Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[ankawannadie]

It feels like Im sinking. Im just scared.

 

[darksouls]

still trapped in my worst nightmare
THE REALITY
not able to end it
I cant stand it anymore
unbearable depression
I want to be freed from my suffering

 

[suicidal_tendencies]

Being lonely
Wanting someone I can cuddle and talk with
Sometimes detached from reality, because I don't want to think about all the difficulties of life that will come
I want to meet Nolla in real life but it doesn't work because she's a fictional character
Thinking about suicide again after a long while
Realising that watching hentai and porn isn't a substitute for a girlfriend
Thinking about my sexuality again and if I really want to get a vaginoplasty (I am still a male)
Was it a good idea for my mental health to come back to this forum?
I should go to bed because it's way too late

 

[Lyn]

I don't feel broken. I feel... gone. Like whatever I was just drifted off one day. Not much left now

 

[XKZyn]

Lonely and like I want to rest yet I feel an odd drive to do something with myself but lack the motivation and will to do anything

 

[contentedlyplanning]

I feel horribly disgusted by my body (really severe bloating exacerbating body dysmorphia.) I feel like my boyfriend isn't strong enough to prioritize our relationship in his life, even though he cares about me deeply. I feel like I'm never going to get better and I feel so sick of people saying "you just have to give it more time" and "you just have to focus on the good things" and "you just have to learn to love yourself" and all of that. I feel like my lack of hope is increasingly more annoying to the people in group therapy as the weeks pass. I feel like I never should have been born and I wish my mom hadn't saved me from my suicide attempt in 2016 because the doctor said I would have certainly died otherwise. I feel so very, very tired.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Very willing to die due to finals, but sorry to the UK members of the site; I know shit sucks hardcore rn.

 

[darksouls]

I am trapped in my fortress of solitude
always alone
I am trapped in this sick broken body
my loneliness causes my soul suffering
already done with my life
not able to commit
no escape
I am a prisoner
isolation is my prison
my existence consists only of pain
I live in infinite darkness
no hope no light

 

[suacide]

Tired. Lonely. So, so lonely. I want my mom back. It's been 67 of daily crying, thinking about her and mourning. Guilt. So much guilt. So much guilt I understand those character motives of 'doing anything' for someone. I really get it. I'd really do anything to bring her back.
Restless. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep, but I take comfort knowing my friend on call with me sleeps better because I'm on the line. I'm useful sometimes.
I'm frustrated that my biology makes things harder for me. I feel like I was the worst person to give a debuff like this to.
So lonely. Not even that close to my closest friend. I know she has a crush on me. She's the one I'm on a call with. But I can't return how she feels. I feel awful. But she's sweet and kind and deserves better. She's not like me. I'd only hurt her. I've learnt to stand my ground on that.
I wanna finish Made in Abyss
I wanna watch 'Goodbye Lara' when it comes out
Uk law is pissing me off, I hope this VPN works
I lost my spark again
I had more fun being an alchoholic but I can't do that anymore while I'm being watched
I hope something deadly takes me out soon
I hope a new 'Tales of' game comes out before i ctb, I love those games Xillia 1+2 were my childhood
Huge swirl of emotions
Mind is too fast, I wish I had even one super close friend who don't want something unsavoury or more than just friendship from me. Or even just someone I could pretend to be with. Talk everyday. Call all the time. Joint at the hip.
I wanna melt chocolate and eat strawberries with them, I never got that fountain I wanted when I was little

 

[Bowerbird]

I'm in love and confused, shame most of the research is not applicable to my case, as lots of it is geared towards heteros and neurotypicals etc. which have different body language and shit

 

[Dejected 55]

Headache not as bad as yesterday, but still a headache. Everything has a gloomy haze that I think is just my perspective and not actual gloomy haze. Sometimes I feel feverish and weak as if I had a virus or something, but I don't... I just feel like that now sometimes randomly because I have lived in a state of high stress for decades now. I don't relax or rest even when I sleep. I am always running as fast as I can to stop the slide into oblivion, and I find myself wondering now why I fought so long? What was I fighting for? I want to stop fighting. I want to give in and slide into the abyss.

 

[darksouls]

I want to die
alwayas alone
I cant stand it anymore
every day the same hell
I dont want to suffer in this prison of isolation
lost everything
no reason to go on
already done with my life

 

[Lyn]

I hate humanity as a whole.
Although I'm still capable to feel empathy to exact persons.
Don't even know when that will change and I'll lose even this kind of connection to human beings.

 

[darksouls]

I cant get no sleep

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Extremely depressed. Im a ptsd trigger for my sister and it kills me. I gave her alot of flashbacks tonight and she was distraught and in tears over the phone. I asked her help for a stupid homework question from the fucked up suicide prevention service with the mental health team and it was enough to set her off and now set my ptsd off. Im sick of this fuckin ptsd torture with myself and seeing her aswell completely destroyed by it. Im just fuckin over all this shit

 

[enjoytheride]

I am feeling anxious to the point there are moments I feel as if my blood is like sparkling water. As if my stomach is wrapped around itself many, many times. As if I have a stone in my belly and chest.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Well, shit happened and there are now firefighters outside. One of the firefighters is really fucking hot and that somehow has now led to me feeling even more insecure about my appearance. It's funny, because the hot firefighter was a dude, lol. I've been feeling like crap today and somehow, this made it worse.

 

[Lyn]

Nothing feels real, and nothing feels worth it. I'm tired. I'm so so so tired of dragging myself through this thing that they call life.

Sometimes I'm frustrated and desperate but too empty to scream.
It's like wanting something more but not believing it exists.
Just drifting, not living.
Doing the best I can, exhausting all options. But really just waiting for something to shift, but not even sure it ever will.

Not much time left, unfortunately. Or maybe it's for the best...

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Iive got 10minutes till my suicide prevention session again yet here i am on here. Me thinks they should be fired they clearly have no idea how to help people

 

[NyxCascade]

In this exact moment, i feel fine.
Im on break at work.

 

[Cavalcade]

Feeling like a broken toy that's been forgotten on the shelf- abandoned there, having outlived its usefulness.

I miss my older brother.

I keep thinking about how everything and everyone in my life has just repeatedly shown me over and over again that it would be a relief for them if I stopped being a burden and went through with killing myself. The silence is just... deafening. I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm going to go back into the closet throughout the duration of my degree and I'm already dreading it. I'm so sad. I just want things to not hurt so badly. When is the grief ever going to be enough? When will things get easier? It's so frustrating, and it hurts me so much, that no one cares and everyone is indifferent to the pain I've been going through. They can't tell me that they don't want for me to kill myself just to make themselves feel better about it. No one gives a fuck until it's too damn late, anyway. I feel burnt out and spent and useless and so fucking stupid. I can't bring myself to do anything. I can't stop crying. I just don't want to be in so much pain anymore.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Exhaustion, depression, anxiety, futile, dread,
I can barely stay awake. I just want to go back to bed. Hard to focus.
I will never have the life I want. I just want this to stop.
I'm sorry I haven't kept up with this thread. It's one of my favorites.
I need this to end. Life is just a trap. Only the wealthy have a shot at a good life.
Most don't make it out of poverty. They are the exception, not the rule.
Please God let me die & end this misery.

 

[brokenspirited]

Misery, suffering, I;m just so tired, why

 

[Dejected 55]

There is a subtle difference between being invisible and being ignored. I have felt both in my life. When you feel invisible, it's like no one sees you, you are there but they do not see you and so you have no connection even if you try and interact they cannot see you to interact with you. But, being ignored... they see you, but they do not interact with you purposefully. When you are invisible they might not know you are there, they might not intend to cause you pain, they just don't see you and it might not be anyone's fault... But when you are ignored... there is intent. They see you, they know you are there, but you are not important enough to acknowledge.

Being ignored is much worse than being invisible. When you feel invisible there's always a hope that you can be seen or noticed... but when you are ignored, you know they are fully aware of you and either don't care or mean harm to you.

I feel much more ignored as I get older.

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

I know what people think of me im not blind i know im not liked i know im made fun of behind my back

 

[chiefkeefe23]

here's whats going in my mind right now:
i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retarded i'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retardedi'm so retarded why am I so retarded

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Last post and rant Im fuming im seething angry at the mental health system always being lied about and they get away with it. No ones records are correct and they wont correct them. A glimpse of my previous record states i "think" im autistic that im not diagnosed. I have been fn diagnosed by psychologists, gps, psychiatrists just not by the form that costs $2000 in australia. And how dare they write my dog used to be my sisters therapy dog. How dare they fuckin disrespect him like that. He was my dog and only ever my dog he was my assistance dog not a therapy dog and no one elses dog. Last month in the mental health unit they told me i was lying and that i have pets to go home to. Someone has told them i own a pet horse. My fuckin pet horse is a lifesize fibreglass horse. But apparently i own a real horse that lives in loungeroom in a town like wtf is wrong. Correct if im wrong but to me the mental health workers are the ones more mentaly unstable. But you cant fight them because no one believes us its so incredibly wrong

 

[jpeq]

Bad but unable to process it. I want to laugh. I have to wake up in 2 hours, I haven't slept. I can't bring myself to do anything important and I'm watching my deadlines pass and I do nothing but sit here and take up space. I feel great, fine, present in the moment but in a sense it's an act as the real world and my real responsibilities all pile up. I'm tired and scared and angry and happy and overwhelmed and disoriented.

 

[rururiruru]

if only i know

 

[Dejected 55]

I am hollow. I am empty. I have so much to give, so much I want to give, and no one ever to give to. I need to be held and touched and seen and loved and heard, but I am alone, always alone. I am broken, shattered, the pieces are drifting away, out of reach, I can't even see many of them anymore. Parts of me are gone forever, I can never be fully put back together again, but also no one is trying and I no longer care myself. I am a shell of who I was, a fraction of who I could be, and all the unrealized potential and dreams and experiences... they aren't even things to be imagined anymore, not even fantasies to be held in my mind to keep me company or delude myself further. I know there is nothing, always nothing, and the walls are closing in on me. The end is coming whether I want it or not... so I might as well try to want it, accept it, find my place in it... and see if I can at least take the reigns on my end in a way I've never been able to do so in my life.