 2024
17
I still have things to do that I paid for and promised to others. They all happen later this month, after that I'm all good. Just still here suffering til then
 
suicidal flapper

suicidal flapper

Student
Jul 15, 2023
104
because I literally cannot find any SN resources and I don't want to die in a plastic exit bag
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: leavingthesoultrap
leavingthesoultrap

leavingthesoultrap

(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
Nov 25, 2023
1,212
Mostly SI and mental gymnastics plus overthinking the dying process
 
  • Like
Reactions: divinemistress36
Ww42

Ww42

Student
Feb 24, 2024
175
Timing. I've got to be very precise in when I do it so I dont get stopped or found out that im CTB. My fiance and I work the same schedule so its very difficult to find the right time to get my supplies, and even harder to have enough of a window to actually die and not be found before I CTB
 

Similar threads

masochisticsorrow
Replies
1
Views
168
Suicide Discussion
dimgobaith
D
L
Replies
3
Views
266
Offtopic
lharrywheel
L
murmur
Replies
2
Views
186
Suicide Discussion
DoubleUp8
DoubleUp8
A
Replies
15
Views
948
Suicide Discussion
agony1996
A
star_shine
Replies
0
Views
136
Suicide Discussion
star_shine
star_shine