What do you do when you can't accept an undesirable situation, but can't change it?

[paredler]

I'm 30 gay male and in the gay community there's a huge pressure to become muscular.
After my second suicide attempt, my body chemistry has been disrupted and it has affected my spine. I suffer from two bulging discs that make it hard for me to walk and very hard to exercise. Even before the attempts, I didn't respond well to physical suffering. I don't respond well to suffering at all, that's why I attempted twice. The muscle dream is dead to me, or rather, it has never actually been real. I tried to exercise in 2018, before the attempts, but after two months I collapsed mentally. I have zero self discipline. Very few times in my life I managed to exert self discipline and it has always gone at some point. Most of my life I have lived on automatic pilot because that's the mode with the least amount of physical and mental pain there is.

It's been a year since I last had sex and this sexual starvation drives me insane. I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

 

[innominesatanas44]

I just replace need for human intimacy with my hand, there is less bacteria than with another person

 

[xinino]

Fight it to survive or commit suicide

 

[Linda]

I probably know the gay community - in all its diversity - better than you do. I have been dragged around most corners of it by the many gay male friends I have had for over half a century. What you say may be true of part of the gay community, but it is definitely not true of all of it. You need to find a different corner of the gay community. For example, there are gay groups founded around some common interest, and in those groups sex is not the primary focus. You could try to find such a group.

 

[saduser88]

Fight it to survive or commit suicide

Yeah I'm trying.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I research methods and seek others who want to ctb.