• Hey Guest,

    If you would still like to donate, you still can. We have more than enough funds to cover operating expenses for quite a while, so don't worry about donating if you aren't able. If you want to donate something other than what is listed, you can contact RainAndSadness.

    Bitcoin Address (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt

    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9

    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8

FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
If my student loan application fails I am going to kill myself because I will lose my place and getting into that university was the ONLY good thing I have in my life. If this fails I lose everything.

My grandmother has 3 boxes of codeine at home and I plan to swallow all the pills.

I am 27 with no husband everyone else is married , struggling to get a job, constantly lonely and everyone else around me settled in life. At 27 my entire life is over that is how I have been feeling since my birthday. I am nowhere near where I am supposed to be life. I am so sick and tired of things constantly going wrong since last year, I can't fight anymore. I will never get over the man I love, I will never get over my anoxeria and I am sick of my life.

I have explained how this situation has broken me.
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ide-and-self-destruction.170923/#post-2584958

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...going-to-lose-everything.171078/#post-2590086

This is the final straw for me. What does a codeine overdose feel like?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: SMmetalhead36 and fleetingnight
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
1,946
Isn't codeine a weak opioid? @Rhizomorph1 recommended using strong opioids, like heroin and fentanyl.

Here's the thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/opioid-megathread-overview.138948/#post-2216485
In short, heroin or fentanyl are ideal.

Stronger opioids such as heroin, fentanyl, or oxycodone are generally preferable as other types of opioids require much larger doses and thus have higher risk of failure. For example, heroin is about 10x as strong as morphine.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk, Living_Hurts_so_Much and FireFox
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
Isn't codeine a weak opioid? @Rhizomorph1 recommended using strong opioids, like heroin and fentanyl.

Here's the thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/opioid-megathread-overview.138948/#post-2216485
@EvisceratedJester I once took 2 pills codeine for a wisdom tooth pain and it was a scary experience. My heart rate lowered drastically, had breathing difficulties and I felt dizzy and so weak. I genuinely thought I was going to die. Luckily the effects wore off by evening time.

I always wondered what would happen if I swallowed the whole box. My body has a low tolerate to codeine.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EvisceratedJester
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
1,946
@EvisceratedJester I once took 2 pills codeine for a wisdom tooth pain and it was a scary experience. My heart rate lowered drastically, had breathing difficulties and I felt dizzy and so weak. I genuinely thought I was going to die. Luckily the effects wore off by evening time.

I always wondered what would happen if I swallowed the whole box. My body has a low tolerate to codeine.
Idk, but @Rhizomorph1 recommends against using codeine because it is too mild and not very reliable.
I highly recommend against using weak opioids like codeine, tramadol, or hydromorphone (dilaudid) as they are far too weak to reliably ctb.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Artemisia
Relic

Relic

Astral Corpse
Mar 6, 2021
533
The main active metabolite of codeine is morphine. But there is a ceiling, and dependent on the activity of the liver enzyme (CYP2D6). Some kids have unintentionally offed themselves with codeine, but this probably happens with ultra-rapid metabolizers. Considering that the LD50 is 427 mg/kg, this is a gamble.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: Artemisia and FireFox
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
The main active metabolite of codeine is morphine. But there is a ceiling, and dependent on the activity of the liver enzyme (CYP2D6). Some kids have unintentionally offed themselves with codeine, but this probably happens with ultra-rapid metabolizers. Considering that the LD50 is 427 mg/kg, this is a gamble.
@Relic I do have a high risk of my heart no longer beating if I take an overdose. My anoxeria and laxative abusing has given me a weak heart.

I feel it is a risk worth taking.
 
Relic

Relic

Astral Corpse
Mar 6, 2021
533
The consequences, in case of a failure, are possible liver and kidney damage. Are these just codeine, or combined with acetaminophen? Because that would complicate things even further.
 
A

Artemisia

Experienced
May 24, 2024
202
I've been prescribed codeine and, when looking into it, realized it most likely wouldn't work. I've actually told doctors I plan to end myself but not to worry because I don't intend to use pills, their reply was that they wouldn't work either. Codeine and tramadol are too mild and will mostly just make you sick and sluggish, but won't be enough to ctb. Unless you're very fragile, but it's hard to know how fragile is fragile enough.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: FireFox
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
8,095
I thought about codeine initially because I was prescribed it for gallstones. It comes in varying strengths- so- that's one thing to check. I got the 30mg tablets but, not enough. I think I had worked out it would require at least 3 boxes at one point. I'm just not sure about it though really. I imagine with any type of poisoning, the body will try to vomit so, I don't know if antiemetics are needed as well. I get the impression they've made it especially difficult to suicide via overdose now.

I so hope your situation does turn around. It sounds like you've fought so hard at life. You deserve a break. I'm keeping everything crossed for you but at the same time, I completely understand why you feel so exhausted with everything.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: Artemisia and FireFox
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
I've been prescribed codeine and, when looking into it, realized it most likely wouldn't work. I've actually told doctors I plan to end myself but not to worry because I don't intend to use pills, their reply was that they wouldn't work either. Codeine and tramadol are too mild and will mostly just make you sick and sluggish, but won't be enough to ctb. Unless you're very fragile, but it's hard to know how fragile is fragile enough.
@Artemisia Interesting thanks for sharing.

I do have a high risk of my heart no longer beating if I take an overdose. The weightless from my anoxeria and laxative abusing has given me a weak heart.

The more laxatives I have been abusing the weaker my heart has become. I just need my heart to stop forever

I have a 50% chance of dying or 50% chance of survival.
 
A

Artemisia

Experienced
May 24, 2024
202
@Artemisia Interesting thanks for sharing.

I do have a high risk of my heart no longer beating if I take an overdose. The weightless from my anoxeria and laxative abusing has given me a weak heart.

The more laxatives I have been abusing the weaker my heart has become. I just need my heart to stop forever

I have a 50% chance of dying or 50% chance of survival.
It's hard and not knowing if it'll work is the worst part! From what I've found there don't seem to be many, if any, cases of fatal overdose with codeine alone, but there are a few when mixed with other drugs or alcohol, so it's something to keep in mind.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: FireFox
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
I thought about codeine initially because I was prescribed it for gallstones. It comes in varying strengths- so- that's one thing to check. I got the 30mg tablets but, not enough. I think I had worked out it would require at least 3 boxes at one point. I'm just not sure about it though really. I imagine with any type of poisoning, the body will try to vomit so, I don't know if antiemetics are needed as well. I get the impression they've made it especially difficult to suicide via overdose now.

I so hope your situation does turn around. It sounds like you've fought so hard at life. You deserve a break. I'm keeping everything crossed for you but at the same time, I completely understand why you feel so exhausted with everything.
@Forever Sleep In my house there loads of painkillers and medicines due to family members having prescriptions for chronic pain illnesses.

I have never attempted suicide before.

I had moments were during periods of being overwhelmed were I try to act upon my suicidal thoughts but can never bring myself to actually do it. Now I have finally reached my breaking point.

I have been close to death before in August 2022. I took a higher dosage of laxatives and diet pills I wasn't expecting to feel so weak, collapsed on my living floor, heart rate beating abnormally and constant throwing up of water all evening.

I was absolutely terrified my heart would stop beating. I was so happy to wake up the next day. Seeing the sky and sun looked so beautiful it was as if I was seeing it for the first time. Months after the incident with the laxatives my life did get better. 2022 was the best year of my life for the first time I wanted to live and was actually happy and no longer pretending to me.

When I talk about how amazing 2022 was to people it feels like a dream but it wasn't a dream it was so real. In Autumn had the most amazing holiday in Venice, weeks later I gave my strongest ever interview performance and secured a higher paying job. I fell in love with an older man he made me feel so special. Winter it was snowing in England during my lunch break I went to the park and seeing the snowfall it felt so magical because the first time in my life I see how beautiful things are becoming. Christmas was so amazing. I miss that year so much

2023 was when everything went wrong for me. I went from having the best year of my life to the worst year of my life in ALL areas of my life.

My family have the audacity to keep saying "everything happens for a reason" OK let them preach this nonsense at my funeral when I am 6 feet under. All these events last year are the reason why my eating disorder came back to numb all the emotional pain.

All the happiness I had in 2022 at 25 I will never have those good times again.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Forever Sleep and Artemisia
A

Artemisia

Experienced
May 24, 2024
202
Just wanted to add that 27 is pretty young, too young in my book to be married actually. Even if all your friends/acquaintances are married at that age, they'll soon start the divorce tango. In today's society that's how it works, nothing is settled and definitive and people go on falling in love and having new partners sometimes into their 80s. We're not living in the 1950s and you shouldn't let yourself become depressed because of that old mentality. Be yourself and love you'll find you, or at least a relationship (so many couples have everything between them but love). I do hope you can get into college again like you want, focus on that and doing something you like as a hobby (and share it, mingle with others), it's the only way to find like minded people and who knows a relationship. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping really hard you do get in.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: Forever Sleep
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,561
I don't recommend it. My sister overdosed on codeine and she survived. Granted, she overdosed in desperation of some sort of therapeutic effect for her condition rather than as a suicide attempt but all the overdose gave her was a bunch of pain. My sister did die around 2 weeks ago but that wasn't from an overdose
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: razahcareca27
N

Neraul

Member
Oct 25, 2023
35
I used codeine along with diazepam and zopiclone. I ended up in resus and was in hospital for 3 days. I took several boxes but stopped and that was the kicker - I think had I kept going I would have done the job. I did throw up but I only have flashes of memories from it. I felt incredibly sick for quite a while. I know my blood wasn't clotting as fast as it should.

Honestly, I'd do it again with an anti-emetic and a few extra boxes, knowing I wouldn't be found. The diazepam and zopiclone have wiped my memories but if I could drift off like I did and that be that - I'd take it.

If I could get fentanyl, I'd definitely take it.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: FireFox and Living_Hurts_so_Much
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
It's hard and not knowing if it'll work is the worst part! From what I've found there don't seem to be many, if any, cases of fatal overdose with codeine alone, but there are a few when mixed with other drugs or alcohol, so it's something to keep in mind.
@Artemisia We have had suicides involving Codeine overdose cases in England I have seen on the news.

This is why I think I have a chance of death.
I don't recommend it. My sister overdosed on codeine and she survived. Granted, she overdosed in desperation of some sort of therapeutic effect for her condition rather than as a suicide attempt but all the overdose gave her was a bunch of pain. My sister did die around 2 weeks ago but that wasn't from an overdose
@ijustwishtodie Rest In Peace to your sister sorry for your loss.
I used codeine along with diazepam and zopiclone. I ended up in resus and was in hospital for 3 days. I took several boxes but stopped and that was the kicker - I think had I kept going I would have done the job. I did throw up but I only have flashes of memories from it. I felt incredibly sick for quite a while. I know my blood wasn't clotting as fast as it should.

Honestly, I'd do it again with an anti-emetic and a few extra boxes, knowing I wouldn't be found. The diazepam and zopiclone have wiped my memories but if I could drift off like I did and that be that - I'd take it.

If I could get fentanyl, I'd definitely take it.
@Neraul Oh my god. The human body is stubborn bloody hell even if you want to die your own body will fight to keep you alive.
 
Last edited:
A

Artemisia

Experienced
May 24, 2024
202
@Artemisia We have had suicides involving Codeine overdose cases in England I have seen on the news.

This is why I think I have a chance of death.
But are you sure it was codeine alone? Sometimes only the main component is mentioned, even if an adjuvant was used. All I can say is that I hope you can make it work when you need it to.
 
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,543
Just wanted to add that 27 is pretty young, too young in my book to be married actually. Even if all your friends/acquaintances are married at that age, they'll soon start the divorce tango. In today's society that's how it works, nothing is settled and definitive and people go on falling in love and having new partners sometimes into their 80s. We're not living in the 1950s and you shouldn't let yourself become depressed because of that old mentality. Be yourself and love you'll find you, or at least a relationship (so many couples have everything between them but love). I do hope you can get into college again like you want, focus on that and doing something you like as a hobby (and share it, mingle with others), it's the only way to find like minded people and who knows a relationship. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping really hard you do get in.
@Artemisia I am deeply still in love with the man who broke my heart and caused me so much pain. I wanted a future with him. I didn't care that he is in his 50s.

I will never meet another man like him who noticed me, made me feel special. All my life I have always been that girl now woman who never has a guy take an interest in her. Growing up I was always that girl the guys liked to humiliate at school because she wasn't like the other girls who fitted in. I always take a genuine interest in the things the guys I like enjoy and have the confidence to talk to guys but no guy ever feels the same about me. In adulthood no guy ever sees me as someone special to be chosen. I have the confidence to approach men, genuinely friendly but no man ever wants me it's always another woman else that gets picked.

All I have ever known is male rejection even my own father didn't want me. He was living in a different neighbourhood on the other side of town with his new family he left my mother and I for.

The man I feel in love with he messed with my feelings and head.

People tell me that he wasn't my boyfriend and there are othee men. I still loved him as though he was my boyfriend. I didn't care he had grey hairs and when he came into work with four front teeth missing I still didn't care.

I am running out of time to meet a man, it's too late for me. No man is going want a 27 year old virgin who never had a boyfriend
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Artemisia
A

Artemisia

Experienced
May 24, 2024
202
Big🤗, big🤗!!

I can imagine a bit how you must feel and know it must be hard. We're all different, some people certainly have it easier than others when it comes to attraction, but atraction isn't love. I obviously can't promise it'll all turn out for the best, just say that it might. I can tell you that I was also not popular at all and struggled in my youth with not being the kind of girl boys wanted. I had my first (and only) bf in college and even then I wasn't considered attractive. But by the time I realized in my 30s that I was actually ace, boys had turned to men and realized there's a lot more to a woman than looks. At that point I actually started having quite a few interested in me, but I was ace and had no interested in another mainstream type of relationship. Knowing I was ace was both a relief and the sad realization I would indeed always be alone, because I have 0 interest in providing sex. I already had a good friend who tried to get together with me for years and then, in my 40s, met someone 13 years younger than me whom I love dearly and says I'm the love of his life. I told him we'd never be a couple. Now I'm 49, my body is broken and can no longer take care of myself. The 2 of them take care of me, men with whom I was always honest and said I'd never date. They understand, they're by my side when no one else is. That's my kind of love. It's not what I imagined in my youth but it's the kind of love that works for me and in a way for them , as one now has a girlfriend. Like I've said many times, love is complicated and comes in many ways. Maybe you'll never get over that guy, maybe you will and find someone who truly cherishes you. The thing is, we never know until it's there or it's over.

I've just gotten out of a not too friendly discussion because I tend to play the psychologist/adviser here, but I'll keep doing it all the same. It's obvious you have issues due to your father's absense and that influences how you go into or attempt relationships. He's not worth it. It hurts, but your value is in who you are as a person, not in how someone who should have cared for you didn't. People have reasons, good, bad, understandable, not understandable at all. Whichever his reasons, don't let him define you. Easier said than done, I know. Try as much as you can to let go. There are some good men out there, they're worth keeping hoping.
 
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: divinemistress36 and FireFox