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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Illuminated
Sep 9, 2018
3,005
I think the fact that I'm always operating on such a negative basis each day. Every day I'm sick, poor, depressed, lonely, unfulfilled, anxious. I have to struggle, focus, medicate, smoke, eat, and caffeinate myself just to be able to cope with that reality, let alone ever be able to fix any of it, or be happy and thrive. Life's challenges are insurmountable for me.

I also feel lied to/cheated, and totally underwhelmed with life. When you're young you're made to feel like you can achieve anything. But that's more like winning the lottery. 99.9% of us will just rot in mediocrity or worse.
 
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H

Heart Shards

The shards of my broken heart cut deep.
Feb 3, 2019
535
How i have to care about myself and work's problems. I just want to lay in my bed and watch the world fade.
 
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dontwantthislife

dontwantthislife

Member
Jan 28, 2019
42
Expectations: you need to study, work. And you can't just study something you like as there's usually no jobs in that. No enjoy a shitty finance degree or computing science. If you are like me and like health but are too stupid to become a doctor or a dentist, enjoy being a dental hygienist or nurse instead (no disrespect to nurses or anything sorry).

Another expectation: finding a life partner. Never mind if you're happy being single, don't want kids, enjoy just slutting it around instead of committing to someone. Nope, society deems you a sad and pathetic loser if you can't score a partner.

Monotony: 7am wake up, head to work. Lunch break. Finish at say 5 if you're lucky, these days people compete to stay late. Finish 6 or 7. Commute home - for some up to an hour. Get home, oh joy you have 2-3 hours to yourself! Shower, make food. 2 hours to stress about the day you had, the day you're going to have tomorrow, look at everyone else posting on social media about how great their day was. Oh and it's only Monday - 4 more days of it! Is that it? Our entire lives spent at a place we HATE, so we can "enjoy" 2 days of the weekend?

The cards you are dealt: Most of us are born looking terribly average. A lot of us ugly, by societies standards. Weight issues - being fat. Things not always in our control - large features, out of proportion face or body, moles, hair, stretch marks, lines and wrinkles, odour. And if this doesn't exclude you from being attractive, a personality disorder such as BPD will usually suffice! Oh joy, thanks to my shitty childhood I now have a condition destined to drive all men away.


I could go on and on. What's the fucking point. This life SUCKS.
 
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S

Smith94

Member
Feb 3, 2019
65
The fact nobody ever signs up for 'life'.
 
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Raggas

Raggas

Suicide is self expression
Dec 31, 2018
306
The meaninglessness of it all, at least for me.
 
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PsychoPyro

PsychoPyro

Chronic Pain
Jun 7, 2018
102
That it just keeps going. Every single conscious moment. There are no breaks. Day after day of life. It may sound stupid, but the worst part of life is that it's all you get to experience and you can NEVER escape it. Even while unconscious, you're not conscious of being unconscious, otherwise, you'd be conscious.


Just utterly relentless.
 
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J

Jackd

Free-spirit
Dec 24, 2018
12
That is an impossible question to answer. To name any one thing in particular, and I don't even have the will to list all of the things. But a few would be the mystery of it all, how there are no answers to any of the most important questions such as what happens when we die, I hate how it's impossible to agree with everyone on anything in that literally everything can be a disagreement and probably will be, I hate how unfair it is, I hate people in general, I hate religion, I hate society, I hate the school system, I hate the government, I hate how good people get taken advantage of and evil people rise to power, I hate capitalism and living as a wage slave to fake paper money that has no actual value, I hate so many things mostly about humanity. I love the actual nature of mostly everything other than human nature which happens to affect me quite a lot.

Took the words right out of my mouth, nicely put. I'm not dealing with mental health issues, no addictions, make pretty good money, in good shape, have a car. Im humble for everything, but everyday I wake up in this world, it's like waking up in a terrible nightmare. Most ppl just care about themselves, family will fvck you over more than strangers, friends stab each other in the back or talk bad about you behind your back. Most ppl are money hungry ( money really has no value, it's just like monopoly paper), we kill ourselves slowly daily to wage slavery for 40-50 years, afterwards 10-20 years to enjoy life as an elderly with health issues, in which, you will probably die during those retired years. The government brainwashes society into some mind game you barely have a chance at, but they keep pulling that carrot with a string to keep us hoping. Tupac said, " Is life worth living or should I blast myself?" That's what ask myself everyday.
 
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bunny

bunny

ذخیرہ
Oct 3, 2018
380
no one loves me :(
 
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Glim

Glim

Student
Jan 28, 2019
105
-Life feeds upon life to survive
-Life keeps creating impositions and dragging more life into this mess
 
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NoChoice

NoChoice

Fallen Zen Master
Jan 28, 2019
207
no one loves me :(
Me either. I've ruined everything good that's ever happened to me and I don't even know if it's my fault or not.
 
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NoChoice

NoChoice

Fallen Zen Master
Jan 28, 2019
207
Took the words right out of my mouth, nicely put. I'm not dealing with mental health issues, no addictions, make pretty good money, in good shape, have a car. Im humble for everything, but everyday I wake up in this world, it's like waking up in a terrible nightmare. Most ppl just care about themselves, family will fvck you over more than strangers, friends stab each other in the back or talk bad about you behind your back. Most ppl are money hungry ( money really has no value, it's just like monopoly paper), we kill ourselves slowly daily to wage slavery for 40-50 years, afterwards 10-20 years to enjoy life as an elderly with health issues, in which, you will probably die during those retired years. The government brainwashes society into some mind game you barely have a chance at, but they keep pulling that carrot with a string to keep us hoping. Tupac said, " Is life worth living or should I blast myself?" That's what ask myself everyday.

I hate people so much. Life had such potential, nature is beautiful but humans are evil. Wish I could reply in more depth, thanks for the response. Too busy at work being a wage slave to answer, ironic right?
 
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J

Jackd

Free-spirit
Dec 24, 2018
12
I hate people so much. Life had such potential, nature is beautiful but humans are evil. Wish I could reply in more depth, thanks for the response. Too busy at work being a wage slave to answer, ironic right?
Smh the world we live in
 
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Foxing

Foxing

New Member
Dec 28, 2018
1
What I hate most is no matter how good of a person you try to be, life will still fuck you in the end. And sometimes it seems like the good people get fucked over worse than most shitty people do. It really hurts.
 
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Coral7

Coral7

Member
Feb 1, 2019
86
Don't call it life. Call it existence. Existence is suffering.

Precisely, for me true essential Life is Love, is having our whole potential available easily, all our Essence and powerful energetic being (Soul) so to speak. It is being healthy, happy, at peace... in a state where one truly can enjoy her/his/it chooses and have the true "information" and consciousness to choose one.

Here, now, in this state of having a physical body inmerse in this specific world, so inclined to experiment low vibrations (sadness, fear, insecurity, hate, desperation, confusion, etc) or pain, plain ans simple, is what it is 'basically' wrong... a tragedy actually.

This beautiful planet with its nature, plants and animals is the only closer to true Life we can get, besides any level of true Love anyone of us or "them" have decided to feel at any point in our current "existence".

To call life to "this" specific human existence is a huge misunderstanding, as well as to call love to a couple romantic relationship only, when in Truth, true Love can be and exist in any Heart/Soul Person or being that allows it to him/herself. Another confusion is to call death when our biological bodies cease to function as a whole, at the most we could say "death" of the body, but even then, its molecular parts only are changed to another state of matter, able to "create/feed" new "life", biologically speaking.

And talking about our TrueSelves, death does not exist at all, understanding that as a complete desapereance, of our memories, experiences, capability of thinking, learning, and more important, feeling... and having full control over that, not like here in this plane of existence with its rules, which are what we essentially hate from this 'existence'... most of them already described by many of you here and for which I agree.

Suffering is not necessary in order to learn, that is a brain wash... although I do believe in my/our free will, and that we had to agree to encarnate here before be here, however, at the same time, I intuit we have been "brainwhased" before come, and it is there when we have our full-power or potential (more easily available) to really used our free will and say something like: "No, I choose not come back to Earth to suffer, I decide to stop believing in the law of karma and any other law that I could accept before and only is cause of suffering in disguise. I decide to be Free of any dual law or entity that I may believed before but only created/feed a jail and 'separation' within me."

Of course, anyone can or not believe or understand now that we are Eternal or Immortal beings or not, I deeply respect that and any other trascendent believe any one of you can have at this moment.

In short: any suffering (deseases of any kind, sadness, hate, frustration, dispair, any type of pain...) is awful, it is, for me, something that does not deserve any bit of our energy... and yet, here, in these current conditions (rules: economic, society, press, political, pollution, deseases, etc) are anavoidable experiences. That's what I 'hate'.
 
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T

TheLastStraw

Member
May 10, 2018
55
How I have to spend 99% of my free time and energy working a job I hate for an amount of money you can barely survive on and I don't see it ever changing, I also hate having to put on a mask and fit in with my co-workers...having to talk to them everyday

If I could be a hermit living in a cabin in the woods with a dog I'd be set for life, 100% happy
 
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Thisisme373

Thisisme373

Arcanist
Feb 16, 2019
418
How cruel and unfair the world is. How fucked up and selfish society is. Having to work just to pay bills until you die. How pointless it all is. All the bad decisions I've made, I have sooo many regrets, big ones. The reality of how much of a nightmare my life has become is overwhelming.
 
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Thisisme373

Thisisme373

Arcanist
Feb 16, 2019
418
How I have to spend 99% of my free time and energy working a job I hate for an amount of money you can barely survive on and I don't see it ever changing, I also hate having to put on a mask and fit in with my co-workers...having to talk to them everyday

If I could be a hermit living in a cabin in the woods with a dog I'd be set for life, 100% happy
I totally get this.
 
Going Home

Going Home

Specialist
Sep 21, 2018
357
I hate when people think they know me, what I'm ferling or thinking. They usually have no clue.
 
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seekingoblivion

seekingoblivion

Arcanist
Dec 11, 2018
454
The fact that you can only escape it through death.
 
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N

none666

Student
Oct 15, 2018
195
The sheer hopelessness of it all. We live, we die, for what? I can't find good evidence for an afterlife, so i assume death is just a lack of consciousness. If everyone meets that fate, then what's the point of living? Nothing i do will matter to me or anyone else when I'm dead. Life hurts too much for me to look for meaning that isn't there. I get panic attacks if i think about it too much, and I've been thinking about it since i was a child. at least i know hell isn't real
 
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chrijo

chrijo

done
Feb 8, 2019
329
Pointlessness.

Nothing makes sense.

Everything beautiful in life is ephemeral.
 
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Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,627
Pure hopelessness and the realisation that its not going to get any better or easier.
 
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Jake.123

Jake.123

Member
Feb 18, 2019
63
Me. Everything i hate is because of me. Ive made decisions which cause me to hate myself and its the emotional pain which i wanna escape
 
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Redt2go

Redt2go

flower child
Jan 5, 2019
1,643
Me. Everything i hate is because of me. Ive made decisions which cause me to hate myself and its the emotional pain which i wanna escape
yah
 
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Beyondajoke

Beyondajoke

Member
Jul 18, 2018
29
-Life feeds upon life to survive

This...once I fully, truly realised this, I couldn't see existence the same again It all seems not only meaningless but it also seems horrifying. The burden of consciousness and of having to carry a "self" around is absurd and awful. As Bahnsen said, "Man is a self-conscious nothing".

I went from happy theist to tormented existential nihilist in 15 years and it has been highly unpleasant.:ohh:
 
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FaceOf

FaceOf

Exit is the same for everyone. No need to wait.
Feb 5, 2019
21
I don't understand for what people need to live at all. Who made that planet? What for? I just want to end it.
 
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C

couragetodie

Student
Jan 2, 2019
154
This is going to be long. I don't know how to answer this succinctly and that bothers me. I have spent the vast majority of my life happy to be alive and with no desire to die. About a decade ago, that changed but I thought it was merely due to side effects of psychiatric meds. I now realize there was something deeper there. The last few years have been plagued with depression and drug/med-fueled mania. At this point I would say what I hate most about life is that I can't appreciate it enough to fight to live.

And that pisses me off. It pisses me off that I am a quitter. It pisses me off that I have squandered so many advantages. It pisses me off that I couldn't figure out how to build a happy, healthy life that made me want to keep going even in the face of tragedy.

It pisses me off that some people are able to have terrible childhoods, suffer severe traumas, disease, head injuries, and so forth and still build happy lives.

I used to be so motivated but now I wonder what the motivation was for. For whom was I living? I can't sit here and say that I was always the victim. I have been a shitty person to people. I am tired of being a shitty person to people. Some say that if I ctb that is a terrible thing to do to others. I understand why they would say that; they don't understand what it's like to live in the hell that is my life. Of course it could be worse. My pains could be stronger. And I know many will just look at this last part of my life and say — he was a selfish piece of shit. He didn't care about anyone but himself. He let down all these people by taking the "easy way out."

It's funny, I used to be so busy. So busy just keeping all the plates spinning in business, in life. Since I have become suicidal, I have let nearly all those plates fall and now in this quiet, I realize how much I have avoided the deep questions. Why are we here? Why was I born? Why do we suffer? Why are some born into lives of joy and others into pain? Why have I hurt people? Why was I hurt? Do I trust anyone? Am I living a good life? Is there an afterlife? And so on...

I see many here write about the afterlife. I admire the conviction of those who write about it but from my POV none of us have an effing clue. There are infinite possibilities as to why we exist. I just wish I could have been smarter/dumber(?) and just blissfully pursued happiness and not questioned every damned thing in my way. What a curse it is to have an overly analytical mind. In school and in work, I was praised for this. Outside of school and work, in the playground and war zone of life, my obsessive analysis over just being killed off so much. So many relationships ruined; opportunities destroyed.

Sometimes I think all the meds, traumas, disease, drugs and years have just pushed me over the edge. My mind seems a bit tattered at this point. And now I need to get my shit together so I am successful in CTB.
 
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K

KiraLittleOwl

Lost in transition
Jan 25, 2019
1,083
Society is all about money. I hate it.
 
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