Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[cgrtt.brns]

im a fucking walking disaster. i ruin everything. im a burden. i only make mistakes and bad decisions. i need to be locked away or die so i dont destroy and ruin everything for everyone else. im terrified of everything including myself. i dont want to be here anymore bc im just a useless burden that only ever ruins everything.

 

[Sockeye Salmon]

remember, the bad guys always win
so what are you gonna be?

 

[Anomaly]

I am suffering from a terrible malady called "consciousness."

 

[Namelesa]

Please someone kill me please. I don't want to live anymore. I can't handle the mental torture in my brain anymore. I am trapped here with no method and I don't know how to get better. Someone please kill me. The boredom, the guilt, the emptiness, the worthless, the self-loathing, the overwhelming emotions, I can't take it anymore.

 

[yowai]

God let it be tommorow already I don't have energy to do anything sleep too much and feel like crying again for no reason just let me have that stupid powder again

 

[Electra]

FUCK THIS SHIT, AND FUCK THAT SON OF A BITCH TOO! I WISH HE WOULD PUT HIS ANGER UP HIS ASS AND NOT ON INNOCENT PEOPLE. I'M SO FUCKING MAD AT HIM, AND AT HIS IGNORANCE ON PEOPLE. HOW CAN A GROWN UP BE SO OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY AND NOT CONTROL HIMSELF?! I AM LITERALLY FUMING! HE CAN GET FUCKED!

 

[Promised Heaven]

Dissatisfied with the state of the world, and powerless to do anything about it. Helpless to the people who have hurt me and told me I'm weak. I want to get back into self harming but I know how addicting it is. I'm hurting, and just want a new life.

 

[Electra]

FUCK THIS SHIT, AND FUCK THAT SON OF A BITCH TOO! I WISH HE WOULD PUT HIS ANGER UP HIS ASS AND NOT ON INNOCENT PEOPLE. I'M SO FUCKING MAD AT HIM, AND AT HIS IGNORANCE ON PEOPLE. HOW CAN A GROWN UP BE SO OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY AND NOT CONTROL HIMSELF?! I AM LITERALLY FUMING! HE CAN GET FUCKED!

Almost lost my cool there. I'm a little more relieved now.

 

[ForgiveMeFriends]

I feel bad, but neutral. Ever since l stopped drinking, it feels like...a switch responsible for joy was flipped inside my head. No matter what happens, what l do, what l TRY to do, it remains lodged and broken like that. Aside from that, I'm contemplating if l should try to reconnect with a friend l very obviously upset.

 

[CTB Dream]

This want slp no wake rly awfl lif

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

Rn chilling in the middle of ctb-ing, doing partial, feels like my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets, I hope they don't

8/10 experience, pretty relaxed
When I practiced in the past I thought partial was an ineffective practice, but it's good now with a different set up
Edit: didn't work

 

[Electra]

I'm feeling anxious right now. Uncomfortable. Doubtful.

 

[GlassMoon]

Nervous, anxious, expecting a lot of blame to come my way soon... hope I can fight it off... I'm scared that I might not and accept the guilt which is not mine to bear... I've done my share, now it's somebody else's turn to make a move instead of blaming...

 

[CTB Dream]

rly afrd all hpn disapre me disapr

 

[sukiduki]

i feel a lot of conflicting feelings. i wanna be grateful and thankful for the things i do have, but i feel a lot of pain and also don't have certain things that i think others take for granted. idk what to do. i feel so lost and so disconnected. i wanna feel heard, i wanna connect. i wanna disappear. i feel like i have to hold on for arbritrary reasons. idk when to fully pull the trigger

 

[Electra]

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I want it to stop. I also can tell I'm being too hard on myself. Wanna stop that as well.

 

[GlassMoon]

Anxiety, deep, from within, like a demon lurking in the shadows. Searching for safety. Shaken by every sound from outside of my room.

 

[MillieXIO]

This world is so scary and cold. Everyone hates everyone else and crimes and atrocities occur everyday. Ever since my friend died, I just don't understand the reason for being alive. Horrible things happen to the most gentle, loving people. Unsuspecting high school graduates can become victims of violent, hateful, senseless crimes. The world is so divided by borders and ideals. People, throughout all of history, have killed others because of things like... Differences in religion.
I just don't get it. I recently watched Madoka Magica. I think, in any of their places, I would wish for the end of intelligent life.
I just think this world is so scary.

 

[TheHolySword]

i confessed my feelings for you one year ago today. i miss your voice and your laugh, your softness and kindness, your warmth and your heart. i destroyed everything and now im here, so i could be here. and you wouldn't have to see. it won't be long now. but i'm still thinking of you.

 

[CTB Dream]

rly no know wat do new yr time mov mov no psbl do any

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I'm lost and alone , it's been a year since my ex boyfriend ctb. My mind isn't what it was and I'm drowning in the memories of what once was.

 

[webb&flow]

I feel disappointed and frustrated. Also I feel like I letdown some people. I got sick right on the day of New Years. And there was some plans made, now it all goes down. I could see it as some kind of a sign, but honestly, I just feel sad.

I'm sorry to hear that. Know it's not a sign, sometimes bad things happen and it feels bad, and that's ok.

Please take all the time you need to rest and take care of yourself through this period of sadness.

Your plans may not have worked now, but they can work out in the future.

There is no greater explanation to your plans or feelings being down; sometimes bad things happen, and things don't go as planned. But that's part of life, too, and there can be good occurrences after the bad ones.

Best of luck. Remember that one day, maybe you'll just randomly remember the pain you are currently in right now and think "huh, that sure was bad then, but it's not so bad anymore."

Know your pain can pass; and one day or a week is just one small piece of a whole new year. Hope you get well soon :) and hope you keep well in your current sadness.

...

There are times we feel like a hollow shell and even good things seem to be poisoned. We just survive those times. We take distractions and little joys to get through that depression. [ ... ] Music helps as well. Catharsis helps. [...] Art helps.

We really need both to value things we take for granted and also to have a tiny bit of hope for what's to come. [...] Only you can find your reasons to live there are worth it to you, things that make each day worth it. I'm still trying to figure out my own. It's hard and it's a process and you take it a bit at a time. I hope you find what you need to and that you take care of yourself. [...]

—u/justice4winnie

 

[thinkingofdeath]

Sad, anxious, heavy, fearful. Trying to sleep it off but I know I'm going to wake up in a few hours feeling tender, with the pain intensified.

 

[Electra]

Overwhelmed, anxious, uneasy. Don't know what to do. Feel like something is swallowing me whole.

 

[Lullaby]

I'm so freaking embarrassed. I don't want to be too specific about this, but I tried putting myself out there and really just failed spectacularly.

I shouldn't have even bothered to begin with, but I did, and it just sucks so much watching others get what you hoped would happen to you. I just feel so humiliated.

Can't wait to get off this stupid rock.

 

[SA1994EC]

l can't believe I am still here alive. Everything in the universe has been telling me I should have died a very long time ago. And I am getting more and more suffering every day. I need to get ready & kill myself now. Too painful…

 

[roboteulogy]

i'm scared i won't get better. i haven't gotten better despite things changing. i'm terrified of the future. i feel like it's only going to get worse.

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

I feel absurd knowing I need to go against s prevention in order to achieve peace. It feels cruel
and unusual

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Low. Confused. Slightly angry... irritated?

Considering how certain people talk about me I must be a monster.

 

[Lullaby]

So, before my ECT sessions start, I have these brief check ins with my doctor.

This morning, I was just really honest and mentioned I haven't been doing much because my ideation has been so horrible. I'm really trying my best, but it's hard when you're constantly thinking about wanting to die 24/7 throughout the day…

I'll be in a car hoping it'll crash, or out walking and hoping one will just hit me. I feel like that's no way for anyone to live, it sucks.

But he thinks it's not a big deal — as long as i'm not planning anything, I just need to push through it and it's so frustrating to hear that. I literally wanted to cry.

He wants me to deal with that, all while trying to apply to vet school…

Maybe I am making excuses for myself, I'm not sure. If I really wanted to die, I guess I would've done it by now. Most of my close friends on here are gone.

It's just hard to do these things when you've lost all the drive to live. Every time I fight back, I get kicked down and I'm exhausted.

Anyways, hope everyone on here is hanging on the best they can