Venting What do you do when nobody wants you, not even yourself.

[Deleted member 10475]

I'm just so done.

My boyfriend broke up with me today. I tell him I've been feeling really depressed lately, so he reached out and we FaceTime today. He just gets perverted and always throws questions at me about my body, about sex...never anything normal. Never wanting to get to me.

So I express myself and he hangs up on me, tells me this is how he is, I should've known and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I'm just sitting here crying like an idiot. I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship in my life - with boyfriends, with people, with my family. I literally have zero friends and I just feel like I keep getting reminded that I'm a waste. Even I hate everything about myself.

I still see my rapist, I still see the people who abused me when I was younger...they're all just happy and living it up, while I'm stuck in a nightmare and it's just not fucking fair. Why do people like that get to live and love life???

I just really don't wanna be here anymore. I'm just holding out for my parents to pass, then I just want to go, I'd have nothing left and no one would even care I'm gone. 25 years of just pure straight hell and I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of struggling, I'm just tired.

I hate my life, I hate myself and I want out. I don't want to ctb, but I'm fooling myself if I think there's going to be any other ending than that.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I'm really sorry for what you've been through and what you are going through. You deserve better than the way you have been treated and the way your boyfriend is treating you.

My abuser has continues to live the high life whilst I have just existed over the years, it's not fair at all.

You say you don't want to ctb so please don't. Have you had therapy? It helps some people but not others.

 

[itsamadworld]

Sorry you're feeling this way. Human relationships are too complicated today. I kinda keep it single now as a 39f, personally, because it's too complicated. I hope you find someone who can keep it real, or find an alternative situation, something like that...Anyways, Best wishes.

 

[mr nobody]

I know how you feel. My girlfriend puts things on hold with us and I feel like she's all I have left besides my mom. Growing up, it was just me and my mom. I gave up most of my life to move to where I am now, so I don't have any friends here. It gets really lonely and I get the same feeling that no one wants me.

 

[Blue Portal]

I'm just so done.

My boyfriend broke up with me today. I tell him I've been feeling really depressed lately, so he reached out and we FaceTime today. He just gets perverted and always throws questions at me about my body, about sex...never anything normal. Never wanting to get to me.

So I express myself and he hangs up on me, tells me this is how he is, I should've known and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I'm just sitting here crying like an idiot. I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship in my life - with boyfriends, with people, with my family. I literally have zero friends and I just feel like I keep getting reminded that I'm a waste. Even I hate everything about myself.

I still see my rapist, I still see the people who abused me when I was younger...they're all just happy and living it up, while I'm stuck in a nightmare and it's just not fucking fair. Why do people like that get to live and love life???

I just really don't wanna be here anymore. I'm just holding out for my parents to pass, then I just want to go, I'd have nothing left and no one would even care I'm gone. 25 years of just pure straight hell and I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of struggling, I'm just tired.

I hate my life, I hate myself and I want out. I don't want to ctb, but I'm fooling myself if I think there's going to be any other ending than that.

Sorry for your suffering. Hope you find peace.

 

[Meowkin]

I'm just so done.

My boyfriend broke up with me today. I tell him I've been feeling really depressed lately, so he reached out and we FaceTime today. He just gets perverted and always throws questions at me about my body, about sex...never anything normal. Never wanting to get to me.

So I express myself and he hangs up on me, tells me this is how he is, I should've known and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I'm just sitting here crying like an idiot. I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship in my life - with boyfriends, with people, with my family. I literally have zero friends and I just feel like I keep getting reminded that I'm a waste. Even I hate everything about myself.

I still see my rapist, I still see the people who abused me when I was younger...they're all just happy and living it up, while I'm stuck in a nightmare and it's just not fucking fair. Why do people like that get to live and love life???

I just really don't wanna be here anymore. I'm just holding out for my parents to pass, then I just want to go, I'd have nothing left and no one would even care I'm gone. 25 years of just pure straight hell and I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of struggling, I'm just tired.

I hate my life, I hate myself and I want out. I don't want to ctb, but I'm fooling myself if I think there's going to be any other ending than that.

You've had some traumatic and difficult experiences. It seems like you have a lot of anger, sadness and pain swirling inside of you. When you live a life of suffering, ctb seems like a valid option even when you may not want to ctb for the sake of ctb itself. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much.

 

[Deleted member 10475]

I'm really sorry for what you've been through and what you are going through. You deserve better than the way you have been treated and the way your boyfriend is treating you.

My abuser has continues to live the high life whilst I have just existed over the years, it's not fair at all.

You say you don't want to ctb so please don't. Have you had therapy? It helps some people but not others.

I've been in therapy for quite a long time now, my current therapist is really sweet but I feel like I'm not improving, especially considering the circumstances now.

I appreciate all the comments, I just needed some sleep to calm down and I feel pretty embarrassed.