What Ignited Your Suicidality?

[Salvation_]

I've been suicidal since 9 and never got help. I've just gotten better at hiding it. I think about dying everyday, though. Maybe it's just destiny.

 

[BlackWednesday]

It's complicated but the simple version is that I became depressed, which caused me to make mistakes which ruined my life, which caused me to become more depressed and suicidal. I got caught in a death spiral from which there is no longer any escape

 

[tiredofbeingme]

I made some horrible mistakes in my teens and the guilt has more or less ruined my life and makes it very hard to feel compassion for myself

 

[Wannagonow]

The misfortune of having unmanageable mental illness.

 

[Sparx]

The death of my mum which was bad enough but it also caused some other issues which have sent me into a spiral. I don't enjoy life now and things could get even worse over the coming months.

Six months ago I was fairly content with life. If you had told me then I would soon be contemplating suicide I wouldn't have believed it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I am AMAB and wish I was an attractive female (I have dysphoria) and wish i was female from the get go. Seeing attractive women on TV, social media, irl etc makes me extremely envious, and depressed. I just hate being alive not being born female. Idk which camp that would fall under.

 

[LastFlowers]

I am AMAB and wish I was an attractive female (I have dysphoria) and wish i was female from the get go. Seeing attractive women on TV, social media, irl etc makes me extremely envious, and depressed. I just hate being alive not being born female. Idk which camp that would fall under.

The world is a malignantly surreal and alienating place for the physically unattractive and those who fail to appeal to the gender-specific aesthetics of their sex (both born and desired).
I'm sorry for your suffering, and I come from a place of unfortunate understanding.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

The world is a malignantly surreal and alienating place for the physically unattractive and those who fail to appeal to the gender-specific aesthetics of their sex (both born and desired).
I'm sorry for your suffering, and I come from a place of unfortunate understanding.

It's depressing being exposed to women expressing and being prideful of their sexuality and feminity when I am just a 400 lbs garbage bag of testosterone.

 

[goldengatebridgegal]

Ive struggled with suicide since I was in 4th grade, initally they were the result of my parents constant violent arguments with each other and their constant reminder that I (the child) was the reason that they were together and were "forced t be married". Made me feel like it was better if I was just non existant.

What made my suicidal thoughts worse though? This. Fucking. Hellscape. Of. A. Society.

I hate the hustle and grind culture that I cant keep up with. I can barely work a part time job without breaking down, let alone a full time job which means that I am constantly behind on bills and have no money to spend on experiences that I do want to have. I hate that I have to have money to do what I want to do in life.

I hate fake niceities and the fact that I constantly have to mask while Im out in the world. Social interactions exhaust me, and I have no emotional/physical/mental energy to keep up with any humans.

I hate how superficial most people are, and how our society cares more about internet memes, political drama, etc. etc. etc. than things that really fucking matter.

Ive tried so hard to be happy with the life I have and be thankful for the fact that I get to experience what it means to be human, but every single day I am exhauted and I dont have the energy to keep fighting.

 

[Lone_Traveler90]

Generally experiences in my life. I had poor and bad childhood but was quite a happy kid. Then in my early 20s I entered long relationship. My happiness started to fade, I was becoming depressed but never spoke about it with anybody. On top of that I made bad financial decisions putting me in a lot of debt. Now I am 32, I spent last 2 years alone with no friends or relationships, I had periods of motivation where I picked up extra job, would go to gym and work on my self and some goals. But then the depression would absolutely shatter me into a shadow of a man.
During my recent motivation wave I met this amazing girl, but I messed it up. Ghosted.
So here I am, worthless man without a purpose and I am tired of feeling. I didn't go to work for past few days, I don't even eat anymore. I am so tired of being here.

 

[myownpetvirus]

It's depressing being exposed to women expressing and being prideful of their sexuality and feminity when I am just a 400 lbs garbage bag of testosterone.

Why can't you transition? Are you attracted to men?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Why can't you transition? Are you attracted to men?

I dont want to transition. I'd rather die. And no, i do not like men or their bodies.

 

[Reallysad]

Generally experiences in my life. I had poor and bad childhood but was quite a happy kid. Then in my early 20s I entered long relationship. My happiness started to fade, I was becoming depressed but never spoke about it with anybody. On top of that I made bad financial decisions putting me in a lot of debt. Now I am 32, I spent last 2 years alone with no friends or relationships, I had periods of motivation where I picked up extra job, would go to gym and work on my self and some goals. But then the depression would absolutely shatter me into a shadow of a man.
During my recent motivation wave I met this amazing girl, but I messed it up. Ghosted.
So here I am, worthless man without a purpose and I am tired of feeling. I didn't go to work for past few days, I don't even eat anymore. I am so tired of being here.

On the female front I am with you brother had loads of relationships but it's a different time now they all ghost you even when u treat them like queens and are so weird now cnt get a laugh or anything.it's sad times it really is.

 

[sadlilanteater]

I was born with a host of mental disorders and physical illnesses that prevent me from getting into any of the careers I want to join. To add onto that I really don't enjoy the company of other people so I'm really just the same dead as I am alive.

 

[Uk2023]

The death of my mum which was bad enough but it also caused some other issues which have sent me into a spiral. I don't enjoy life now and things could get even worse over the coming months.

Six months ago I was fairly content with life. If you had told me then I would soon be contemplating suicide I wouldn't have believed it.

Sorry you lost your mum.

I lost mine too and the next 4 months feel like a battle.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

Being sexually assaulted by my sperm donor at the age of 5 then again by the step parent

 

[bluboox]

I've had suicidal thoughts and ideation on/off since early HS but these past couple of years I've gotten worse. My behavior/mistakes have hurt people and driven them away. The guilt can be overwhelming at times

 

[Krieger]

Just born like this I suppose although my life has been shit. I remember when I was 9 I held a kitchen knife to my chest because I wanted to plunge it in and kill myself. I've always thought about death and dying.

I got way more suicidal during high school because I hated it and the people there (I wasn't bullied, really just didn't get along w/ most people) and then during the COVID lockdown because I had 0 human contact during that period and started hallucinating. I haven't recovered from that isolation, shit actually changed how I think.

 

[byebyered]

I started having suicidal thoughts when I was 12. I was being verbally abused by stepmom & bullied at school. I've always been alone , excluded, "that weird awkward quiet girl". I quit sports & extracurriculars because of depression & my anxiety started getting worse. I couldn't make friends like the other kids. It hurts seeing everyone joke around & have fun while you just sit in the corner trying not to look anti social asf (even now still at 20). Both of my parents were/are emotionally neglectful. I've went to both of them about my mental struggles but they don't care. Mom might be a narcissist idk. I have undiagnosed mental issues for sure. Mom always suspected I might be on the spectrum (which would explain alotttt) but she didn't care enough to get me help! She thought I would just "get over it" lmao! Bullied in Highschool. No "real" friends , I was a people pleaser , doormat , pushover….guess what kind of people I attracted into my life? Isolation, loneliness, self hatred, low self esteem, negative self talk, bullied at every job I've worked at…idk where I'm going with this but yeah atm nothing in my life makes me happy except for weed & music. I have no support system. Idk wtf I'm doing, just waiting until SI goes away.

 

[throwawayyy]

Undiagnosed anxiety, depression, ADHD leading to self medicate. Then abusing various drugs. It didn't end well. Overdose, rehab, relapse, all of it