Discussion What are you struggling with most right now?

[LunarLight]

Crippling depression and SI. I'm scared of death but I'm even more scared of chickening out.

 

[AllTheWay]

The fact that everyone (which was only two people) who genuinely loved me and cared about me is gone. Never healed from childhood trauma caused by my mother and father. Health issues and a disease that came up over the last 2 years that will eventually either kill me or turn me into a vegetable. The pain and exhaustion that comes from dealing with this disease. The fact that my depression made my wife of 8 years decide she wants to leave. Now I have to accept the fact I'll never see my kids grow up. They are moving across the country, I don't make enough money to travel that far very often as I live on disability now. I can't do what I want in life because of my new physical limitations. All I have to look forward to is slowly withering away alone. Like what am I going do when I can no longer take care of myself? This shit eats me alive every day.

 

[d-tea]

The fact that everyone (which was only two people) who genuinely loved me and cared about me is gone. Never healed from childhood trauma caused by my mother and father. Health issues and a disease that came up over the last 2 years that will eventually either kill me or turn me into a vegetable. The pain and exhaustion that comes from dealing with this disease. The fact that my depression made my wife of 8 years decide she wants to leave. Now I have to accept the fact I'll never see my kids grow up. They are moving across the country, I don't make enough money to travel that far very often as I live on disability now. I can't do what I want in life because of my new physical limitations. All I have to look forward to is slowly withering away alone. Like what am I going do when I can no longer take care of myself? This shit eats me alive every day.

I am truly sorry, your circumstances suck ass. I can't imagine the hurt and betrayal.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Not having the courage to drown

 

[terra.nuvo]

My lack of motivation to do basically anything. I'm slowly regaining my motivation to finish school but it isn't coming back fast enough. And even if I were to have the motivation, I lack the confidence in myself to finish the things I start. So I guess both lack of motivation and lack of confidence are my biggest issues right now.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

The fact that everyone (which was only two people) who genuinely loved me and cared about me is gone. Never healed from childhood trauma caused by my mother and father. Health issues and a disease that came up over the last 2 years that will eventually either kill me or turn me into a vegetable. The pain and exhaustion that comes from dealing with this disease. The fact that my depression made my wife of 8 years decide she wants to leave. Now I have to accept the fact I'll never see my kids grow up. They are moving across the country, I don't make enough money to travel that far very often as I live on disability now. I can't do what I want in life because of my new physical limitations. All I have to look forward to is slowly withering away alone. Like what am I going do when I can no longer take care of myself? This shit eats me alive every day.

Hope you find relief soon.

 

[thelement115]

The fact that I can't get any girl to like me.

I am not an outside person, yet I try to do things outside so I can meet girls, yet the few times I get to do it they end up rejecting me, or with me making an gigantic effort talking or inviting them to dates to gain their attention until I just realize they are not really interested.

For my friends is just so easy, and they have basically the same hobbies and interests than me, so I can't think in something more than my phisical appearance or some core aspect of my personality, it's so frustrating.

 

[Kurai]

I'm struggling in everything, my life's fucked up

 

[manta]

Dropped out of college. Living with my dad at 22 and dealing with feeling like a failure every single day. Not sure what to do with my life. Think about killing myself every single day.

 

[ctbcat]

yesterday was ... eventful. mum found my rope, and because i was freaking out i let my suicidal ideation vaguely slip to my friends too. so all those months of hiding for nothing.

i've gotta go this week, mostly for bullshitty spiritual reasons, but that's fucked most of it up... ill have to do something more painful now. more violent, or something. hanging was the peacefullest way out of my options, and now it's gone. it's not like i blame her - i should've been more careful. it's just... aagghhh. more shit to carry

i'm currently deciding whether to take my life or attend my studies. so that's fun! i might just go into the middle of nowhere & stab myself under the sternum....

 

[Dark Moon]

1) Well my autism and other conditions that affect my life.

2) Loneliness, which is their for me at times. I don't mind the isolation but still it's there for me at times.

3) Wasting away my time and life, especially my youth.

4) Ultimately I'm still alive and I want to put an end to it. I also don't pass normal or fit into society. I have no desire to be working and being a part of society.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Anxiety from this limerence I'm feeling for a woman from work.

This problem itself stems from me being a 30 year old dateless kissless pathetic virgin incel who doesn't deserve to even be trying. I should be killing myself but I'm just too lazy and stupid to carry out all my plans.

Maybe the lack of confidence and agonizing self hatred I have also contribute to these problems or maybe the real problem is that I couldn't pick a problem.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Anxiety from this limerence I'm feeling for a woman from work.

This problem itself stems from me being a 30 year old dateless kissless pathetic virgin incel who doesn't deserve to even be trying. I should be killing myself but I'm just too lazy and stupid to carry out all my plans.

Maybe the lack of confidence and agonizing self hatred I have also contribute to these problems or maybe the real problem is that I couldn't pick a problem.

This is certainly a cruel world. Planning ctb carefully has given me a sense of accomplishment and confidence. What is holding you back? You might feel better having a plan in place, if only for your sense of self esteem and self worth, even if you ultimately recover.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This is certainly a cruel world. Planning ctb carefully has given me a sense of accomplishment and confidence. What is holding you back? You might feel better having a plan in place, if only for your sense of self esteem and self worth, even if you ultimately recover.

I have my method and I have several locations scouted out. I just need to finish my notes and documents such as my main suicide note which I have been working on for at least a couple years now. I also need to actually create a draft for what my full plans need like right now I only have a vague idea of what other things I need to do. I had plans to make personalized recordings, a graphic novel/rough storyboard type story that further explains why my death is vital, and at one point I also floated around the possibility of recording a cover album of songs that I also feel encapsulate my
Misery.

The main thing stopping me is just my laziness. Even without my laziness my job keeps me tired and lazy enough. Also the annoying amount of hope I'm clinging to when it comes to the idea of getting with the girl I like is enough to delay my plans even though not being able to be with her or anyone is a major factor compelling me to suicide in the first place.

I also need to remember that I have other plans to delete certain documents, destroy some evidence, remove all traces that could tie me to SS because I don't want this site to be blamed for my death, and many more.

 

[LevUwU]

The constant struggle with no reward - getting out of bed is hell enough

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

The fact I don't know how long this torture of a depression will last. Not knowing when I get to live. This is not a life. Despite all therapy and meds and even rTMS, I still feel anxious, stressed, sad almost the whole day.

 

[NullSz00]

Stress and fear mostly. Everything in my life's been pretty weird lately.

 

[gorexzxz]

My living situation, Is just painful and harsh. I cant even shower in the morning anymore.

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

I am a new member around here but I've been lurking here for a while every now and then and this month I've been constantly on this site. So hello everyone!

To answer the question asked: Getting out of bed and doing things I am supposed to do. Well, I don't even know what I am supposed to do to make things all right because of my situation. I don't even bother answering my friends/family members phone calls and text messages anymore because of the lack of exitement and them hushing my feelings, opinions and forcing me to do something. I really am nothing I used to be before, a quite happy, functioning human-being and was a student in uni for IT. Maybe I should try something but i am not capable of anything anymore bc of my mental/physical health so why even bother... My brain: It just doesn't work the way it used to.

I tried attempting to improve my life by joining the local gym at the beginning of this year by the suggestion of my friend but because of what happened last month gave me reason to even quit that too. I've also had some things with some of my friends lately that I wish never had happened. Also, my medication sucks but I don't seem to be better even if I am off them. I don't honestly know what to do, I feel I am out of options because I don't seem fit to improve my life in any manner. I just wish I could perhaps ctb someday but I am still looking the way to do it...

 

[calebzz1]

I'm trying to solve a vision issue that's been taking over my life for the past year or so with little progress, no provider seems to be able to figure it out and narrow down what's been going on.

I've been forced to take a break from work due to it which sucks, please do not get any refractive surgery.

Here's my vision intermittently:

 

[AlexYaBoy]

What's actively bothering you the most right now?

For me, it's the discrepancy between me and my partners libido. Idk what happened, it used to be sky high for them too, at the beginning, but now I constantly feel dejected and disappointed every time I try to initiate something or my partner promises me something and then later doesn't feel like it anymore. I don't want them to feel pressured so I try not to show it as much, as it's not their fault at all, it just really messes with me because intimacy is like the only thing that makes me feel good and happy, the only strong positive feeling I have had in a long time. It's very important to me, but only if they actively enjoy it as well. I wish I could make them feel the same way.
I wonder if there's anyone in a similar situation? Even if not, please share what issues you are struggling with most right now, however small and ridiculous they might seem to you.

Oh, I can relate. I tanked my long-term relationship, due to a pornography addiction. At the time, I had a very high libido. Too much pressure to engage in sex on a very frequent basis is fucking cancer to relationships. Regret it, every day. Sex wasn't worth losing a good one. At all.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Loneliness. I feel like a spectator of life, doomed to watch others thrive and I am left behind by my poor physical and mental health

This. Me too

 

[Reallysad]

Not seeing my twins at 19months and my 11 year old. One of there mums is married and the twins mums seeing some guy with 2 kids.not seen oldest for 13months and see the twins 2hrs a week as that 'all I'm allowed' . Sitting alone every night and day missing my kids and wondering will anyone ever love me as every relationship I get into ends in a shit show.guess I'm gonna have to give up on love if I'm honest. I have a good friend network and family network but I sit 24/7 thinking why am I here when it's this painful.

The fact that everyone (which was only two people) who genuinely loved me and cared about me is gone. Never healed from childhood trauma caused by my mother and father. Health issues and a disease that came up over the last 2 years that will eventually either kill me or turn me into a vegetable. The pain and exhaustion that comes from dealing with this disease. The fact that my depression made my wife of 8 years decide she wants to leave. Now I have to accept the fact I'll never see my kids grow up. They are moving across the country, I don't make enough money to travel that far very often as I live on disability now. I can't do what I want in life because of my new physical limitations. All I have to look forward to is slowly withering away alone. Like what am I going do when I can no longer take care of myself? This shit eats me alive every day.

Sorry to hear that mate I'm not seeing my kids grow up either, we are both in the same boat and it fuckin eats me alive every second of every day. Good luck to you

 

[PINKIESISU]

What's actively bothering you the most right now?

For me, it's the discrepancy between me and my partners libido. Idk what happened, it used to be sky high for them too, at the beginning, but now I constantly feel dejected and disappointed every time I try to initiate something or my partner promises me something and then later doesn't feel like it anymore. I don't want them to feel pressured so I try not to show it as much, as it's not their fault at all, it just really messes with me because intimacy is like the only thing that makes me feel good and happy, the only strong positive feeling I have had in a long time. It's very important to me, but only if they actively enjoy it as well. I wish I could make them feel the same way.
I wonder if there's anyone in a similar situation? Even if not, please share what issues you are struggling with most right now, however small and ridiculous they might seem to you.

Being in a human body I absolutely hate it

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Not able to be myself. The constant pressure to be someone else from others around me is unbearable. I just want to breathe freely like old me.

 

[tbroken]

Not able to be myself. The constant pressure to be someone else from others around me is unbearable. I just want to breathe freely like old me.

I perfectly relate. I also fake in every possible situation. I am broken beyond repair and I don't think I'll find myself again.

 

[RoseGarden]

I feel so unwanted. nobody does anything with me unless I plan it. if I don't talk to people nobody reaches out.

 

[broth0100]

My anxiety, trying to find a job and a reason to wanna b here

 

[F@#$]

Life