Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Lambybahhhhhh]

I feel alone. Thinking that I may deserve this feeling. I wish they cared enough about me.

 

[sukiduki]

i wanna die sooner

i told myself i have to hold out for the year but i wish i could do it tonight

i don't wanna wake up tomorrow

 

[Unrequitedlife]

Apprehensive and trepidation at the day ahead

 

[Electra]

I'm feeling hopeful. Hopeful to not be scared of change. Hopeful to try. Hopeful to be.

 

[imii]

stress builds character

 

[CTB Dream]

Me feel v awfl this all pain sffr nostop

 

[sukiduki]

trying to find reasons to jusitfy lasting thru the year
but idk
what if i just did it sooner is that so bad?

 

[trashhologram]

I feel fat, old and ugly. I'm an escort but can't get actual clients, probably because I'm fat, old and ugly ass hoe. At least I get to sleep a few hours.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I'm so lost in my head. Is this life? Is this going to be my life?

 

[BlendedHeart]

I hope this is my last year. I'm broken. I'm done. I don't need more empty words or indifference.

Just silence, and eternal peace.

 

[enduringwinter]

Hope is beautiful and exhausting.

I readied myself for imminent doom and tried hard to accept it. Then the impossible happened and I actually have hope. It doesn't get rid of all the dangers, but all I care is that there's a chance I don't have to die. My mind is all mush and I can't access my options. I expected to feel joy but I just feel nothing. And then it is like my whole system collapsed. Things that were simple tasks now seem like huge inconveniences and I can't wait for the miracle I was promised to free me. I endured this life for 9 years and now a few more months seem an eternity and a half. I want to try to get back the more practical and pessimistic mindset I had before this positive turn of event because the miracle might not come to pass and even if it does there's still another huge danger in my way. I will absolutely not be able to take the fall as I am now, all floaty and impatient, wanting to live and to be free. I won't be able to face the terrible turbulences and the wrath of my family and general wreckage of my life, won't be able to exit on my own terms as I have previous resolved.

 

[untothedepths]

came back when suicide ideation returned...for some reason. i guess its still been there. haha i want death.

 

[billie]

i'm worthless

 

[Namelesa]

I just want to die but stupid desires and hope make me continue this pointless life. Everything will become repetitive and boring cus we are just repeating doing the same things over and over again but of slightly different variation or differences. Something or someone just please save me or kill me, I don't want to be trapped in this suffering.

 

[Electra]

I feel okay. Not sure how long it's gonna last, but I'm gonna try to enjoy it!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

How Many Sleeps Until My Forever Sleep ???

I'm so tired and depression is kicking my ass. I'm barely functioning. I'm on zombie pilot.

 

[sukiduki]

i just prayed to the moon and burned some incense and am hoping for the best. i feel so crazy. idk what to do. every day it doesn't seem to get better. i want it to be, but it never is. when can i go to sleep forever?

 

[MeaCulpa]

I'm so tired. Every interaction feels so hollow and meaningless. It feels like I'm being self-centered in every conversation, no matter how much I try to focus on the other person. I feel like I'm so awkward no matter what I do. It's like I'm still socially and emotionally stuck as a 12-year-old; like I never quite grew out of that awkward phase. It's so miserable that every little thing is tainted. I'm scared to reach out to anyone because I don't want to be a bother; because I don't want to hurt them; because I don't think they'll like me; because I think they'll find me terribly annoying and obnoxious. I'm awful at communication and no amount of "guides" or self-help garbage actually does anything. I'm alone no matter what I do or where I go. I get bitter and jealous every time I see women my age with a whole gaggle of friends. What did they do to deserve that? Even though it isn't my place to question another person's worth-- I'm the last person who should be doing so. I'm afraid that nothing will ever change. If anything, I think I know that nothing will ever change. What few friends I've made over the years either cut contact or lost contact. Everyone I encounter already has friends-- numerous! They're not looking for more. They don't want someone so worthless to join their group. There's no point trying. Existence is so harrowingly lonely.

 

[HighFlight]

lonely, scared, overwhelmed

 

[render]

i wish my fucking ex hadn't gotten my ass sent to a mental ward because i couldve just gotten a gun and shot myself clean and easy. i wasn't even trying to kill myself i was just having a mental breakdown GODDAMN!!!! leave my dumb ass alone so i can die in peace fuck my life man!!!!!! you're telling me i HAVE to live these next 5 years? the fucking fascists will get me before then and then i won't even have the chance to die of my own free will. if im going out im going out cause of me

 

[sjuultje123]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I feel like I already lost the game. Like when you're at the top of the list and then it gets unplugged. And I don't know what to do now other then dying.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm so exhausted of people being so emotional and illogical about death. Even on here people treat death as if it's a tragedy and even say things like "I'm glad that you're still alive" to those who have made a goodbye thread and failed their attempt. It angers me so much because death isn't a bad thing to the being who is dead. Where is the tragedy being experienced? I genuinely don't understand. I feel like such an alien even on here because I'm pro non existence (or "pro death" if you really want to call me that) whereas everybody else here treats suicide as if it should be pursued as a last resort.

I'm not going to tell others to kill themselves of course as that's still an individual choice but what I don't understand is why treat death as if it's a bad thing? I don't know, I guess my brain wasn't really ever wired to treat death as if it's a bad thing. If somebody wants to kill themselves, let them do so. I have no reason to see their death as a tragedy or something that should be prevented as much as possible unless if it's the last resort and they have thoroughly thought about it. Why should a life be prolonged so much?

I'm going to be so glad once I'm dead as I'll no longer have to deal with anything that goes on in this world, especially this.

 

[billie]

i'm worthless

 

[sjuultje123]

I feel like am gonna die alone. I told them I couldn't hold on and asked for their support. Slowly they left or kept their distance just to be safe.

Now I am happy that I can leave. Just a few more weeks and I can finally rest. This world just isn't for me and slowly I'm letting go. I am well preparerd but sad I have to go.

Fighting just isn't a option anymore. I am miserable and can't be saved. But death gives me hope and the thought gives me rest. It's been long enough and now finally I can rest.

 

[music]

gotta be held. want to fall asleep in someone else's room and to trust them enough to do that comfortably.
want to wake up and for them to say how peaceful i looked.
want an "awh sorry did i wake you?" that's all

urghhhhhh

 

[TheHolySword]

i'm progressing in my job and have so many opportunities for growth. i was recommended by my boss to go help open a new location for 2 weeks and train new staff. but it doesn't even matter because im so miserable and alone. nothing i do matters anymore because im going to be dead in a few months. i dont want to be alive, i dont want to try to have a good life anymore. im so fucking tired. the only reason i'm even still working is for the life insurance and to leave more money behind. i wish i could have lived a life where i wanted to live and could be grateful enough for all the privileges i have. there are people who would do anything to have my life and im just going to throw it all away. good riddance to me

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

All I need to do is cross my fingers and hope ctb goes well tomorrow,
I can't do anything with a pile of miserable sentiment except to throw it out the metaphorical window.
Ctb ctb, another day another rope, another roll of the dice, there's always a chance, I won't lose hope, I hope to succeed, I believe in my efforts

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

I wanna take my damn bra off! Cant breathe

 

[Jadeith]

Feel...... mechanical.
Following daily routines, fulfilling duties, taking care of those under my protection. Kinda following protocol...
And pain. Non-physical, choking pain. Cold hand crushing my chest and ripping open wounds of the past.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Those who say that there is a significant difference between merely being passively suicidal and actively suicidal are so correct and I had to learn that out the hard way. Being passively suicidal is so much more comfortable but it doesn't actually solve anything long term as I'm still alive. Being actively suicidal would solve my issues long term if I were to succeed but it causes immense pain short term due to being absolutely terrified of causing harm to myself even though I know that I'm going to be harmed by merely staying alive anyway. The human brain is wired to prefer short term comfort over long term planning since that's the more efficient method for DNA to replicate itself so being actively suicidal is so much more challenging.

My chest is so uneasy and I feel so nauseous but I can't back down now since I'm at the point of no return (and I've considered recovery and all that thoroughly but I dont want it). I have to be courageous and push through the pain to obtain an earlier death but I'm so scared and terrified because of the survival mechanism