What causes you the most unbearable pain that you want to cbt right this moment?

[Ineedtodie]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

 

[Pluto]

It's awful dealing with harassment. I used to deal with that sort of torment with my family, eventually 'solving' the problem with total isolation. My decline continued.

For me, it's a combination of anxiety in the body - it feels like a car engine that's idling ridiculously high - and a lack of any tangible reason to continue battling to swim across this ocean of futility.

 

[jodes2]

Arguments with my gf. I can't stand it

 

[TheCyberian]

My loneliness. I'm autistic and (I think) I have avoidant personality disorder. The way my brain works and the way my past experiences have shaped my personality have turned me into a complete recluse who's unable to connect with anyone. I seriously go weeks without leaving the house or talking to a single person outside of the internet and it's killing me. I think I could handle the suffering that comes with loneliness if I had some hope that my situation is fixable and it could end some day. My brain is literally structured in a way that makes it impossible to be the person I want to be. There is no fixing this or getting better. How fucked up is that?

 

[BipolarExpress]

Disability stigma, hands down.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me I have an unlimited amount of reasons as to why I wish to die. I absolutely despise life and find existing to be unbearable. I believe that it's always preferable to not exist regardless of the circumstances.

Probably what I hate the most in life is any kind of physical suffering. I always feel physically unwell in some way and tired. The human body is designed in a way in which to torture people.

For someone to want to exist in a world where so many diseases and illnesses exist they must be delusional. Even the pro lifers could end up in the worst pain possible and then they would want peaceful methods. Anybody who is against suicide in this world is incredibly insane. It's disturbing how people see suicide as a negative thing.

I do view existence as being prison like and I hate having thoughts and just being aware. That is a curse to me. Life is an incredibly useless concept that has evolved in a way in which to make living beings experience extreme torture. It makes sense to wish to escape it.
No amount of words could describe my hatred for life and all of my waking moments are spent wishing to die.
I so wish I had N as then I could just peacefully pass away and never have to experience anything ever again.

 

[harshbarger]

Thinking about how much happier I was in the past. Mistakes I made. Inability to go back in time or find a happier future.

 

[Ineedtodie]

For me I have an unlimited amount of reasons as to why I wish to die. I absolutely despise life and find existing to be unbearable. I believe that it's always preferable to not exist regardless of the circumstances.

Probably what I hate the most in life is any kind of physical suffering. I always feel physically unwell in some way and tired. The human body is designed in a way in which to torture people.

For someone to want to exist in a world where so many diseases and illnesses exist they must be delusional. Even the pro lifers could end up in the worst pain possible and then they would want peaceful methods. Anybody who is against suicide in this world is incredibly insane. It's disturbing how people see suicide as a negative thing.

I do view existence as being prison like and I hate having thoughts and just being aware. That is a curse to me. Life is an incredibly useless concept that has evolved in a way in which to make living beings experience extreme torture. It makes sense to wish to escape it.
No amount of words could describe my hatred for life and all of my waking moments are spent wishing to die.
I so wish I had N as then I could just peacefully pass away and never have to experience anything ever again.

Sorry you're experiencing physical pain and sorry for all your suffering.
I agree with you on so many levels. I think that life evolved into an insane prison like game. And for us that game turned into our worst nightmare.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Chronic pain and discomfort. Not being able to live the life I did when I was healthy.

 

[AnonymousS]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

Many reasons but i think chiefly the utter futility of my existence, an all consuming hopelessness.

 

[Ineedtodie]

My loneliness. I'm autistic and (I think) I have avoidant personality disorder. The way my brain works and the way my past experiences have shaped my personality have turned me into a complete recluse who's unable to connect with anyone. I seriously go weeks without leaving the house or talking to a single person outside of the internet and it's killing me. I think I could handle the suffering that comes with loneliness if I had some hope that my situation is fixable and it could end some day. My brain is literally structured in a way that makes it impossible to be the person I want to be. There is no fixing this or getting better. How fucked up is that?

I relate with you on so many levels. I have a similar state of mind. I felt every word. I know its seriously fucked up. because I have APD and Its utterly debilitating. I don't even have the words to describe it because its so overwhelming and sureal. I' m sorry you have to go through this.

 

[TheCyberian]

I relate with you on so many levels. I have a similar state of mind. I felt every word. I know its seriously fucked up. because I have APD and Its utterly debilitating. I don't even have the words to describe it because its so overwhelming and sureal. I' m sorry you have to go through this.

I'm sorry you have to go through this too. It's a living hell. But there's some small comfort in knowing that you're not alone in this

 

[Ineedtodie]

It's awful dealing with harassment. I used to deal with that sort of torment with my family, eventually 'solving' the problem with total isolation. My decline continued.

For me, it's a combination of anxiety in the body - it feels like a car engine that's idling ridiculously high - and a lack of any tangible reason to continue battling to swim across this ocean of futility.

I think its the same for me. A combination of fears activating at once.
Your analogy describe it perfectly.
I feel that my braine is constantly wired for fears. In my case I just refer to it as deep shame because it makes me feel so wrong and helpless.
It's the perfect match for despair I would say.

 

[lili]

I feel very lonely, tired of this pain. Tired of my mental health conditions. The perpetual hopelessness in life. Every time I try to connect with someone, I always somehow end up hurting them, and find myself in the same spot of unbearable loneliness. I don't like myself either. But everyone else can run away from me, except me, I have to stay with my own body. I just wish to go to sleep and never have to wake up again.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

Physical pain is the worst to me especially when it's extreme long lasting unending pain.

 

[fettuccinenoodle]

My ex. My best friend and the love of my life. He talks to me just enough to keep me on the hook. He has a gf now. And he does respond when I text him, but not when I reply to his message. Trying to move on its so hard. I wish I hated him. But I'm too kind I will likely always care about him

 

[LaVieEnRose]

My epileptic and migraine disorder. 8.5 continuous years.

 

[Little T]

broken heart of losing all my family = lonely abyss

 

[Scythe]

Being a failure failing at everything, I can't do anything right, I don't know if it's because of my mental disorders or just that I suck at everything. I can never be what I sought to be, and the sick irony is that the only thing I'm good at is the thing I despise.

 

[Aboutblue]

It's been a year and a half since I destroyed a 9 year relationship with my stupidity and selfishness and it's not getting better. I'm angry all the time. I was always pretty pessimistic but now I feel like I hate humanity and the existence of life itself. If she came back tomorrow I could start over and be a good partner for once but it's too fucking late. She will never speak to me again. I can't and won't ever date again and she was the only thing that really made life worth it. I'm terrified I won't kill myself and I'll be stuck here for years just hating life. That's how it's been so far.

She would tell me I'm being really dumb. She told me one of the last times I heard from her to just get over it. I know I'm being dumb but that doesn't help and I can't change. I wish knowing she was happy and better off without me would make me happy. It should but it doesn't.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

Watching my dog decline with age is the most painful thing right now, she is one of the main reasons why I am still here. When she departs I hope to go shortly after. I have nearly 20 significant reasons why I so badly want out. To name a few- chronic health issues, ADHD (I absolutely cannot function), c-ptsd, major self-hatred, major financial troubles, my appearance, my stupidity, loneliness, grief over the loss of soulmate pets & family members, etc etc and... I'm just so damn exhausted.

 

[almaranthine]

the inconsolable emptiness

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Physical pain is the worst to me especially when it's extreme long lasting unending pain.

Same.

 

[outrider567]

My brother's death 11/11/22 and Patti's death 1/24/22--unbearable pain and despair....always

 

[Forever Sleep]

Contemplating the future.

 

[Little T]

My brother's death 11/11/22 and Patti's death 1/24/22--unbearable pain and despair....always

Very sad indeed! And I can definitely relate as my family losses are similar - most recently my father who was the absolute center of my universe! After I'm gone our family lineage is dead.
Stupid grief councelor says I have to accept the loss and create a new life without him. That is impossible as my father was the only reason I did not CTB, I promised him I would not go before him.

And I blame myself & will never forgive myself for contributing to my brother's suicide "I was to busy with work".

 

[Dubito]

Severe Depression. Meanwhile it has become so bad that every second is like torture. I wouldn't have thought that it can become so bad. It would have prepared.

 

[its-about-time]

My apparent inability to recognize when I am hurting people I love dearly, followed by an equal inability to do better the next time no matter how hard I try.

 

[ipomoeaalba]

Losing a job I loved and planned to be at for years definitely :/ relationship issues aren't helping either

 

[actual_fox]

People who make me feel like I failed or hurt me.