Venting trying to burnout all my creativity

[saintvalentine]

I have never created so much in my life than when I knew I had to die.

I've been painting, writing, sewing, just making things so much that it's become my life to create. Could it be that I want a part of me to live on after I'm dead?

I find it depressingly silly how people gawk at me being so creative now, when I know it's something that I'm actively squeezing out of myself because these are my last days to create.

I want my last days to be so outwardly creative that I burnout all of that energy within me for these last weeks. I would say a theme in many of my creations are my inner feelings, what I wish to express, and a future I wish to have. It makes me kind of sad though that I could never see how my creations improve over years of time.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm doing something very similar in the form of writing a book that I have also been posting here on Sasu because I can't honestly share it anywhere else. For me it isn't the case that I want part of me to live on after I'm gone, but more than anything the purpose of it is to send a message to the world through my writing. The story is about a fictional forum that is very similar to this site because it too is a pro-choice suicide community, where people who join it get to decide for themselves whether they live or die and the community supports whatever they choose 100%