Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dejected 55]

I...

That's really all I can muster... just... I...

 

[Lady_V]

I think I'm going to drink again tonight.
All it does is make me cry but it is still a distraction from how I feel daily.

I think I'm drinking to try and give myself encouragement to attempt again.

 

[Lady_V]

I found rope! I was drunk pissing, racking my brain on if I had a rope better than my last, and I walked by a closet and saw it. A rope I used for weaving baskets. Just sitting there in my closet. I forgot I had it. It is soft, thick, and feels good.

 

[ungodly]

like all happiness i ever obtain is fleeting and that theres no point to anything. the things i think would truly make me happy are really obvious to me but they're so far out of my reach and i know part of that is my fault. i think i'm gonna try to kill myself again in the next few months but i can't tell if i actually want to die or if thats a way i'm trying to draw attention from the people around me lmao

im tryna give up drinking as well but i dont think that's gonna last very long. im trying not to drink for the rest of the year but im almost 100% certain im gonna relapse and that this is just a part of me now

 

[Spite]

So bored, empty and low energy. Like, even trying to type things or do anything is exhausting. I'm so tired of living. I feel so numb to everything... like nothing matters at all. I barely feel alive.

 

[alstroemeria55]

Like I want to disappear. I'm so uncomfortable being myself. I'm never going to be enough.

 

[Dejected 55]

So much... so little... I don't answer the phone... sometimes I don't want to respond to messages... but fortunately I almost never get any anyway. I want to disappear. I want to die... but I want to completely disappear first.

 

[inkmage333]

I'm cold, and I'm lonely.

 

[violetforever]

when i went to the store i watched all of the dads with kids and wives and wondered if they actually even love them and are happy.

 

[corpse]

I'm thinking about cutting myself again. I just want to see the blood running down my arms to feel a little bit of relief.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

This morning, while I was hanging in a natural spot that I like, I fantasized with not having a family, an identity and a place to return. I'd love for that to be possible. Living without the attachments of being someone.

(Just in case, I'm not in any way romanticizing the life of a homeless person, this is just a fantasy detached from reality)

 

[dead dav]

Defeated and wish I could find the will to hang myself

 

[sonnyw]

I feel very tired and hopeless...

 

[BlendedHeart]

Called the mental health line again. This time I did have a 20 minute "conversation" with the woman who answered. Probably the longest I've talked with anyone outside my family (or have paid to) in years.

Gave her a fake name. Told her I felt lonely, numb and unmotivated, and it has been like that on and off for years. Didn't tell her I looked for methods to CTB (Don't know what consequences could bring)

Basically she said variations of "you need therapy" and "you need friends" most of the time. At the end she asked me if I felt better. It was very hard to lie, and I know she knew I didn't feel better although I said "yes".

At least I tried, I guess.

 

[darksouls]

I regret having sacrificed myself for human scum

 

[Dejected 55]

Last night I remembered a dream I used to have. I used to have a recurring dream of driving along a bendy/hilly road and would lose control of the car and find myself flying off a cliff and dropping, but always waking before I hit the ground. The dream evolved over time to where I was aware in the dream, and would be falling and thinking how I remembered this dream and hoped it was a dream this time too... and would promise to take less risks if I would just wake up and not be about to die.

Last night I thought how it has been a long time since I had that dream. It used to be semi-regular... so, I thought... and I hoped... maybe I'm in that dream now... maybe my last year and a half of increased misery was a variation on that dream and it feels like more than a year but really I'm still in one night's sleep over a year ago... and if I promise not to take risks and just keep my head down and accept life as it happens... maybe I'll wake up.. and none of this will have been real.

But I woke up today and everything in my life is still shit.

 

[Defenestration]

I miss you jean louis

 

[corpse]

My suicidal thoughts will kill me.

 

[Defenestration]

Mes pensées suicidaires vont me tuer.

Me too

 

[darksouls]

I am full of rage and regret that I have wasted my entire life on this despicable society

 

[Defenestration]

See a good film " la femme de ménage"

 

[dieingasap]

Wishing to die while I am asleep
And lazy too

 

[Defenestration]

Je souhaite mourir pendant mon sommeil.
Et paresseux aussi

M wildest dream

 

[maylurker]

i'm feeling down because my sleep schedule is shit

 

[Unlucky777]

Is it possible go back 44 years and abort yourself from your mom's fetus? Asking for myself

 

[Dejected 55]

So much and so little. I feel all the bad and very little of the good. I get all the worst results without any of the good during the process. I feel like I lose without even getting to participate and get the experience. What's even the point?

 

[FeelingsMachineCC]

Absolutely terrible. Hoping someone would take me out, for I dont have the guts to do it myself.

 

[Manaaja]

There's a saying "A Finn will pay 100 euros, so that his neighbor won't get 1 euro".

It describes the Finnish narcissistic mentality well. Finns don't care how bad they have it, as long as others have it worse. And then they do that narcissistic 9 month screaming about how starving people are "entitled bitches" for wanting food and how thirsty people lost in Sahara are too "weak and feminine" for needing water.

There's no such thing as sisu. That's just FInnish narcissism. It's when there's a hole in a roof, and you get told by a Finn to "quit bitching and get used to it". It's when a 4 year old child becomes orphan and she's told to "man up and not disturb adults."

Without "entitlement and whining", we would still be living in the stone age. If we humans weren't all entitled needy princesses who need 13 mattresses, we would still be sleeping on stone slabs, eating rotten raw meat, and dying from basic infections.

Entitlement and whining and luxury is science, it's development, it's civilization, it's safety, it's physical well-being, it's health. Keep demanding, keep getting.

Let's all be princesses. Let's all be happy. Let's all be entitled.

 

[foreverfalling]

I'm tired, mentally drained. Something didn't go my way today and I spent an hour mulling over it, wishing it didn't happen that way. Why can't it go how I wanted it to? Why do I have to lose out? Every waking moment of my life is filled with these events, and knowing that fills me with dread. Inevitable suffering. Tomorrow will bring more things that don't go my way. And as long as I live, there will be tomorrow. I just see a pathway full of pain. I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[effervescent]

Despite everything I always end up sabotaging myself. It's embarrassing how I've wasted years of my life prolonging the inevitable with nothing to show for it.