I feel so behind in life again. How could I be so bad at something everyone seems to be perfect at? I can't make a human connection yet these people are having the best fun of their lives. I am just ungrateful for everything this life gave me, that's how I feel. I'm short, I'm ugly, I stink because I rarely shower, my teeth are horrible, my lungs are in horrible health due to my parents smoking since I was a baby, my mind is destroyed from anything I have done to capture joy in this life, I am so fucking deformed I don't look like a homo sapient, I'm overweight because of all the anxiety eating, I'm always sick and my nose is stuffed because of reasons doctors can't pinpoint. How am I supposed to even feel.
The Hermit
Lost Cause
- Sep 6, 2024
- 237
I am so tired of having to defend myself in some capacity every fucking day.
I'm tired of people trying to police my emotions, facial expressions, and the fact that I SIGH in exasperation.
Like, you should be fucking lucky that ALL I do is sigh, and that I'm not acting out violently against your daily bullshit.
My God, standing up for myself shouldn't have to be a daily occurrence over the most frivolous shit, and it's not like it does me any good, considering I still won't get respected and people will keep acting the same fucking way regardless.
I'm tired of people trying to police my emotions, facial expressions, and the fact that I SIGH in exasperation.
Like, you should be fucking lucky that ALL I do is sigh, and that I'm not acting out violently against your daily bullshit.
My God, standing up for myself shouldn't have to be a daily occurrence over the most frivolous shit, and it's not like it does me any good, considering I still won't get respected and people will keep acting the same fucking way regardless.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 5,165
My bf is cute! He makes me so happy.
Sockeye Salmon
Student
- Mar 28, 2018
- 132
i'm so fucking tired
of everything
of everything
I can't do this any more. I can't go on either ways. I just can't…
iset
Member
- Nov 28, 2024
- 33
Electra
The relief of giving in to destruction
- Jul 1, 2024
- 584
I feel pressed. Anxious. Panick-y. I feel like my chest is being pressed by some external force and it's so difficult to breathe. To just expand my lungs fully. To relax. To calm down. I feel like I want to understand what is going on, where does it come from. I feel.
yearofluigi
(🏳️⚧️she/her) The L stands for "winner"
- Nov 19, 2024
- 80
I wish I could actually not think and just type. I think too much. I tire myself out overthinking the most stupid trivial things because every time a social interaction doesn't go absolutely perfectly I feel the need to convince myself that I'm not an awful person and then other person isn't gonna immediately abandon me. I think normal people deal with similar situations by going like "that was bad, whoops" and moving on but I just can't do that; I have to stay fucking fixated for hours on whatever went wrong and I can't stop myself.
Just gotta stay strong for now. Not allowed to bother anyone irl with my feelings cause I don't want them to think of me as high-maintenance or clingy. I dunno if I actually wanna die but the only thing that brings me comfort when I'm spiralling (and it's very easy for me to start spiralling these days) is the idea that I might not have to deal with it for much longer.
Just gotta stay strong for now. Not allowed to bother anyone irl with my feelings cause I don't want them to think of me as high-maintenance or clingy. I dunno if I actually wanna die but the only thing that brings me comfort when I'm spiralling (and it's very easy for me to start spiralling these days) is the idea that I might not have to deal with it for much longer.
enough of this
Arcanist
- Jun 4, 2023
- 415
I'm homesick. I just want to go home - my eternal, ethereal home. I'm so looking forward to getting out of this asylum.
i keep going back and forth on when i should do it. is the end of the year too much? will it ruin peoples holidays? i also feel like i definitely need to be in a hotel bc i don't want my family to see me first. but i feel bad for the staff who will find me. but since the method should be peaceful with sn i feel like it won't be that bad.
Greyhawk
Student
- Jan 3, 2025
- 154
I feel like a worthless failure, tired of myself and the world. My life is not going anywhere and I don't even have the courage to end it.
human909
Banned
- Dec 30, 2024
- 591
Lazy, dumb and frustrated.
Electra
The relief of giving in to destruction
- Jul 1, 2024
- 584
Same.
CTB Dream
Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
- Sep 17, 2022
- 2,834
this lif all wrng me v sad no want exst
Promised Heaven
Eternally atoning
- Feb 1, 2024
- 715
People should not be shocked when they bully, belittle, and isolate someone and they become suicidal.
I'm someone.
I'm someone.
Why do humans live so long? Cats only live up to 20 and dogs live shorter. Many animals are like that. We, human, live for such a long time only to suffer more and longer. It is absolutely unfair. Our existence is cursed.
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broken_doll
Member
- Nov 27, 2024
- 27
I'm reaching new levels of feeling invisible and entirely like I don't matter to anyone than I knew possible cause Jesus Christ on toast it's crushingly despairing rn
ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,796
The anxiety that I have around my method potentially failing due to shitty luck is getting to me. I wish that I didn't have to worry about humans even during my final moments. It's so unfair. I wish that I could go to a completely private place where it is okay for me to die and I wouldn't get resuscitated by anybody. I know I'm overthinking this but I really, really, really, really don't want to fail since this is my only chance to get it right
CTB Dream
Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
- Sep 17, 2022
- 2,834
this rly awfl lif no know wat do all trap
Namelesa
Global Mod · I want huggie
- Sep 21, 2024
- 2,421
I feel so tired. I just want this to end, it feels like life has gone for too long and has so much filler. I am too exhausted to wait for it to get better. I am going to read on a new method I found that I could maybe use.
Promised Heaven
Eternally atoning
- Feb 1, 2024
- 715
Ate a breakfast sandwich for dinner. Living the dream.
Lullaby
🌙
- Mar 9, 2022
- 690
So this is going to sound really fucking insane, and most likely is, but whatever lol. What better place than here to share it, I'm just rambling.
I've always made fun of the Heaven's Gate situation, but I recently watched the HBO documentary about them and it affected me more emotionally than I ever thought it would.
I think being an adult now, struggling with depression and wanting to die just gave me a different perspective on everything.
I saw I clip of Marshall saying "We do in all honesty hate this world."
And I've never actually watched any of these videos, but I was having an emotional night and this made me laugh because I couldn't believe I was fucking resonating with this lmao.
A lot of those people who joined were searching for connection and meaning during really difficult times in their lives. I guess the group offered both an explanation for their pain ("this world isn't our real home") and a supportive community structure. That combination can be incredibly powerful for someone who's essentially fighting a mental war.
I don't believe in anything they were talking about, but I imagine if I had been an adult back then and who I am now, I would've gotten roped into joining.
I guess it's the kind of perspective shift that often comes with age and personal experience with struggle, I don't know. It sucks.
I've always made fun of the Heaven's Gate situation, but I recently watched the HBO documentary about them and it affected me more emotionally than I ever thought it would.
I think being an adult now, struggling with depression and wanting to die just gave me a different perspective on everything.
I saw I clip of Marshall saying "We do in all honesty hate this world."
And I've never actually watched any of these videos, but I was having an emotional night and this made me laugh because I couldn't believe I was fucking resonating with this lmao.
A lot of those people who joined were searching for connection and meaning during really difficult times in their lives. I guess the group offered both an explanation for their pain ("this world isn't our real home") and a supportive community structure. That combination can be incredibly powerful for someone who's essentially fighting a mental war.
I don't believe in anything they were talking about, but I imagine if I had been an adult back then and who I am now, I would've gotten roped into joining.
I guess it's the kind of perspective shift that often comes with age and personal experience with struggle, I don't know. It sucks.
Electra
The relief of giving in to destruction
- Jul 1, 2024
- 584
It feels like a have a tight headband on my head. I wanna feel relieved for a longer time than just a couple of hours. I wanna see things in clearer perspective. I feel like life is everything all at once.
ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,796
I wish that there was a community that I could be in that actually understand me and share my views. Whilst this site is the best one there is, I still get pissed off whenever I see a lot of people talk about life because their principles about existence aren't there. It's so exhausting honestly. It honestly makes me hate being here but the advantages of this site outweighs the disadvantages so I guess I might as well stay. If I were to find a better forum though, I'd definitely delete my account here and move to that forum immediately instead because I'm getting so sick and tired of this place. I hate having to pretend here because I don't share the views about existence and death that a lot of people here do. I'm so sick and tired of pretending though. I'm so sick and tired of everything in general. At the end of the day, only death can get rid of my suffering and the bullshit that I have to deal with. I don't value this forum as much as everybody else does
roboteulogy
Member
- Jul 17, 2023
- 17
i hate having thoughts that constantly contradict each other. i don't know what is going on in my head anymore. this is all so difficult and i'm tired. i don't even see a satisfying end to it all. you struggle just to keep living and then what?
sometimes there's hope and there's a simple ladder i can climb that'd make my life incrementally better, sometimes the fog clears and i suddenly gain the realization that i'm subjecting myself to this horrible torture for sub par results. there's no ifs or maybes, mediocrity is too good for me and is unattainable. all there is to life is just this.
sometimes there's hope and there's a simple ladder i can climb that'd make my life incrementally better, sometimes the fog clears and i suddenly gain the realization that i'm subjecting myself to this horrible torture for sub par results. there's no ifs or maybes, mediocrity is too good for me and is unattainable. all there is to life is just this.
lexx
Member
- Nov 13, 2024
- 20
Dead sad tired
Promised Heaven
Eternally atoning
- Feb 1, 2024
- 715
I'm all by myself on Monday and have an 8 hour time period where if I hang myself I would most likely not be caught. I could CTB, I've been fantasizing my suicide a lot more seriously to the point of crying in my workplace. How my life came to this. I genuinely do not want it to end like this. I do not want to die. But I also feel like I need to so I can stop suffering. I've been thinking of ending my life for 10 years. There's a higher than 0% I may do it, but I don't know. I actually feel so happy and scared and confident. I probably won't, but I know I can and just knowing I can brings me more peace than any mental health service provided to me.
I'm in so much mental pain that I am exhausted! I tried so hard to keep things together but I'm crawling down in that hole again and spiraling and I'm afraid of myself. I've had 5 attempts and planned my 6th one yesterday. I made a video journal to say goodbye to everyone that mattered. It was over 3 hrs. What I realized after the video is I didn't really want to leave, I just need a little help. So I took my sleeping cocktail and said for now I'll just rest it off. I woke up and decided what do I do? I decided that life is not perfect, there will be bumps in the road and this new problem can easily be fixed in a month. It was the new problem it was just the overall feeling of loneliness that's too much. So I ate a little and worked on writing my book. I reached out to 2 people and wrote apology emails. Whether they accept my apology or not, I tried. I been up way too long so I'm about to take my sleeping cocktail and go back to sleep. I'll say my usual prayer, please don't let me wake up again, and hope it works. That was my day, oh and I cried again as usual.
HereIGoAgain24
Member
- Sep 2, 2024
- 67
The world is falling apart around us. Everything is completely fucked, the only thing we have to look forward to is a decaying, scorched Earth fought over by tyrants. And we COULD turn things around- keep them from getting worse, at least- if we could just see the big picture... but we're so short-sighted, so broken, that we're only feeding into the system. The only question now is if humanity will go extinct, or if we can limit it to 'just' collapse and eventually rebuild.
It's funny- I spent so many of my childhood and teenage years terrified of phony end of the world predictions (The May 2011 rapture, the 2012 apocalypse...), and had to learn not to worry so much. But then, it turns out, nope- looks like the world really is ending. I'm 27; don't think I'll live to 30 even if I don't CTB by then.
It's funny- I spent so many of my childhood and teenage years terrified of phony end of the world predictions (The May 2011 rapture, the 2012 apocalypse...), and had to learn not to worry so much. But then, it turns out, nope- looks like the world really is ending. I'm 27; don't think I'll live to 30 even if I don't CTB by then.
