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lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
Ohh, I unfortunately can no longer listen to music.

Oh that's interesting for me I have to listen to music constantly.

But when I have too much energy and get too manic that's when I can't listen to music at all because then I get really lost with the music and it's too intense for me to handle.
 
onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,329
Oh that's interesting for me I have to listen to music constantly.

But when I have too much energy and get too manic that's when I can't listen to music at all because then I get really lost with the music and it's too intense for me to handle.
It's not that I don't like listening to music. When I was well I listened to music every day and several times a day. And first thing in the morning. But I realized that I can only listen to music when I am well. I haven't listened to a single song in months. If I listened to music now I would listen to sad songs and I would get more depressed.
 
lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
It's not that I don't like listening to music. When I was well I listened to music every day and several times a day. And first thing in the morning. But I realized that I can only listen to music when I am well. I haven't listened to a single song in months. If I listened to music now I would listen to sad songs and I would get more depressed.

I see yes it can be difficult to listen to music when very depressed. I think I try to constantly play it to avoid it but sometimes it gets really painful that I can't take it and it feels like pointless noise. Almost like it's forcing me to feel joy but it makes me feel even more sad the idea that I know there is joy in this world supposedly per the way the music looks and feels but I don't have it.

The last two weeks I wasn't able to play as much.
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,919
Reflection.

Which is quite fucking pointless, counterproductive, and outright unhealthy.


I am a blob.

Blob of uselessness, depression, hatred, grief, frustration, poor choices, bad circumstances, lack of self esteem, and unnecessary internalized turmoil that repeats like a store soundtrack.

It is the most fucking pointless thing in the world.

I am fucking depressed.

I wish I could have had a better outcome, decision making process, relatives, and the support that I needed in the years that it was most crucial to my development.

It is not fun, it is not funny, it is not a joke, it is a life destroyed that went on and destroyed others.

It is a painful reality of what happened and how it happened, what led to it, "solidified" it, and molded it to be stuck this way.
 
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Reactions: onlyanimalsaregood
onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,329
Reflection.

Which is quite fucking pointless, counterproductive, and outright unhealthy.


I am a blob.

Blob of uselessness, depression, hatred, grief, frustration, poor choices, bad circumstances, lack of self esteem, and unnecessary internalized turmoil that repeats like a store soundtrack.

It is the most fucking pointless thing in the world.

I am fucking depressed.

I wish I could have had a better outcome, decision making process, relatives, and the support that I needed in the years that it was most crucial to my development.

It is not fun, it is not funny, it is not a joke, it is a life destroyed that went on and destroyed others.

It is a painful reality of what happened and how it happened, what led to it, "solidified" it, and molded it to be stuck this way.
I'm so sorry. I understand you. Life is really unfair and hard. Feel free to PM me anytime.
 
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Reactions: stellabelle
ClownMe

ClownMe

Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
Apr 7, 2021
20,561
Browsing SS while my dog snores next to me on the bed.
 
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Reactions: Cathy Ames and onlyanimalsaregood

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