Venting We're all so young on this forum. It's just so sad.

[ShatteredReality]

Or, better, would someone be kind enough to direct me to the list that explains abbreviations, please?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/acronyms-on-here-for-new-users.6031/

 

[Shadowplay]

Wow, that is young. I'm sad for you in your long struggle. I only remember hating myself and life at that age.

Okay, I'm embarrassed to ask this because it's off topic, but I've looked all through the rules and FAQ's again (which I have read) and cannot find the list I swear I saw that explained all the short-hand. What does CBT stand for. Or, better, would someone be kind enough to direct me to the list that explains abbreviations, please?

Sorry it is late so my brain not functioning - I think you mean CTB. Catch the bus. That means to go ahead and do it.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Thank you my dear!! I'm suffering from very bad joint and muscle pain - doctor's can't help me. It happened after I got depression and anxiety, then I couldn't sleep well for many days. Now, I sleep but it doesn't feel like sleep. I don't know how I can continue living - when the world opens up soon, it'll be hard for me to go travel to work. Without any good sleep, my brain feels like it cannot function. For now, thankfully, I can hide working from home.

Going on disability in the US is very difficult - almost impossible. I have no one else to rely on but my old parents. They rely on me for financial support too. The only man I loved - I thought I could rely on him but no.

I agree. It's the only safe space where I can express my thoughts. Ironically, this place has prolonged my life - all these methods, yes I want to die but I'm also scared. I wish I could make it far like you did in life! I never expected myself to physically and mentally decline so fast. It happened so fast.

Just goes to show you depression/anxiety/insomnia/physical pain doesn't discriminate anyone - the young and old, the poor and the rich, the haves and have nots. I only wish I have the courage one day to CTB.

So basically depression caused this muscle and joint pains???
And no sleeping pills can help you? Your situation is quite dire….. What about your family? Friends?

 

[dyingalone123]

So basically depression caused this muscle and joint pains???
And no sleeping pills can help you? Your situation is quite dire….. What about your family? Friends?

Yes lack of sleep led a decline in my body. I don't know why but I wake up every morning in pain mental and physical.
I can sleep at times but the sleep is bad. It feels like no sleep or very light sleep. I tried taking a nap but I woke up with mental pain.

sleeping pills haven't helped me.

at times I feel fine and my SI is strong - only reasons why I haven't ctb yet.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Sorry it is late so my brain not functioning - I think you mean CTB. Catch the bus. That means to go ahead and do it.

Oh! That is what I meant; thank you. I know there is a list somewhere as I remember seeing it when I went over the introduction and guidelines, but I can't find it now. Anyway, thank you. :)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/acronyms-on-here-for-new-users.6031/

Thank you so much! I'll bookmark this.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Yes lack of sleep led a decline in my body. I don't know why but I wake up every morning in pain mental and physical.
I can sleep at times but the sleep is bad. It feels like no sleep or very light sleep. I tried taking a nap but I woke up with mental pain.

sleeping pills haven't helped me.

at times I feel fine and my SI is strong - only reasons why I haven't ctb yet.

It sucks so much that there's nothing that can be done. It's the twenty first century, for crying out loud!!
I'm sorry it's happening to you.
My SI seems pretty strong as well…. It's not that easy for me to let go. So I understand.
what about your parents?
How are feeling today?

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Thank you for your kind words (assuming that was addressed to me - excuse me if it wasn't me lol).

CBT = cognitive behavioural therapy or cock and ball torture. Depends who you ask! :-P

They were meant for you. :) -- Yeah, I got my letters mixed up and actually meant CTB. Although, the other interpretation was enlightening. LOL

LOL I think I saw someone who is 65 around here so you're certainly not the oldest.

Oh, yay! :) A fellow... um, ooo, really struggling for a pc term here.

 

[dyingalone123]

It sucks so much that there's nothing that can be done. It's the twenty first century, for crying out loud!!
I'm sorry it's happening to you.
My SI seems pretty strong as well…. It's not that easy for me to let go. So I understand.
what about your parents?
How are feeling today?

My parents are here with me! I'm doing well at the moment. I cried waking up from a nap. Thank you for caring. It means a lot. I wish you were my sister. We could both ctb together someday.

 

[facel]

Wait! Don't go. I'm old too. :) It would be nice to have another person here around my age. (Not that I'm not enjoying the company, because I so completely am. :)

I'm mid 50s so happy to join the small cohort of oldies. Shame there are so many young people here - it's taken me many years of getting up and being kicked down again to think of ctb-ing.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

I'm mid 50s so happy to join the small cohort of oldies. Shame there are so many young people here - it's taken me many years of getting up and being kicked down again to think of ctb-ing.

So nice to see you here... um, well you know what I mean. LOL
My first attempt was at 17, but it was really more a cry for help.
I feel you though, I'm tired too. Just so freaking tired.

 

[lofticries]

I'm not that young, but I was fantasising about CTB when I was 5 or 6.

same but not really fantasizing about ctb more of fantasizing about the thought of sleeping and never waking up, disappearing, and thinking about my own funeral. When I was a kid I had a fixation about death and ceasing to exist which I guess manifested into full blown suicidal thoughts once my anxiety and depression got worse through age.

 

[AnonymousS]

I am 47 and things have been bad for many years, however i have a good plan and with some resolve i should be gone in the next few weeks. It is tragic though how much suffering there is in this world. It's a beautiful planet but society is awful.

 

[rationaltake]

I'm old now. I wanted to be dead when I was a kid. I think there are people whose lives just don't work out. And I'm one of those. I want a good death. By that I mean a planned calm certain death. Which could be mine if I happened to live in Belgium or The Netherlands. Life is arbitrary in so many ways.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Being young in 2021 is like being Jewish in Nazi Germany.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

I'm 18 and I think being young can make suicidal feelings even worse if you've not had any good parts in your life. If you've lived a short existence, have few commitments, poor life prospects and not done any of the good things in life suicide really seems like the logical decision. That's how I feel anyway.

 

[facel]

So nice to see you here... um, well you know what I mean. LOL
My first attempt was at 17, but it was really more a cry for help.
I feel you though, I'm tired too. Just so freaking tired.

LOL, yes, I do like dark humour-nice to see you here too!
Yes, I know what you mean about that extreme tiredness. At our age our bodies are well on the decline, but it's really the mental tiredness, the anhedonia (my new favourite word) and the hopelessness - we've seen it all so it's hard not to be cynical or apathetic.

 

[AnonymousS]

Being young in 2021 is like being Jewish in Nazi Germany.

I think you need to learn your history, what an ignorant comment.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I think you need to learn your history, what an ignorant comment.

I know all about ww1, tbh.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I'm 18 and I think being young can make suicidal feelings even worse if you've not had any good parts in your life. If you've lived a short existence, have few commitments, poor life prospects and not done any of the good things in life suicide really seems like the logical decision. That's how I feel anyway.

Absolutely. I'm in my early 30s and when I was growing up, things were already changing, I wasn't allowed to play outside without being supervised. Children now? Its so much worse. They can't turn their heads 90 degrees without being bombarded with politics. They have to define themselves as something so quickly. They can't just be stupid kids, not physically, not mentally. Guess what, stress is a real fast track to becoming suicidal, and when you don't even have childhood to be free from that? Yep. People will become suicidal faster and faster.

I first experienced suicidal thoughts at 8.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I'm old now. I wanted to be dead when I was a kid. I think there are people whose lives just don't work out. And I'm one of those. I want a good death. By that I mean a planned calm certain death. Which could be mine if I happened to live in Belgium or The Netherlands. Life is arbitrary in so many ways.

How old are you now and since what age are you suicidal? I want to know how long you can survive like that.

 

[ChaseBees]

I won't be here until 21.

 

[rationaltake]

How old are you now and since what age are you suicidal? I want to know how long you can survive like that.

I also wanted to be dead at the age of 8. I have reached my sixties. I would call it existing really. I used to suppress the bad side. I tried and tried to make a life. A manic overcompensation maybe. I convinced myself everything was wonderful. Until it fell apart again and again. Life can be amazing but not for a flawed person like me. I refuse to accept certain things I can never change. I cannot suppress them any more. Time to go.

 

[AnonymousS]

I also wanted to be dead at the age of 8. I would call it existing really. Far too many decades of it. I used to suppress the bad side. I tried and tried to make a life. A manic overcompensation maybe. I convinced myself everything was wonderful. Until it fell apart again and again. Life can be amazing but not for a flawed person like me. I refuse to accept certain things I can never change. I cannot suppress them any more. Time to go.

None of us are perfect though, i am not trying to talk you out of anything or to patronise. I have many flaws as do we all, but life seems to treat some of us far more harshly than others. I cannot relate to feeling suicidal at such a young age, it's tragic and indicative of there being something wrong with society.

 

[rationaltake]

Thank you for your kind comments. It seems to me that it is entirely arbitrary whether a human being encounters the good or bad sides of society. Particularly as a child. Some people are so damaged as children that they are never psychologically viable. You are absolutely right. I am a perfectionist.

None of us are perfect though, i am not trying to talk you out of anything or to patronise. I have many flaws as do we all, but life seems to treat some of us far more harshly than others. I cannot relate to feeling suicidal at such a young age, it's tragic and indicative of there being something wrong with society.

 

[AnonymousS]

Thank you for your kind comments. It seems to me that it is entirely arbitrary whether a human being encounters the good or bad sides of society. Particularly as a child. Some people are so damaged as children that they are never psychologically viable.

You're welcome, and i agree. My childhood was mostly good, but looking back at things after many years of depression and anxiety, i know it was frequently unstable and contributed to me not being as resilient as maybe i could of been.

 

[rationaltake]

You're welcome, and i agree. My childhood was mostly good, but looking back at things after many years of depression and anxiety, i know it was frequently unstable and contributed to me not being as resilient as maybe i could of been.

I understand that.

 

[Anxieyote]

I'm 27, but I feel like I've lived enough life to come to the conclusion that the bad outweighs the good.

It's strange to still be referred to as a kid by people in their 40's and 50's, but I suppose it puts things into perspective when you consider that when they were in their 20's, we were still running around in diapers. I felt very old the other day when I listened to Olivia Rodrigo's new album and felt very distant from the teenage angst and emotions she expressed on it. I would have eaten up that album when I was a teenager, and praised her for being "so honest and vulnerable!!!!!!" but now it just seems like watching a small child realizing that their emotions exist.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

My parents are here with me! I'm doing well at the moment. I cried waking up from a nap. Thank you for caring. It means a lot. I wish you were my sister. We could both ctb together someday.

I'm glad at least your parents are there for you!!
thank you for your very kind words!! I'd be honored to have you as a sister!!
How are you?

 

[dyingalone123]

I'm glad at least your parents are there for you!!
thank you for your very kind words!! I'd be honored to have you as a sister!!
How are you?

I am good so far today!! How are you?

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I'm 27, but I feel like I've lived enough life to come to the conclusion that the bad outweighs the good.

It's strange to still be referred to as a kid by people in their 40's and 50's, but I suppose it puts things into perspective when you consider that when they were in their 20's, we were still running around in diapers. I felt very old the other day when I listened to Olivia Rodrigo's new album and felt very distant from the teenage angst and emotions she expressed on it. I would have eaten up that album when I was a teenager, and praised her for being "so honest and vulnerable!!!!!!" but now it just seems like watching a small child realizing that their emotions exist.

Relate to this so much, I'm 28. Wanna get out before 30, that gives me around a year and a half