What are your unique reasons to ctb?

[booray]

First I ruined my life with drugs and then the cops who arrested me fed a false story to the media that was the proverbial nail in my coffin. This defamatory story has been on the internet for two years and my efforts to get it removed have been unsuccessful because the Fox News outlet that aired it places more value on a sensational story than somebody's life. When I ctb, they will rightly say that I died of embarrassment.

 

[bad luck]

I have chronic depression, anxiety, tlp, alcoholism, I have hardly any money, I have lived half of my life and now there is only downhill. I don't adapt to this post-covid dystopian society.

 

[Trisolaris]

Psych meds left me with untreatable brain damage.

 

[iTriedButCursed]

I can only remember being somewhat happy for 2 weeks. My entire life has been problem after problem. When I feel positive, it only lasts a day, maybe 2 before something happens to kick me in the guts again. I come from a difficult childhood. I don't know what it's like to love life. Ever. Not really. I found something I fell in love with a few years ago. A way of life. Martial arts. But lockdown destroyed it and took it all away.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm never going to get anything I want. I didn't get the happy family I wanted with my parents, I never had a true friend and the one man who is perfect for me, I can never be with. It makes me want to cry so much, I can't take it. Life has not been kind to me and other people have it so much better. No one can talk bad about me after I'm gone because I've been through so much in only 21 years. I'm truly ready to go.

I can only hope that I will finally be happy with my parents and the man I love, in Heaven.

 

[Lost Magic]

Where do I begin? Mental illness, death of loved ones, I can't stand society and its terrible class system. Loads of problems. I just want to be done with it already.

 

[Worndown]

Health issues. Those just got worse and might take me out first.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm unable to accept the suffering of the past. Just because it's behind me, doesn't make it okay. Life allowed it to happen, and so I hate life.

 

[lex]

A chronic illness that ruined my body and my mental health. I have no quality of life left and even if I did recover now. It's too late all of lifes important doors have been closed.

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

Really bad contamination OCD and chronic loneliness plus I live in an expensive city. I'm surviving off of government benefits right now but I simply cannot share a living space with anyone, which is what I'll have to do if I want to live independently in this shithole city.

I've burned all my bridges and have no friends whatsoever so the thought of moving or anything seems dreadful. Everything costs money that I don't have.

There aren't many decent places to live in the UK. I was thinking of moving but it just seems unlikely for me, plus I'm already lonely and friendless and still a virgin at 23. There's a higher chance of me finding someone in a city like this that's diverse rather than somewhere that's not.

I can't live a life where I just stress and worry and have bad experiences and can't even shag someone to take my mind off it.

If the universe doesn't want me to ctb it better make me win the lottery or something.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just various chronic health problems which all started with getting some sort of stomach bug and then getting tinnitus leading to other problems.
Also depression/anhedonia, lack of meaning and purpose. I seem to operate on two emotions, dread or emptiness. I just see death as comforting and an end to my problems.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I don't think this is a unique reason but I have chronic depression. Everything in my life is ok. I have a great partner, loving family, had a job I liked, plenty of friends. Now I can bearly get out of bed, wash my body, take care of my apartment etc. Nothing feels good, I feel empty on good days and extreme pain on the bad ones. It's not physical pain, it is hard to describe. I have tried almost every treatment imaginable but nothing works. I just can't go on like this.

 

[2CTBorNOCTB]

I have many many reasons to CTB, many weird reasons

1. I do not conform to societies standards of living. I am supposed to get married and have kids, but I do not want that. Or work for the rest of my miserable life, but I also do not want that.
2. Working just leads me to other terrible reasons. Why contribute to this capitalistic society my whole life and keep on screwing my self until I die. I suck. Work yourself to your bone and then kill yourself , really?
3. If I can't work because I get sick then how am I supposed to contribute to society with not paycheck and no one to support me? I'll have no husband or money, might as well just kill my self.
4. Leads me to another thing, if I can't have independence, as in financially for myself, then I don't want anyone to pull me out. I want to be able to get myself ahead and if I can't then I'll just kill myself.
5. I will be damned if I let a man control me because I am financially dependent on him. No. I will kill myself.

I relate to much of this, though of course there's definitely more. I told myself that I wouldn't bother explain "why" in my suicide note. It's too much to encapsulate and it's likely that it'll come off as some inane reason(s) anyway.

 

[ARW3N]

"What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying." - Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

 

[Julgran]

I was raised in a sheltered - meaning too safe and unchallenging - environment, which has resulted in me becoming naive during my teenage years, and now that I'm not naive any more, it seems too late to steer my life in the right direction. In other words, I grew up with expectations that don't map on to reality.

As a result, I don't have anything that I expected to have at this point, while growing up, so it's as if I have been fooled all my life. However, I do know that this is a societal problem that affects more people than just me, so I don't blame any specific person.

 

[aprilshowers]

"What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying." - Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

Amazing read right there.

Personally, I am killing myself to be rid of human ignorance. It pains me to no end that I will never be able to comprehend the higher mysteries of the world, and I hate the effect this ignorance has on me. All the petty spite and malice I feel is because I (and everyone, to an extent) am too ignorant to conquer myself. In death, I will transcend ignorance.

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

It was always in my thoughts that it would be a final stage in my life. More recently it has felt it should be sooner than later. I am getting what I need to take that step soon

 

[little helpers]

Just to end the suffering once and for all.

"it's a waste of time, I'd put it behind me once and for all. and let the hype decline. the problem wasn't mine."

sorry I just got this song playing in my head.

 

[Dot]

Onlne hypnoss injry

 

[watchhergarden]

I got a nose job without putting thought into it…now I'm ugly - inside and out. I can never feel OK, something is constantly wrong… I'll never be able to take a happy photo again. I can't watch TV or movies or read books, everything triggers me. I'm so jealous of happy normal people who haven't gotten plastic surgery that I can bare to watch them on a screen. Nothing brings me happiness, I have an emptiness inside of me that I've never experienced before - it's been 6 months since the surgery…now I'm just waiting for my N to arrive. I don't want to die. Life was really good before this but now…it unbearable, I can't sleep I can't eat I can't relax. I have a tortured mind.

 

[jimmy7754]

I didn't get wiser as I got older.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I don't think my reasons are unique. I have a lot of reasons why but the top three are past trauma, health problems and financial issues. Not to mention the myriad of inconveniences that comes with daily life.

Just tired of fighting so hard for scraps when others get to enjoy good health, fulfilling careers and supportive relationships.

 

[...]

on it's own losing my gym gains is one of my reasons which is unique but it is connected to a lot of other reasons which are obviously less so. wouldn't say heartbreak is a unique reason but maybe so given the stigma given to it as why to ctb

 

[StarryStarry]

No reason to live ...

 

[Myl]

All of my reasons are fairly generic
Depressed
Hopeless
Lonely
Anhedonia
Abused by the psychiatric system
Being not particularly good at anything

 

[wCvML2]

I'm so sick of myself

 

[myopybyproxy]

None really. Humans as a whole are a ridiculous species. I can't understand why anyone would want to live in the society we have created.

I could dither on about how special and unique I am and how my life sucks etc etc but honestly that's the ultimate reason. No temporary moments of happiness will make all the rest of the bullshit worth it. And if I was happy all the time, I'd go crazy - how to find homeostasis? I'm beginning to believe there is no such thing. It's just another myth someone is trying to profit from selling.

 

[stellabelle]

Everyone has different and multiple reasons to ctb but some reasons are unique or specific.

I have many reasons. For example, I think time is the problem and its impossible to freeze time so its better to ctb. I keep losing everything and eventually losing myself with time.

Yeah. You know. It's a fucking waste. A waste in general.

I hope the fucking people who did this to me die and rot in a very fucking ugly place in hell, if that was ever a place anyway

 

[Ta555]

Onlne hypnoss injry

Dot, do you mean like a hypnosis video on YouTube or something like this?

 

[Dot]

Dot, do you mean like a hypnosis video on YouTube or something like this?

Exctly