Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[narval]

every day I am more convinced that I am a walking failure without future

 

[Deleted member 8579]

I feel as if I'm one of those 17th century noblemen who spent all day reading poetry and composing music, but couldn't even properly dress themselves on their own, only without the social prestige and vast fortune that came with it.

 

[Makko]

I feel as if I'm one of those 17th century noblemen who spent all day reading poetry and composing music, but couldn't even properly dress themselves on their own, only without the social prestige and vast fortune that came with it.

No, that's perfectly consistent. You'd just be that artistic 6th son politically outmaneuvered by your more worldly brothers and cast out into the world with nothing but a flute and an inkwell to your name. Romance!

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I wanna fucking smash my ipad to bits. I wanna destroy my monitor and computer and everything. I wanna be a wrecking ball and wood chipper combined and destroy everything around me.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

You'd just be that artistic 6th son politically outmaneuvered by your more worldly brothers and cast out into the world with nothing but a flute and an inkwell to your name.

Something like that would at least give me the final push I need to do it.

Romance!

Not if I can help it.

 

[Makko]

Something like that would at least give me the final push I need to do it.

Not if I can help it.

I keep imagining you as this dispossessed medieval noble turned into a grumpy troubadour.

 

[iamthewalrus]

feel really.. i dont know. tried
to hang myself just now. it didnt work. gotta love survival instinct. shouldve jumped off a building instead but im too tired to get up and walk

 

[Deleted member 8579]

I keep imagining you as this dispossessed medieval noble turned into a grumpy troubadour.

They even took my bow!

 

[netrezven]

Had good intentions and did good for me, but bad as sociaty would call it. Just happen to found a stupid wallet on the street. 2 reasons to take it - it might have documents so i can return it back, or it could have big amount of cash. Wee no documents and no cash (like 10 eur), just a debit card from other country and fitnes card. No id's. So i trow it away.
I really had to think into bringing it to the police station, but in that case will waste 30 min into writing how i found it, protocols and so on. And it's firday night. If i don't write anything, they know me anyway and will call me during working time next week, so will waste 2 hous with that.
I do feel some kind of sorry, cause in normal situation in a normal place, leaving it at police and walk away should be no problem. But not here. So i don't feel sorry about that guy, cause i won't give him some hours of my life for 10eur.
And if that guy lies and says he had like 5000eur because of some insurance, will get into more time waste, and really bad for him.
I konw it's silly, but the criminal in me says - never happened.

 

[motel rooms]

View attachment 74864
They even took my bow!

@Makko I see him in a monastery, zealously correcting other monks' spelling, punctuation & capitalization in the scriptorium by day, and silently raging about their ungodly sodomite ways in his draughty cell by night.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Cold. The heating doesn't work yet. Other than that slightly anxious and moderately miserable.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

I see him in a monastery, zealously correcting other monks' spelling, punctuation & capitalization in the scriptorium by day

Why did this lecherous idiot have to depict the bosom of Eve so lifelike? He could give someone a heart-attack!

and silently raging about their ungodly sodomite ways in his draughty cell by night.

I'd sleep like the infant Jesus in his manger if it weren't for those pesky apparitions of saints keeping me up all night!

 

[Simba]

Upset ,feel like im messing everything up ,friendships and everything ,not needed ,now im starting being shitty to my family too ,im upset i cant get anything right.. maybe im only meant to just suffer on the planet.. i cant get friendships right if i ever do but i wont ,i spoke about hackers and hitmans and i feel really bad about whole things and the fixers are painting us more in bad light and its all cause of me and its making me feel shit and small small small like someone can just squish me or something and thatll be the end of me .. i feel like i hurt others some people i dont know anymore im meaningless im nothing im nothing im sad like depressive state feel it all over me and wont go away and its all cause of me everythings my fault everything's my fault now just better off go somewhere and just starve to death or something go to some place that isnt inhabited by humans and just leave leave im sad idk anymore i dont know peoples reactions beforehand and im left to think of worst cases scenario i feel really bad now cause i made the forum look bad bitter sad

 

[Lauralyn]

Slightly irritated. I've nothing against making someone feel better but its lying at my expense too.

 

[SleepDealer]

I hate people who think they love me after a few days of talking.
Stop with all of the unasked for advice, stop with the monologues, stop.
For someone who supposedly cares so much, you're grossly self centered.
Does a good person really need to monologue about what a good person they are?
Does someone who cares really spend hours talking about themselves and their feelings?
Would someone who understands really be so oblivious to how uncomfortable they make me?
Would someone who accepts me really waste so much time trying to save me with shallow advice?
You don't know me. Go ahead and fool yourself but you can't fool me.

I almost wish I could fall in love again, but it seems I'm not attractive to the kind of guys I like...

I'm starting to understand why some people prefer the company of dolls and robots.

 

[cobain]

like shit

 

[JFED]

It's going to happen

 

[clown_17]

Hollow, absolutely hollow. I was paranoid earlier and dissociated too. Now I'm just tipsy but it doesn't feel much better.

 

[ratpudding]

Emotionally, neutral. Not really empty in particular but not much else.
Physically, I'm so hungry, but I'm not allowing myself to eat yet. I have to wait until it's unbearable or I feel like I'm going to pass out then I can eat something. But I only get that lightheadedness when I stand up so I'm laying down as long as possible to avoid facing it and having to eat

 

[Seaghost]

Betrayed and lost...:(

 

[deletednumber]

I would like a real hug from a person that really cares about me...

 

[Deleted member 8579]

My brain is my greatest enemy. I am mentally destroying myself. Thinking about the future makes me angry. Thinking about the present makes me angry. Thinking makes me angry. I am too stupid to stop thinking. It is tempting to set myself up for failure in such spectacular fashion that I'll have no choice but to kill myself. One must remove choice from the equation. Suicide must be inevitable. I have no patience to wait for death. If he doesn't want to come, I have to force him to. But how could I force him to do anything? I can't even force myself to do anything. I am too weak, but not weak enough. Too strong, but not strong enough. Too stupid, but not stupid enough. Too intelligent, but not intelligent enough. I am not enough, yet I am too much. Too much of a burden, too much of a fool, too much of a failure. A perversion of my own mind's creation and a creation of my own mind's perversion. It is all in the mind, but not for long, because my mind is greedily devouring itself, and it enjoys its meal to the fullest. There is a certain joy in failing in a way one predicted, in tripping over a chord one has stretched oneself, that no success can imitate. Failure absolves one of the burden of success, but success does not absolve one of the burden of failure. And yet we all chase success. But how could I try to succeed when I can't even succeed to try? How could I succeed to try when I don't even try? Why don't I try? Because my brain is my greatest enemy, and it's winning.

 

[wannabesetfree]

I'm torn. The only thing that is keeping me alive is my story that I want to finish before I die but I have doubts that I'll be able to. The only thing that I want to accomplish is getting all of the stories stuck in my head finished and published somewhere. That's all I want to do an nothing else but I can't. I wish I could just live off the grid somewhere where there's nothing but me and my computer and where I didn't have to worry about money so I can dedicate an entire year or two to finishing everything up before I ctb. I know no one would ever read them, but at least I would have them done.

Instead, I'm just existing. Have thousands of dollars in debt thanks to student loans, I barely make ends meet, I have a lot of physical and mental health problems, I work a job that I absolutely despise, and every single hour of every day is a total struggle.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Cold and gasping for air

 

[iamthewalrus]

feeling very anxious again. i just wish it could stop already. i wish guns are easy to get so i could shoot myself already i dont want to feel this way anymore

 

[sick.faery]

hungover, sick, tired, hurt

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

Hmmm I am feeling angry. About myself. My university is starting and I'm anxious about it. I don't know what I'm going to do in my life. I'm confused. My parents keep gaslighting me and my trauma doesn't allow me to socialize with people and everytime I text somebody I feel like I'm disturbing them. I have a gut feeling that I'll never be able to have healthy relationships even after I immigrate. If I couldn't what I want within the next 5 years....Catching the bus is the only option left for me.

 

[Cannedbones]

I'm in constant panic mode. I'm struggling to get out of my bed and my room. I don't even feel safe behind that closed door anymore. I'm really tempted to do something I might regret, only because I wouldn't be dead. I can't stop thinking. I keep procrastinating. I'm such a disappointment. I have a way out yet I'm not able to fully go on with partial. I just want to disappear

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I keep hurting people…… I'm hopeless……. Death and hell are the only thing I deserve.

 

[Leech]

Really fucking shitty and lonely. I am living with my mom because I'm an artist and so basically condemning myself to being broke for life. My mom is fucking psychotic and she blames me for fucking everything and berated me as I grew up to the point of me developing a binge eating disorder. I have untreated undiagnosed mental illness because my mom never believed me as I was growing up that I had issues, now I'm too anxious to bring them up to my doctor. She allowed me to get sexually, mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by a 22 year old man in her house for 2 years starting from when I was 14. I fucking loathe this woman and I wish I could get out of here. I want nothing more in life than to live with someone I love, someone I can come home to every day who will hold me, love me, and comfort me. Someone who will support me in my endeavours, someone who will be my protector. But that'll never happen. I'm physically undesirable and I only ever attract people online because they can't see my full body. This unfortunately means that I tend to fall in love with people so far away that it doesn't even matter because they can't provide me with the life I want. At this point I don't even know why I bother. I will never amount to anything for anyone.