What do you do when you feel the urge?

[release_me]

Hello fellow sufferers,

What do you do when you just feel or be pushed to reach out for that bottle or bag or blade or gun or rope to end it swiftly? Sometimes I feel I just can't do it anymore and want to end it right there and then but end up groping in the dark with/for nothing.
Tell me how do you survive? How do you get past it ?

 

[JKFleck]

Remind myself that I have one last attempt to live (details in my friendship thread) before I die, do I want to CTB? Absolutely, but I'm not willing to go down without a fight.

 

[iloverachel]

I try and distract myself and find someone enjoyable to occupy my mind with instead of those dark thoughts.
Sometimes i play chess, go for a walk in the park, lift weights, read a book, watch a movie, play some games etc.

 

[AsTheWorldCaves]

I have a specific date in the future that I've committed myself to living to. After that it's whatever, but until then I just force myself to deal with it. Sleeping, I guess, if I had to point to an actual coping mechanism. When I wake up I'm usually at a baseline where I can manage for another day.

 

[Kit1]

If I am consciously wanting to end my life, I do have a date that I need to live with and knoenthat I cannot end my life till then what happens as my children have exams till then. Protalectuve factors are my children.

 

[sussshiroll]

I play games recently i found exteremly funny and fun game called Chivalry 2 check it out.
I see movies/series, If i did ctb in 2018 i wouldn't have seen the latest The walking dead series.
But still want to ctb and waiting for N someday hopefully

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't have access to reliable poison or a gun anyway, I envy those who have the option to reliably die in peace. I'm tired of feeling trapped in this dreadful and hellish existence, under no circumstances would I ever wish for something so undesirable as having the ability to exist.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I tell myself that I can't at the moment. I want to wait for my Dad to go first. I remind myself how long I've had ideation for- 34 years and, it's been worse than this at times. I try to be kind to myself and do whatever I need to to get through. Most of the time, I know what productive thing I ought to be getting on with but, if I really can't face that, I'll listen to some music, come on here, watch something on YouTube. I'll try to take some of the pressures off of myself- I'm not going to worry about my future now. I don't intend to have one. I have to keep my job and make my deadlines and I still care about doing a good job but that sense of ambition and disappointment from failure is largely gone. That's a relief. I tell myself I just need to keep treading water for now but, the time will come when I allow myself to leave (hopefully- if my attempt succeeds.) In a way, I suppose I promise myself that it won't be forever. I just need to make it through as best I can for now.