Discussion What do you consider to be your biggest transgression, and does it contribute to your desire to commit suicide?

[Oudenophobia]

Ya cuz if my family found out it would ruin my life it wasn't illegal or anything but I fucked them over and I feel like I piece of shit for it but I need them to live and I don't think they would ever speak to me again

If you ever feel as if you both can and want to talk about the issue at hand, you're welcome to reach out to me privately.

 

[Adûnâi]

The school environment isn't exactly as conducive to learning as people assert that it is. Much of the knowledge that we actually need to function in this world is learnt through experiences outside of the school environment anyway.

Without school, I would literally have not seen a human face. School was the best time of my life, even though I never opened my mouth to talk to my peers.

 

[Oudenophobia]

Without school, I would literally have not seen a human face. School was the best time of my life, even though I never opened my mouth to talk to my peers.

Schools often provide more of a social mixing ground for most people as opposed to the "education" we're all supposed to get by attending them. Then again, the whole complication with schools in general is that they often promote social exclusion, competition, and a hierarchy system in which people can then leave schools with things like a superiority complex, or a fear of severe internalised inadequacy.

 

[Adûnâi]

Schools often provide more of a social mixing ground for most people as opposed to the "education" we're all supposed to get by attending them. Then again, the whole complication with schools in general is that they often promote social exclusion, competition, and a hierarchy system in which people can then leave schools with things like a superiority complex, or a fear of severe internalised inadequacy.

I hated my school for lacking corporal punishment. Hierarchy is what lies close to my heart, and I never satisfied that craving. Last year I angered my uni teacher by saying I preferred a 19th century teaching style instead of brain-damaged dancing and songs.

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Exposing myself to triggering content which worsened my OCD, used to go on gore sites and stuff like that.

And now having been in a school shooting before and witnessing other traumatic events have contributed to my worsening OCD which in turn lead me here.

 

[BlockHammer]

The fact that this world run on comparation and also me haven't achieved anything spetacular yet make me depressed (also not having a job, still depending on my parents)

 

[passivethought121]

Idiocy. I never did anything criminally stupid, just many many social instances that solidified my reputation and gave me many many memories (to come) that will remind me that I'm inferior.

 

[Oudenophobia]

I hated my school for lacking corporal punishment. Hierarchy is what lies close to my heart, and I never satisfied that craving. Last year I angered my uni teacher by saying I preferred a 19th century teaching style instead of brain-damaged dancing and songs.

Wait, is that seriously what happens in universities now?

Exposing myself to triggering content which worsened my OCD, used to go on gore sites and stuff like that.

And now having been in a school shooting before and witnessing other traumatic events have contributed to my worsening OCD which in turn lead me here.

Morbid curiosity regarding the gore, or something else?

For you to even endure those events alone and still be here is an acomplishment. I can't imagine that it's something you're pleased to hear, nevertheless it still takes some serious mental fortitude.

The fact that this world run on comparation and also me haven't achieved anything spetacular yet make me depressed (also not having a job, still depending on my parents)

Parents don't ever stop being parents. If you're someone who actively contributes to bring another person into this world without their consent, you are responsible for supporting that individual for as long as you breathe.

Achievements are personal things that don't need to have weight or importance attributed to them in order for said achivements to still be worthy of the title; some achievements are big, and some achievements are small, but no achivement is invalid.

Just because someone else has done something that society deems "incredible" doesn't then mean that we all have to achieve something of a similar standard in order to be worth something.

Idiocy. I never did anything criminally stupid, just many many social instances that solidified my reputation and gave me many many memories (to come) that will remind me that I'm inferior.

Did you make what you consider to be mistakes when you were younger, or are these things you've done recently?

 

[Abyssal]

Never read the Bible, nothing from it impacts me that I wouldn't chalk up to society.

Idk anything about the Bible's sins, but I'd probably go to hell for being a lesbian and not believing in god. Oh and probably another very stupid things even religious people ignore.

 

[Adûnâi]

Wait, is that seriously what happens in universities now?

The Ukraine is a joke country, and our education system seems to be rotten to no end, with the Soviet structure already demolished, and frivolities from the West taken. Yes, my English teacher presided over girls clapping their hands akin to preschoolers. I remained seated in disgust, on the verge of leaving that madhouse.

It was just a single event, however. But then, in June 2023, my class went to the park to play idiotic games... At least, I had a chance to use my mouth talking to a geek peer about CSGO - successfully so. And I impressed myself by responding really fast to the questions such as "What material is the Statue of Liberty's torch made of?"

Idk anything about the Bible's sins, but I'd probably go to hell for being a lesbian

Can't you just choose whatever post-mortem existence you'd like to experience? Why would you internalise damaging narratives?

 

[Oudenophobia]

The Ukraine is a joke country, and our education system seems to be rotten to no end, with the Soviet structure already demolished, and frivolities from the West taken. Yes, my English teacher presided over girls clapping their hands akin to preschoolers. I remained seated in disgust, on the verge of leaving that madhouse.

It was just a single event, however. But then, in June 2023, my class went to the park to play idiotic games... At least, I had a chance to use my mouth talking to a geek peer about CSGO - successfully so. And I impressed myself by responding really fast to the questions such as "What material is the Statue of Liberty's torch made of?"

Being someone unfamiliar to the inner workings of Ukraine, I am sadly unsurprised at how much of a disaster everything is there, just as it is everywhere else. I respect your ability to even tolerate what you saw, given how the teacher at that establishment likened the clapping of students to preschoolers.

So much for the "education system" after all.

I know of Counter-Strike, though I've never actually played it.

That's a serious acomplishment for you. Did the conversation ever go beyond that one interaction?

 

[Adûnâi]

That's a serious acomplishment for you. Did the conversation ever go beyond that one interaction?

Nope, as I have no idea how to keep it up. I guess, I could just lend him an ear during the breaks in-between classes, but what's the point? And the classes were usually few anyway in fall 2023 (which in itself is a good thing, I could barely survive the offline routine).

P.S. Do you happen to be an AI, or use AI in your responses? You're giving terms definitions, and speak in such an impartial style.

 

[Oudenophobia]

Nope, as I have no idea how to keep it up. I guess, I could just lend him an ear during the breaks in-between classes, but what's the point? And the classes were usually few anyway in fall 2023 (which in itself is a good thing, I could barely survive the offline routine).

P.S. Do you happen to be an AI, or use AI in your responses? You're giving terms definitions, and speak in such an impartial style.

With time, it is possible that you might find a way to overcome the difficulty that presents itself before you, however I can't guarantee anything for you. Would you say you found him to be palatible to you?

Not at all. I see no reason to use AI as it goes against my belief in critical thinking; if I don't use the words I feel apply to the response I'm giving, I shouldn't reply.

 

[Adûnâi]

Would you say you found him to be palatible to you?

He seems to have a speech impediment, talks loudly to girls, usually monologues about The Binding of Isaac. No idea what's to say. I only have 1.5 years left in his company anyway (10 min a day?).

I did see him meet some guy in a bus, so he has extracurricular pals - something I never did.

 

[Oudenophobia]

He seems to have a speech impediment, talks loudly to girls, usually monologues about The Binding of Isaac. No idea what's to say. I only have 1.5 years left in his company anyway (10 min a day?).

I did see him meet some guy in a bus, so he has extracurricular pals - something I never did.

Well, it certainly doesn't seem as if you're put off by him.

Are you open to the idea of approaching him about what it is that he does in these activites? It could prove to be worthwhile to you.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I am about to commit it. My cat is lying on me right now and I have to get up.

 

[Oudenophobia]

I am about to commit it. My cat is lying on me right now and I have to get up.

Have you reached what you feel is the end of your road?

 

[Adûnâi]

Are you open to the idea of approaching him about what it is that he does in these activites?

I honestly don't know what approaching would even mean. We see each other 10 min a day at most, in-between some classes. (And my next term starts February.) I haven't seen him since early December at this point. I do use him for asking for home assignments if I don't know what has been assigned.

At least, with a girl I would know the end point. But I wouldn't want to get into this guy's undies, hehe. So I know neither the beginning nor the endgoal.

 

[Oudenophobia]

I honestly don't know what approaching would even mean. We see each other 10 min a day at most, in-between some classes. (And my next term starts February.) I haven't seen him since early December at this point. I do use him for asking for home assignments if I don't know what has been assigned.

At least, with a girl I would know the end point. But I wouldn't want to get into this guy's undies, hehe. So I know neither the beginning nor the endgoal.

Approaching someone varies depending on how you wish to connect with the individual. If you're looking for something deep and meaningful in the friend department, one place to start is with things that you perhaps have in common.

Do you not see friendship in and of itself as the end goal, or do you base the end goal more on a specific action, or outcome?

 

[Adûnâi]

Do you not see friendship in and of itself as the end goal, or do you base the end goal more on a specific action, or outcome?

To tell the truth, I don't exactly know what friendship entails at all, let alone how to pull it off logistically. I'd like a gf, and intelligent conversation partners, but no idea as to the road there.

 

[Oudenophobia]

To tell the truth, I don't exactly know what friendship entails at all, let alone how to pull it off logistically. I'd like a gf, and intelligent conversation partners, but no idea as to the road there.

Friendship is subjective, thus the meaning of friendship to you is not something that can be taught to you, but rather something you must discover for yourself if you so choose.

 

[mojabaka]

I took the covid vaccine, it turned me into a disabled person. 1 mistake in my life cost me everything.

 

[Oudenophobia]

I took the covid vaccine, it turned me into a disabled person. 1 mistake in my life cost me everything.

What exactly happened to you? My messages are open if you wish to share privately, though you don't have to share at all if you do not wish to.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Falling into abusers' traps. Fatal ones - that have ruined my life beyond repair.

 

[mojabaka]

What exactly happened to you? My messages are open if you wish to share privately, though you don't have to share at all if you do not wish to.

pots, smalll fiber neuropathy, extreme chronic insomnia, chronic urticaria.

 

[needpeace18]

I am personality disordered so I have left a wake of wreckage in my past personally and professionally. Having a PD is a life sentence and the main reason I want to CTB.

 

[Doemu]

Wanted to kill someone just for fun. Gladly I failed. If I had succeed I would CTB to much ago. Couldn't live with that.

I still can't live with even that i had tried. I deserve to die.

 

[dumbfukloser]

My mind. It feels broken, I suffered sexual abuse in my youth and from then on I just kinda shut down. As long as I can remember I've hated myself to the core. Being gay was the number one reason, being bullied and rejected from societies norms really makes you feel unwelcome and unloved. I grew scared of people and pretty much became a recluse. I have a firm belief that I'm unlovable, undeserving and an abomination. I have trouble connecting with people because most of the time anyone was nice to me or anything else it turned out to be a joke, they just wanted to mess with my head. I grew so accustomed to abuse simply because it was all I've ever known. I have severe depression and probably other mental illnesses, that I won't seek treatment for. Honestly there isn't any point. I have tried to ctb multiple times through out my life and no one ever seemed to care. They just laughed it off. That's been a big motivation for me ever since. When family and coworkers found out about my most recent attempt they laughed and mocked me. I went into a deep spiral of hopelessness. I threw away my career that I spent 7 years working for and locked myself in my house for the past 2 months. I thought I found a fool proof plan to finally release myself from this living hell but even that didn't work.
I think about suicide all day every day. I know I'll never be happy or feel love. I was born worthless and it's time for me to man up and take myself out. I have nothing left, I'm on the verge of homelessness, with no money or job. At this point I couldn't even go to work because I'm literally losing my mind. Every day I can feel sanity slipping away.

 

[sserafim]

My biggest transgression was being born as a human (especially one with Asperger's), and on this planet. Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a cat. I feel like I was never meant to be human, I must've become one by mistake. Maybe I should go to a different planet. I think I would find more belonging and fit in more there than here.

 

[Napoleon]

Honestly? I don't really share the details of my life. As it says under my name, there's no story, no plot, and nothing of significance to share. Perhaps a reason could be found with enough digging, but I seldom see any point. Personally, I find the stories of others to be of more interest to me than the content of my own life.

Being ugly, socially inept & hopelessly nihilistic is a surefire recipe for destruction and the ultimate handicap, worse than having no legs. It is due to this that I constantly fantasize about ending it all.