Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[whatsmynameagain2]

My heart weeps Its all my fault at the end of the day I can't feel good things without the nose intense of guilt at least right now I am warm but I know the world is endinf

 

[cryone]

I don't think I belong here. This world doesn't feel right--even my family feels 2d. but my current stance is that i'd still rather live b/c I've been on the road towards recovery. but b/c of my road to recovery, I've become afraid of the passage of time for the first time. the irony in how I begged for life to pass quickly or terminate abruptly, only for current me to mourn the time I wasted & panic about weeks turning into months. i feel like I'm on autopilot in an absurd world.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a good mood right now since I finally found the pendant from the necklace my dad gave me on my last birthday. I lost it months ago, so it was a surprise when I found it on my chair, underneath all my shit. Now It's back where it belongs.

Edit: Now I'm in a great mood because The Garden is doing a Reddit AMA tomorrow!

 

[.twilight.girl.]

I feel very guilty for not being enough, doing enough, being good enough for anyone around me. I am angry and want to do more but I never seem to find success. I drag people down. I want to be light and happy, not dreary and sorrowful.

 

[trashhologram]

I thought this site would be safe for me to vent at but nope, some bitch is laughing at my mental pain. I think I'll have to leave social media. I will come back to say my goodbye if I will CTB but I don't belong here. I hope that person has fun laughing at suicidal people.

 

[lemonbunny]

universe hates me

 

[HereTomorrow]

I feel like a burden to those around me. I take more than what I can contribute, I'm considered overwhelming to my friends and when I actually give them space they don't reach out to me. Well, except one person. I feel like I'm artificially continuing friendships and the minute I stop talking I am dead to them. When will someone care about me in real life? I don't want to say I want someone to be a 24/7 pseudo-caretaker/friend, but I stopped talking to my friends for a month and they're all talking about how they're so happy and posting on social media "Times are tough, remember to text a friend to see how they're doing" while not reaching out to me, a kinda funny irony. Even just once a week "Hey just catching up with you on life anything going on?" would be enough. I'm alone and I hate it. I keep trying to make friends but everyone already has their established friend groups in their 20s so why should I intrude that?

My existence is nothing short of a burden. I don't get why I keep going sometimes. The only people who would notice I'm gone is my workplace.

 

[limerance1]

Life is hard . My brain can hardly function and I'm supposed to lead meetings? I can't do it anymore. Brainrot is real, and it's shameful to be like this in front of everyone. I want to quit this exhausting ass job but what is on the other side of that?

 

[CatLvr]

The weather is unseasonably spectacular here today. So, I have all the windows and doors open airing out the house. I have done all the things I had been putting off and am sitting here with 2 snoring dogs, one on each side of me, waiting until it's time to fix dinner. Even though my old man is in a foul mood (so what else is new) it has been a good day. I think I'll fix dinner and then settle in with my new magazine about the history of witchcraft and a nice alcoholic drink until I'm sleepy and then go to bed early tonight. I wish every day was this good.

 

[wondering&wandering]

Literally sick. Also emotional.

I feel like I'm trying to get better, but it's not working. Maybe I should refocus again on my Christian faith? I feel like it's wrong to be a Christian in the world, but feel it's wrong to not be one in my home.

I just want to feel better. If I can't make internet/irl friends, then maybe I should use my time serving the community like I used to. I like helping people.

I want to stay here but want to leave. Every step or lack of step feels emotionally painful.

 

[PinkFlower]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I just want to die. Now. I'm thinking to be horrible and impulsive and just do it with the first thing I can find, and let everybody mad and disappointed

 

[Punpun Onodera]

I feel lonely, tired, and just confused. I just want to sleep forever

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Bored af .
These fkin days are so longer

 

[stimulation]

I feel extremely both mentally and physically unwell after a traumatic one month closed psych ward experience.

 

[uselessflesh]

can the heat death of the universe happen now

 

[trashhologram]

Why do people online have to be so mean to each other? Today not one, not two, but THREE people have made me feel like shit because of who I am. I guess I can't exist online anymore. I hate 99,9999999999999999% of people. I wish the world would end already.

 

[HereTomorrow]

It may be a placebo but since I took marijuana I stopped having freakouts and emotional overwhelms for a few days now. It's a comfortable kind of uncomfortable. Stressful situations don't feel as stressful. Things that remind me of my past I shrug off within seconds.

I know this is temporary, and it'll come back after a few more days, but now I seriously question if I have PTSD since there are many studies observing how weed helps people with PTSD. Or even just trauma in general. I'd like to know from another source one day, at least.

 

[crayonscrayons]

Spoiler

It's not normal to want to kill myself? That means I'm mentally ill? That I need medication? That I need therapy? I need help? Not normal to become underweight on purpose? To use sh as the only thing to clear my mind enough to accomplish a simple daily task? To have visions in my head? To hear voices? To see things that aren't there? To stay up in order to be tired enough to sleep? To feel like I don't deserve to shower? Therapists and doctors, please don't fix my ED. Please don't. I told you about it finally as I am a healthy weight now, but please stop. Don't fix my ED. Not my ED. I need it. I need it. I say I don't, I do. I need it.

I only want medication when I'm depressed and want to kill myself. When I'm manic and want to do experiments on myself I get scared of meds because I think they'll "brainwash" into being too normal. I need to be sectioned.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Starting to feel like that line so many of us say about wanting to CTB before something prevents us from it. I just want it to end anyway. But lately, I am freaking out that I am getting some sort of disease that's just gonna make everything worse. My hands shake which my psychiatrist said could be due to a new medicine, but I don't know if the timing is right. Every time I bend over and stand back up, I'm dizzy. My balance is so off. Maybe it's because of lack of exercise and agility, but I am really starting to get nervous that like I won't even be able to shower and I have OCD that would make me completely freak out if that happened.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I spend at least 3/4 of my day with headphones on. At least I don't hear those "voices"

 

[CTB Dream]

Wat do this lif all trap all nonsns all pain sffr

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I'm actually scared about falling asleep every nights

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly no know wat do me out spacetime

 

[HereTomorrow]

It may be a placebo but since I took marijuana I stopped having freakouts and emotional overwhelms for a few days now. It's a comfortable kind of uncomfortable. Stressful situations don't feel as stressful. Things that remind me of my past I shrug off within seconds.

I know this is temporary, and it'll come back after a few more days, but now I seriously question if I have PTSD since there are many studies observing how weed helps people with PTSD. Or even just trauma in general. I'd like to know from another source one day, at least.

I'm somewhat terrified in a good way. Placebo or not I am unusually okay. I am so used to breaking down and being chronically suicidial that anything more than a day of relief terrifies me, like there's a threat upcoming or something much, much, worse coming upon. When you're in pain for so long, anything positive immediately becomes uncomfortable and suspicious. I'm literally doing okay and I'm happy but very uncomfortable and on edge to protect it.

 

[sick.faery]

i feel depressed, old and hopeless. my life sucks so bad, i can't enjoy anything, every day is lowkey torture. i really need to grow some balls asap before my bday and unalive myself. i never want to be 24

 

[szk]

I feel like my heart is going to explode and shatter into multiple, unrecognizable pieces. Like a mirror without a stand, a mask with no string, it's all broken. Everything is falling apart, though I can't let it. I need to get everything solved and sorted out.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I'm curious about what he's doing everyday

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Well, I just tried to be slightly helpful to a couple of members. Some days I have it in me and some days I don't. When I do, I feel like a hypocrite.

On a personal level I woke up way too early because I go to bed way too early. The only good thing about it today is that it's laundry day and I prefer to do it in the middle of the night anyway with no one around. Yet another chore in life to despise.But that shaking in my hands that I've mentioned in a couple of post lately seems worse today. I noticed it even when I hit the buttons on the washing machine.
I feel like this would have been even longer if I had vented a few hours ago. For some reason right now, I feel awake and just hungry lol

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I'm here at my job and nothing really makes sense. A friend died yesterday from an accident and she seemed very happy - so feels so unfair to be alive, since I hate my life.

A lot of friends posting on social media how they loved her and I was wondering if they told then this while she was still alive… which got me thinking I still miss my ex so much but will never tell her that. I feel like in a very lonely state of mind.

 

[fleetingnight]

Sick of waking up in pain