h4ppyhypoxia
Student
- Aug 8, 2026
- 126
im asking this question because im only 19 and ive decided to ctb, before joining this fourm i thought, "well, im adult now, i can make these decisions!" but since coming on here ive seen people be (rightfully) skeptical of the extent to which people my age have the capacity to make such a big decision, id really love to hear more thoughts on the matter, it probably wouldnt sway my choice, this is just out of curiosity
as well, i see a lot of people on here that have said they have felt this way since they were my age, and im honestly impressed with the ability to endure these feelings for that long, whether you had to due to circumstance, or whether you decided to hold off the decision, but im wondering, did it feel worth it for you to "wait" until youre older to ctb? are you glad you stuck around?
but id like to share a bit more about myself, i think people see a 19 year old making this decision, and they think "this is a kid making a permanent choice based on problems that wont matter in another 5 years, with the right support, they would be ok" but personally i have tried very hard to be ok, but unfortunately i havent had much success, ive done different types of therapy since i was 12, ive genuinely tried in them, i think that the techniques ive learnt from therapy have absolutely benefited me, so im not saying it was a waste of time, but it didnt take away my near constant mental suffering
im now at a place where i cant access therapy because my mental state has deteriorated so much, i have an eating disorder, im classed as severely underweight, and due to this i wont be accepted into any therapy, and you might think "just do eating disorder therapy then?" i have, ive been in an intensive day patient program, i was discharged because my eating disorder is mostly fueled by emotional regulation, and they consider it "detrimental to my wellbeing" to take away this crutch, ive tried to recover by myself, only ended up worse, and it might not be well known but trying to recover by yourself is actually quite dangerous, you dont get the medical monitoring, which is absolutely necessary as you can be at risk of something called refeeding syndrome
ive also got great friends, ive found "my people", i got good grades, i put effort into fixing my relationship with my parents, im doing a course at one of the best universities in my country, ive loved reptiles since i was a kid and i finally got the chance to own one, but still, none of this takes these feelings away, and id like to just be done, even if it got better, suffering is still an inevitable part of life, and i feel like the short time ive been here ive suffered enough for multiple lifetimes, and id like to just be at peace, my lifespan will be cut short by anorexia anyways, even if i decide to recover, my body is damaged, and on top of that i have plenty of other mental issues
as well, i see a lot of people on here that have said they have felt this way since they were my age, and im honestly impressed with the ability to endure these feelings for that long, whether you had to due to circumstance, or whether you decided to hold off the decision, but im wondering, did it feel worth it for you to "wait" until youre older to ctb? are you glad you stuck around?
but id like to share a bit more about myself, i think people see a 19 year old making this decision, and they think "this is a kid making a permanent choice based on problems that wont matter in another 5 years, with the right support, they would be ok" but personally i have tried very hard to be ok, but unfortunately i havent had much success, ive done different types of therapy since i was 12, ive genuinely tried in them, i think that the techniques ive learnt from therapy have absolutely benefited me, so im not saying it was a waste of time, but it didnt take away my near constant mental suffering
im now at a place where i cant access therapy because my mental state has deteriorated so much, i have an eating disorder, im classed as severely underweight, and due to this i wont be accepted into any therapy, and you might think "just do eating disorder therapy then?" i have, ive been in an intensive day patient program, i was discharged because my eating disorder is mostly fueled by emotional regulation, and they consider it "detrimental to my wellbeing" to take away this crutch, ive tried to recover by myself, only ended up worse, and it might not be well known but trying to recover by yourself is actually quite dangerous, you dont get the medical monitoring, which is absolutely necessary as you can be at risk of something called refeeding syndrome
ive also got great friends, ive found "my people", i got good grades, i put effort into fixing my relationship with my parents, im doing a course at one of the best universities in my country, ive loved reptiles since i was a kid and i finally got the chance to own one, but still, none of this takes these feelings away, and id like to just be done, even if it got better, suffering is still an inevitable part of life, and i feel like the short time ive been here ive suffered enough for multiple lifetimes, and id like to just be at peace, my lifespan will be cut short by anorexia anyways, even if i decide to recover, my body is damaged, and on top of that i have plenty of other mental issues