Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Last post and rant Im fuming im seething angry at the mental health system always being lied about and they get away with it. No ones records are correct and they wont correct them. A glimpse of my previous record states i "think" im autistic that im not diagnosed. I have been fn diagnosed by psychologists, gps, psychiatrists just not by the form that costs $2000 in australia. And how dare they write my dog used to be my sisters therapy dog. How dare they fuckin disrespect him like that. He was my dog and only ever my dog he was my assistance dog not a therapy dog and no one elses dog. Last month in the mental health unit they told me i was lying and that i have pets to go home to. Someone has told them i own a pet horse. My fuckin pet horse is a lifesize fibreglass horse. But apparently i own a real horse that lives in loungeroom in a town like wtf is wrong. Correct if im wrong but to me the mental health workers are the ones more mentaly unstable. But you cant fight them because no one believes us its so incredibly wrong

 

[jpeq]

Bad but unable to process it. I want to laugh. I have to wake up in 2 hours, I haven't slept. I can't bring myself to do anything important and I'm watching my deadlines pass and I do nothing but sit here and take up space. I feel great, fine, present in the moment but in a sense it's an act as the real world and my real responsibilities all pile up. I'm tired and scared and angry and happy and overwhelmed and disoriented.

 

[rururiruru]

if only i know

 

[Dejected 55]

I am hollow. I am empty. I have so much to give, so much I want to give, and no one ever to give to. I need to be held and touched and seen and loved and heard, but I am alone, always alone. I am broken, shattered, the pieces are drifting away, out of reach, I can't even see many of them anymore. Parts of me are gone forever, I can never be fully put back together again, but also no one is trying and I no longer care myself. I am a shell of who I was, a fraction of who I could be, and all the unrealized potential and dreams and experiences... they aren't even things to be imagined anymore, not even fantasies to be held in my mind to keep me company or delude myself further. I know there is nothing, always nothing, and the walls are closing in on me. The end is coming whether I want it or not... so I might as well try to want it, accept it, find my place in it... and see if I can at least take the reigns on my end in a way I've never been able to do so in my life.

 

[darksouls]

still trapped in eternal darkness

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm getting so tired of this shit. I feel so fucking annoyed right now and I don't fucking fully know why. I want to hang myself so badly right now but I can't because my mom is home. It sucks because I have the rope in my bag. I want to cut myself as well, but I can't. I'd cut my thighs and arms as deep as I could if I were able to, but I can't because I was an idiot and told them about my SHing. I know that they would have inevitably found out about it but I still regret telling them. I feel so out of place everywhere I go. I even feel out of place here. Hell, I feel more disconnected from this site's user base compared to when I first signed up here.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Thinking about the next semester of classes is stressing me out so bad because there's so many things wrong with me. I want to fulfill my dreams, but if I'm too lazy to do basic tasks like taking care of myself, how am I expected to pass all my classes? I misuse OTC medication to help me get through the day, but it makes my heart hurt and race. I know what I'm doing is unhealthy, and I'm scared of the long-term consequences of abusing stimulants. However, if I don't have them, I can't bring myself to do anything

I hope I die on those stimulants so that everyone knows what they pushed me to do. I'm not being melodramatic; I'm doing whatever it takes to deliver the results people want because they would rather watch me implode than give me a break

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I feel weirdly....okay? July was quite bad but then suddenly the last few days were fine, idk. The randomness of it all sucks. I have no doubt I'll shoot back down. Which is fine by me, because that's where I feel comfortable. Feeling okay like this is scary.

 

[Bowerbird]

god i really want to ctb

but i cant leave yet, theres someone who needs me

 

[darksouls]

coldness in my soul

 

[NutORat]

I don't know how to articulate these feelings emotionally so instead I will describe how it feels physically:
Weird, almost ticklish "pain?" in the chest, and weakness in the rest of the body, limbs especially. Also that suffocating lump in the throat. Also my head feels heavy, like it's being weighted down from the inside, mostly in the frontal part.
I guess that's how I feel, I don't know, I didn't think this through, which was the assignment ok I'll shut up now haha.

 

[painfully]

Always massively lonely... Nobody will ever want me...

Also Id like to play World of Warcraft but I have nobody to play with...

 

[darksouls]

lost in an endless dark void