Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Life_and_Death]

god people! a friend (one i havent talked about nor exactly count) made a post on fb. one of those stupid MH awareness things "repost to support" or whatever....
hypocritical much?? you got pissed off at me because i wasnt messaging your wife (my friend, its a couple friend thing) when the reason i wasnt messaging her WAS DUE TO LITERALLY CRIPPLING ANXIETY!!!!!
according to my husband he apparently said sorry once he realized why i wasnt messaging.
but 1) your wife hasnt messaged me either, but im the fucking wrong one
2) you havent checked on me even though its a well known fact, im not ok.
maybe instead of a public post, try a more personal "are you ok" and then maybe us suicidal people would actually believe you give a shit.
LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME I CARE I CARE. oh you have a problem..... how can you honestly say you care when you dont act on caring. ive bought food for homeless people before, maybe i should get a HUGE flag made up stating it and waving it around. at least im not just waving a flag and actually did it though

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Absolutely crippling insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. I wonder why good people die pointlessly and my useless ass is still here.

 

[Life_and_Death]

when someone doesnt know you
"how was your day"
"not too bad, typical i guess" (i had nerve pain in both of my legs to the point that walking became difficult. im feeling alone/not very loved and i dont want to talk to my SO about it because i feel bad enough. i want to kms.. i plan on cutting, drinking and indulging in my addiction some more after my husband falls asleep)
their response "better than a bad day"
if thats my good day then bad days scare me......

 

[Dead Horse]

It seems that there are no other people like me. I'm not gatekeeping suffering and everyone suffers for their own reasons, but I feel so alone in all this. Many people have problems, many have serious ones, but almost no one is the pathetic, useless, aimless loser that I am. Most people still function somewhat. I can't do anything. I have lost so many years doing nothing, and it's getting worse and worse. If there was some uselessness award, I'd be a serious contestant. Maybe mental health problems did this to me, but that doesn't change the fact. There is no point anymore. I should have stopped existing long ago. But I must keep breathing at least, if for no other reason, for the sake of my parents. Fuck, I hate this awful life.

 

[myfinalform]

i hope my mom dies shes the one to blame why im fucked in the head as i was following the plan of god, she mocked me, got me even more fucked up

 

[StolenLife]

I'm being insulted and creeped on in the psych ward and will lose a whole year to "treatment" most likely. Fuck.

 

[waitingforrest]

Just feeling disappointed in myself. That is all. No sadness, or anger, just disappointment. And somehow, that feels worse in a way. It's like feeling like you deserve a punishment, but never getting it. Just forever stuck in anticipation.

Out of all the things I could have become, I've become this. Out of all the times I could have become better, I didn't.

Even on days where I feel somewhat okay.
There's something that asks myself, "how long do you think you can keep deluding yourself like that?"

And I don't know. I don't think I ever will. I'll die a stranger to myself. Hating everything I was and ever will be.
Because maybe, I wasn't meant for this world.

 

[Pubert]

I just want to disappear and forget the world around me. I want people to forget about me so that I can leave without hurting anyone. The fact that my family will be devastated if I ctb is the only reason I'm still here because I don't want to hurt them more than I have already.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Can life please get off my ass for a little bit? Please?! Like ffs, let the potato rest for 5 minutes, I need to process my emotional breakdown.
So. Damn. Tired.

 

[squidhead]

Deeply sad and broken.
Everyone seems to want an exciting life filled with adventure and constantly striving for the next best thing seemingly never satisfied with what they currently have. I`ve always wanted the boring standard life: school, find a partner, no kids though and then just work and occasionally take trips/vacations. That was and is enough for me.
But what do you know, I wasn`t even able to do that. To achieve the bare minimum people take for granted.
I wish I would`ve experienced this seemingly core part of being human that is having a relationship. Cuddling, being held by someone else, kissing, just knowing someone desires you and wants to spend their time with you and share their life as well. I think I had a lot of love to give, I would have loved to support someone else, cook for them, read to them, make them feel special and so on, but it was never in the cards for me.
Oh well, that ship has sailed, not blaming anyone btw. Just really wish I would`ve experienced that just once before CTB.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I just don't know anymore.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i wish i had an easy to get drug...weeds no wheres near what im looking for. i want to blackout...idc anymore..

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I wish I was dead.

 

[friendofbirds]

i miss my mom

 

[Hirokami]

Yep, I'm avoiding people for a while. If could get away with it, I'd live far away from society. I just can't handle people right now as all they tend to do is hurt me.

 

[leeloosnow]

people are fucked up and it's another empty fkn bottle. so done w/everything

 

[Life_and_Death]

im feeling like shit. my brother asked me 3 times "how are you" in the past 1-2 weeks (2 hows it going and 1 hows thanksgiving). as far as he knows i havent read them. i feel horrible i want to but how? "thanksgiving was just grand. i didnt have it because im in an abusive house ive been trying to leave and celebrating holidays isnt really what i want to do with him." how are you "i have a noose and have been debating on using it everyday" my life is just fucking grand. if he was an adult and we were on closer terms, yeah id truthfully answer him. but hes like 12. umm....no? you dont tell your 12yo brother that you havent seen in years that you want to kys. soo ive just left it unread......

normal people really have no idea how difficult normal things are to people struggling. i cant even answer a basic "how are you"

 

[GrumpyFrog]

The past few days are getting incrementally shittier and holy crap I am not doing well at all. I feel like I am on a verge of just doing something monumentally stupid, painful and unreliable for a suicide attempt just because can't take it need to go now. I am holding myself back, but it is getting hard. I hate everything so much.

 

[Lullaby]

I don't really have a place in this world. I really feel like a mistake and I shouldn't be here. I know I don't matter to anyone, and I wish I could just go so I wouldn't have to be a burden on people anymore.

Really wish CTBing was as easy as it sounds. I feel completely alone and unwanted, and yet it's so hard for me to leave.

 

[CTB Dream]

This real hard feel lost every all day lose repeat see deteriorating no sble ctb thing keep worse ,not know what do feel trap no out

 

[outatime_85]

I have no redeemable qualities, and if anyone tries to get close to me, they lose interest as I keep the conversation one-sided with limited answers.

I constantly wonder if my life, which is filled with isolation and nonexistent social skills, no proper life skills, is taking me further into the abyss.

 

[akirat9]

like i let my team members down, who not know any of my pain and suicide at all
A lot of them too have grown with the game. but i am think of way to not be left in the dark at the very least. at least i tried.

no one realizes just how much means to me and how much it hurts me knowing i will die so fast leaving it all behind.

 

[Life_and_Death]

my music is f'ed up again? any guesses why because its the same damn reason as last time. yep, my "computer able" husband messed it up. he cant even figure out VLC and constantly switches back and forth between "i know.." and "i dont.." fuck off. you are a huge problem in my life. and not to fucking mention im starting to question what this entire relationship was because i can do absolutely nothing and youre starting sexual things with me. but im fucking still stuck here....i just want everything to stop....
"im going to kill myself if i stay here"....im not joking, its literally driving me insane. that post i made 'bpd and everyone' the "uncomfortable intrusive thoughts", thats you. im literally watching my mental state in a constant decline, because of you. because im still here

if thats my good day then bad days scare me......

the irony considering the following days only got worse and i got sick

anyway the reason i came back...i just want my music....... hes doing things im not interested in and i have nothing to do instead. at least i still had my music last night. all you had to do was put a bar back. you didnt even have to, i was just upset it was gone. didnt ask you to fix it. i literally want to cry. "ill try to do it" i cant do it. literally looking at my laptop just about in tears because i cant access my music. because now when i open it, i have access to nothing. it just opens the video part not the list part and i want/need the list part. at least i think i need the list part to add music, i have no idea. and google isnt helping. i have no idea what im looking for. im probably better off jst uninstalling and reinstalling because at least theres tutorials i can follow from the start. fuck computers i fucking hate them. and my SO and his friends are legit "computer people". they understand me not fitting in, but it suck. computers make me want to kms. everything makes me want to kms.

 

[jjwtn26]

Boredom and dread. I've been doing nothing but browsing this forum and a couple other websites for the last few hours. I feel dread because I have to get up and go to my job in the morning. Also I feel fat because I have 20 pounds that I have been trying to lose for about 5 years and I have eaten a ton of sweets this weekend.

 

[Zegers]

I've been feeling a bit paranoid lately, again. it's also xmas soon and that time of year is so difficult for my emotional state.

 

[chronicrexie]

empty. empty and completely drained of all feelings, i am so lonely. i have never felt loneliness quite like this, every day i wake up and am reminded i have no one. no one ever has or ever will love me. it's a painful, pointless existence.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Slipped down the stairs and my family just brushed it off.

Do you guys want me to live or not?

 

[TriedAndLost]

I hate to to go to work and face social anxiety everyday. I force myself and it doesnt get any better. This is my life now. Im losing people around me and I just wanna leave

 

[Hirokami]

Losing my mind. Stuck. It all feels like a blur. This nightmare needs to end now. I thought things were going well but it is not. I feel disconnected. Bad.

 

[StolenLife]

Fuck psych wards. Infinite boredom makes me almost want to live.
Ah, the irony of browsing a pro suicide forum in a psych ward...