Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[scordatura]

Things are okay just now. Although it's got a bittersweetness...

Unsure what I'm doing going forward from now on...

 

[DoomedDarkCircles]

Lost and overwhelmed with things I should've got over by now

 

[hangingclothes]

just deleted discord and some of my accounts should be deleted in 2 weeks at least, i have no use for it now. edit: not that i was talking to anyone anyways

 

[violetforever]

i find so many more reasons to dislike the internet than to like it nowadays

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Nihilistic; still need wondering why I lost the urge to kill myself as I degraded my already meager dignity.

 

[Bad Mojo]

I think I'm a little too chaotic and I don't belong here
Everything I do creates a fucking mess and it just gets worse every time recently
Even small things and like little interactions are just fucking decohering
I don't know what I'm trying to say as I say it anymore and I don't want to be like that anymore either
I feel like I have to do so much damage control just to exist around others

 

[buriedinmyhead]

Ashamed and pissed off tbh

 

[Adaephon]

Despair. Reaching a new low. If I could cease to exist right now, I would. I'm not satisfied with my CTB methods atm.

 

[oilsaniok]

Hopeless

 

[darksouls]

stressed because I got kicked out again and had no access to sasu for a few hours

 

[GothMold]

Pure apathy

 

[peacebenow]

Grief

 

[violetforever]

there has to be a less middle school edgelord way to refer to mentally stable people than the word normie…i cant take the posts with that word as seriously as id like to

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

*sees rerelease of CD I've been searching for and is being fucked by the secondhand market*
*sees that shipping costs the price from the 10s into the 30s*
Fuck this country, man.

 

[dyingisanart]

Tired

 

[Spite]

I really feel like I'm serving a life sentence for a crime I didn't commit. A whole life sentence. And because I can't bring myself to CTB I'm practically just waiting to die at this point and hoping the time will fly by as fast as possible so I can be done with all of this. My life is just... unbearable. I have had happy moments and lived to see a few good days, but those good moments are so rare, temporary, and fleeting. The negatives far outweigh the positives, and it's just not worth it and I can't see how I will ever break free from the chains that weigh me down. My life feels like a prison. Being stuck in a 9-to-5 wageslave job I utterly despise really adds to that feeling of my life effectively being a life sentence in prison.

 

[dhk96]

Heading to a funeral right now. In the car next to the person I hate the most in the world. Listening to music with earbuds to block out the world/reality. Afraid of having to hear their voice when we reach our destination and I have no choice but to take out my earbuds. Sick to the stomach. Don't want to see family members and random strangers at the church. Don't want to lock eyes with anyone. Don't want to shake anyone's hands, much less touch anyone. I wish I had the guts to jump off the church rooftop or off the highest level stairs. I wish I had the guts to just jump into the deep sea.

I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I don't know if I'm killing my brain or body first by living the way I am right now. Everything is so wrong. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere.

I'm so sick of being mad. I'm so sick of feeling sick. I'm so sick of feeling scared. I'm so sick of not being able to fool myself that everything is fine and nothing is happening. I want to get a DNR too. I wish I could make use of it. I wish I could die already.

 

[darksouls]

angry because its not possible for me to upload images

 

[violetforever]

i dont know if ive ever been respectfully wanted or needed by anyone

 

[hurts2b]

Some strange combination of shame, unease and frustration. Don't know. Maybe all that is best summed up in a single word: overwhelmed.

 

[Quietist]

Thinking about this clip of MJ, especially the one at the start of the video where he is asked if he has any close friends.

You can see his facial expression behind his sunglasses, the realization that he doesn't have any, and the slight embarrassment and sadness of it.

It's crazy to have been worlds apart from this person, totally different lives, but I can relate to him on such a human level.

 

[turbomightbegone]

Sounds stupid but I've finally seen my sister's face for whats probably been the first time in years yesterday. Considering I can't handle seeing most people in person anymore it went way better than I expected.,, I only managed to look for a few seconds before I couldn't handle it anymore and went back into my room again though. I don't know if I should be proud at myself for even daring to come out of my room for once or if I should be embarrassed by the fact that I thought that the pregnancy must've fucked her up

 

[meiherasayuri]

The calm relaxes me; I'm happy with how I feel now. Maybe everything will change for the better. I don't know, but I want to believe that despite the disappointments I've had

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

*sees rerelease of CD I've been searching for and is being fucked by the secondhand market*
*sees that shipping costs the price from the 10s into the 30s*
Fuck this country, man.

I bought it.

 

[momentomori00]

Very overwhelmed, I tried to outrun myself and she's caught up to me.

 

[hurts2b]

Trapped and stuck. I've gotta fucking get out of here at some point. Sooner or later. I can't do this shit forever.

 

[SkyFlower]

Today is my first father's day without my father. He sexually abused me growing up and I didn't tell a soul. My mind kept blocking all of it out to protect my sanity and such, but last year I remembered the full details. It was hard at first and it still is but I'm finally starting to make my mind at ease with it all. After these memories fully came into view all together, I decided to go about severing the connection completely. Something about today with all of this in mind feels so serial. I'm free but the eternal scars and fear of a sudden ambush from him remain. Perhaps these will become easier to deal with with time. I really do hope so. For now though, I'll try to enjoy finally having escaped those horrid shackles I grew so accustomed to.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm feeling surprisingly good right now. I drank a couple beers, smoked a little weed, and made a new friend on sasu.

 

[dinkledee]

I've recently realized that my vision has changed, specifically my perception of colour.

 

[Bowerbird]

Even my dream job (veterinarian) has a high CTB rate so even if I somehow got my life back together and stopped being an unemployed NEET disappointment, it would probably fall apart again...

My whole situation is just a dump. I can't even stretch out, or be myself, or take up space in this state. I want to get out of here.

In general I have soooo many risk factors, it's a miracle I'm still even alive and haven't tried to CTB sooner. My meds (antidepressants) aren't working, there's limited psychiatric help in my area so I'm basically fucked. I know I'm not mentally well, but there's not much I can do about it. (And even if I have knowledge of medicine stuff and spend a lot of time researching medical stuff, I'm not licensed and don't have the authority to actually be able to prescribe or do anything) I have really bad mood swings and I'm scared of my unmanaged mental illness accidentally hurting other people. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not my loved ones. If I have to hurt anyone, I want to hurt myself (or like someone really evil).

And it would probably be easier on my parents if they had a dead daughter instead of a trans son. I'm just so tired. I don't even have much space to partake in my hobbies and art.

I just wish I could be normal, or at least live quietly, and mind my own business and not bother anyone. But shitty people will always find reasons to start shit and pick on me when all I want is a peaceful life.