Well it’s official, she’s never talking to me again

[everlastinghistory]

She finally said it. Said she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore. Granted it was my own fault. I kind of spent 24 hours straight spamming her phone texting her. Which was a stupid move on my part but I was scared I was gonna lose her and I guess that had the opposite effect from what I had intended.

That's it. Right now I feel nothingness with a slight urge to cry. But I can't live without her. I can't even function normally without her. She's my everything. I love her more than I could ever love anyone or anything.

This is the end. Or some time soon is anyway. I guess all that's left now is writing a real last note and finding what method I'm gonna use…

 

[Someone123]

You may be able to find another girl. The 24 hours of texting does not come across well, sending one or two texts and then waiting to see if she responds is a lot better, to do more can seem very scary for a girl, she can be worried that you might became violent from this, it does come across to a girl as being like a stalker. I am sorry that you are in this pain but you fell in love once and you can do it again, you can learn from your mistakes. At least a few people here have made posts about a heaartbreak being so bad that they can't go on, and they later found that the pain fades some over time and that they can fall in love with someone else.

 

[iwanttodie1]

I kind of spent 24 hours straight spamming her phone texting her.

If ur not over exaggerating then this is just bad. No one gets away with this

 

[SectOfValtiel]

i went through something similar, spamming her with messages and all
had panic attacks for weeks after losing her
and did and said a lot of things i regret once that desperation turned into anger
but ive had going on 4 years now of introspection to realize all the shit i did wrong and all the ways i hurt her
all the ways i never want to hurt anyone else again
all the ways i tried to get better, going to therapy being honest about how i acted and all this shit
nothing changed
im the same person, and i know that
im never going to be able to treat *her* right even if she was here, let alone some other person i might fall for down the road
if i ever got over her, anyway

people say time heals all wounds but i think thats bullshit- 4 years and its still every single day that i miss her, have to distract myself or ill break down
and if it wasnt having to live without her, the guilt from how i treated her also makes me want to CTB
at least then one of the people that wronged her would have done something to rectify it
but im a coward and im not even sure ill *ever* get to the point that i go through with it
she wouldnt even know if i did- i know i havent crossed her mind in at the very least 2 years, so would it really matter? only to me i guess



one thing i will say
stop trying to message her, stop trying to find her, give up
thats harsh but trust me when i say its better that way
i cant give you any advice on how to lessen the pain and i cant say things will get better because frankly they just havent for me
but the very least you can do is lessen the pain you cause others
whatever happened, if she wants her space, she deserves it and you should respect that
and the more distance you create... well, hopefully for you itll be easier to move on that way

do your best not to make the same mistakes i made and put yourself through even more agony over the realization of it
do your best to let her go despite what youre feeling
thats advice i wish id gotten 4 years ago when i still had the chance to change things

 

[peacetime]

You got obsessed with her, but if you're okay aside from her now wanting nothing to do with you, I think you should continue living. This will definitely pass.

 

[everlastinghistory]

If ur not over exaggerating then this is just bad. No one gets away with this

I mean I'm not sure it was exactly 24 hours. And it wasn't constant. I did wait a little while for her to respond before I'd send something else. But I know I shouldn't have done it. I regretted it while I was still sending the texts and apologized but by that point it was way too late. I was on an app that doesn't let you delete messages. Otherwise I would've unsent them and just prayed she hadn't seen the notifications.

 

[FuneralCry]

There really does seem to be a lot of pro lifers around this site these days who love to gatekeep suicide and invalidate the suffering that others go through. I bet they wouldn't like it if someone dismissed their feelings. There really is no escape from those types of people and they cannot experience life the same way as you after all so why should they have a say in it. Those types of people are so unbelievably arrogant as well and it's like they forget that it's a pro choice website to respect the right to die. Suicide is a personal decision which is up to the individual and every reason to wish to die is valid, suicide doesn't even need a reason in the first place.

But anyway, it does sound painful being in that difficult situation and it must be hard dealing with all that regret but best of luck.

 

[Someone123]

There really does seem to be a lot of pro lifers around this site these days who love to gatekeep suicide and invalidate the suffering that others go through. I bet they wouldn't like it if someone dismissed their feelings.

I am very much pro choice, if you're referring to me, but it is fact that several people over the last year made very similar posts and then later posted that they recovered and fell in love with someone else within a year's time. So it is worth it to consider this information, it doesn't invalidate anything. Some people choose to find peace through ctb, this is the path I am very likely on, and some do recover. But it is worth it to consider that some situations lead to recovery more oftem than others- chronic health conditions, getting too old to fix problems because it's too late, and lots of other reasons are more likely to lead to ctb. It is not invalidating anythig to say that this is a situation that can sometimes get better, though sometimes it does not. If a person fell in love once and were in love for a long time they could find another person, though sometimes they do not. This is a suicide discussion forum, not a suicide only forum, and just any hint that a person might be able to recover from a situation does not make a person pro-life instead of pro-choice. I am very much pro choice for ctb, but some situations have been shown to be situations that people often recover from, though not always, so it is worth it to consider this.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do understand that desperate need to reach out to someone and the feelings of hurt and distress when they don't respond.

I think you probably do realise that you can't contact her again- it's likely best to wait to see if she wants to get back in touch. If so- then- it was a good lesson to learn in a way- that you kind of HAVE to use a bit of self restraint- no matter how desperate you are feeling. Maybe try to contact a few other people alongside- so that ALL your emotion isn't focussed on just one person. I hate to say it but I think some people just aren't cut out for that level of intensity. If she doesn't get back in touch- I'm sorry. It's bound to hurt deeply. I can't say I've experienced losing a boyfriend- not having one in the first place. I have pretty much lost very close friends though and that hurt like hell.

 

[Someone123]

thats advice i wish id gotten 4 years ago when i still had the chance to change things

Do you think there might be a chance to apply the lessons of this to a new lady at some point, or is it really too late.

 

[Jimblue]

Probably you need to leave her alone for a week or a month. Then she will start remembering the good part of you. But I can understand what you feel, I would want to do same thing in your position but I guess I would not have a chance. He will block my phone number before I do that.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Do you think there might be a chance to apply the lessons of this to a new lady at some point, or is it really too late.

no, its too late for that
even if i wanted to... i definitely still havent let my *first* ex go so what are the chances id know how to let someone new go?
and i already had someone new lead me on only to realize i was a rebound for *her* ex so, im not inclined to put anyone else through that

yes ive learned my lesson but that doesnt mean ive changed
its been years of trying to but even with therapy and pills nothing is different
the only thing thats changed is now i have new diagnoses, BPD for one, but
as much as i would like to blame it all on mental illness i know i cant- its still a part of me as a whole
im still not a good person, still havent learned to manage any of my symptoms or cope with my traumas let alone heal from them
i would still make the same mistakes today if i gave myself the chance and i really dont want to do that

to be frank... i dont trust anyone, and i dont trust myself with anyone
so the chances of me even getting the chance to *try* with a new lady- or guy- are 0%
im not putting someone through hell or getting hurt on a whim again
i already want to CTB because of those experiences
though, who knows, maybe another heartbreak is what i need to push me over the edge in that case lmao

besides im just not someone people are interested in
im not someone people even remember most of the time
not someone people tend to care about and even if they say otherwise i wont believe them
i can be nice and especially so overwhelmingly affectionate when i love somebody
but as nice as that sounds, thats not something anybody wants
to be smothered in love
not from me



even if the stars aligned and someone new *did* show up in my life, you can take anything else i said here as the reasons i would simply choose to avoid them instead, like i already do when i start to realize im liking somebody too much
i even stopped going to my pharmacy because the cashier gave me butterflies haha its just easier to stay away at this point,
even if it is mindcrushingly lonely

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

She finally said it. Said she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore. Granted it was my own fault. I kind of spent 24 hours straight spamming her phone texting her. Which was a stupid move on my part but I was scared I was gonna lose her and I guess that had the opposite effect from what I had intended.

That's it. Right now I feel nothingness with a slight urge to cry. But I can't live without her. I can't even function normally without her. She's my everything. I love her more than I could ever love anyone or anything.

This is the end. Or some time soon is anyway. I guess all that's left now is writing a real last note and finding what method I'm gonna use…

I know how you feel. I felt the same way a little less than a month ago when my now ex girlfriend left me. Hopeless, wanting to die, but some people pointed out to me that one person, one girl, isn't worth ending everything over. I suppose if you do change your mind, this could be a learning experience. I even spammed her a bit too, although not much.

I'm sure you felt like not texting her was letting her walk away, and that's understandable but just know now that it generally has the opposite effect of what you'd desire.

My advice is give it some time, and most of all, feel the emotions. Feel the pain, sadness, all of that, and importantly, cry. It helps a lot to release those emotions rather than bottle them up.

Best of luck, I hope you feel better soon!

 

[yyytry]

i went through something similar, spamming her with messages and all
had panic attacks for weeks after losing her
and did and said a lot of things i regret once that desperation turned into anger
but ive had going on 4 years now of introspection to realize all the shit i did wrong and all the ways i hurt her
all the ways i never want to hurt anyone else again
all the ways i tried to get better, going to therapy being honest about how i acted and all this shit
nothing changed
im the same person, and i know that
im never going to be able to treat *her* right even if she was here, let alone some other person i might fall for down the road
if i ever got over her, anyway

people say time heals all wounds but i think thats bullshit- 4 years and its still every single day that i miss her, have to distract myself or ill break down
and if it wasnt having to live without her, the guilt from how i treated her also makes me want to CTB
at least then one of the people that wronged her would have done something to rectify it
but im a coward and im not even sure ill *ever* get to the point that i go through with it
she wouldnt even know if i did- i know i havent crossed her mind in at the very least 2 years, so would it really matter? only to me i guess



one thing i will say
stop trying to message her, stop trying to find her, give up
thats harsh but trust me when i say its better that way
i cant give you any advice on how to lessen the pain and i cant say things will get better because frankly they just havent for me
but the very least you can do is lessen the pain you cause others
whatever happened, if she wants her space, she deserves it and you should respect that
and the more distance you create... well, hopefully for you itll be easier to move on that way

do your best not to make the same mistakes i made and put yourself through even more agony over the realization of it
do your best to let her go despite what youre feeling
thats advice i wish id gotten 4 years ago when i still had the chance to change things

This really resonates with me, as I have also spammed someone…which only really erupts out of desperation turning into anger/verbal attacks.

I found this journal app that you can set up where…like you can text it. It was a mechanism I tried to channel the behavior. I would text my journal.

 

[GasMonkey]

finding what method I'm gonna use…

Long path ahead.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I feel that. I have an ex who cold stopped talking to me after i made multiple attempts to get back together with her. She is now married so yeah.......

Sometimes i wonder that if she suddenly started talking to me again, would that buy me a few months of not CTBing? Probably for the best she stays away from me.

 

[don't want it]

Iam sorry man it's like my story I want to kill myself
She is not human

 

[don't want it]

I have this pain I want to kill myself soon

 

[eternapeace]

Do you think there might be a chance to apply the lessons of this to a new lady at some point, or is it really too late.

Am in similar situation as SectOfValtiel. All I can say is that we aren't really given a choice who we "love".

I've been "in love" with one girl for about 20 years. There's no possibility to switch, because you know who will really be on your mind day in and day out, and that's just plain selfish/not fair to the person you try to switch to. I hope that makes sense.