I haven't spoken with anyone by myself, face to face, in one to one fashion for at least 16/17 years. We exchanged long messages on reddit after this person reached out to me on there and eventually we spoke with each other on Skype face to face. It was a pretty tough thing to do, considering how anxiety inducing the whole thing felt at first, but somehow it didn't go all that badly, and in fact went pretty well. However, the other person I was talking to had a lot of issues herself and eventually it became this thing where I was talking to her literally everyday for 4+ unbroken hours. I kept saying it was fine and that it was no trouble to me, but actually it was super fucking exhausting and I just kept telling her what she wanted to hear to the point it felt like a literal 9-5 job to talk to her. Anyway, eventually I had to tell her that this wasn't going to work and that it was wearing me down too much and, although I didn't tell her this last bit, how I'd honestly rather just go back to being alone.
So yeah, I guess this was a pretty terrible experience in its own right, but it really soured me on the possibility for human interaction and I doubt I'll ever make another go at it ever again. For what it's worth, this person was extremely nice and understanding and they showed me a lot of compassion, but they were also very clingy and overbearing in their own way. It didn't help how they had kind of a sensitive spot for being on time, so that even if I were like 10-20 minutes late, or whatever, they'd be noticeably triggered/irritated. It also didn't help that I tend to oversleep and have been notoriously late for everything in my life, so yeah. I'd say that was a huge hurdle to contend with as well when it came to all this. But again, we shared a lot of resonance on a great many things and for a time it was really nice to talk to them, but the fact that they wanted to talk every single day for such great lengths of time, and also expected a couple texts afterwards, just totally had me drained to the bone. It really sucks that they couldn't have been more chill when it came to this stuff because I really could've seen us being good friends, but as it is the thought of ever talking to them again just kind of nauseates me, frankly.
Me though, I'm way too lazy and should've been more upfront about boundaries early on, instead of pretending that everything was okay. Well, either way, I have no friends and am basically alone forever. After all this happening, maybe that's for the best. It's taught me a lot in that sense, especially as someone who's never had a friend, or this kind of human connection before, which for other people is relatively normal, since almost everyone tends to have at least one or a couple friends, whereas I have none.
